Am I bu to not want to go to inlaws?-yep its me again!!

[Ladyglamalot]

Basic backstory-we have gone to inlaws for dinner every sunday for past 20 years!! I had a meltdown last year and said no more.

Dh sulked massively because I refused to host his parents for xmas. We went down a few days before xmas even though we all had a bug. Mil and fil got said bug and have been ill since.

Mil phoned today to ask dh if we are still going to dinner tomorrow-she also told him she was at the hospital today as she has been so poorly(she has some underlying health issues but is also a huge hypochondriac).

I told dh we should not go if mil is so ill-he is insisting we go as "we can't let her down"

Am I bu to tell the pair of them to fuck off?

OK, so your question, "AIBU to tell the pair of them to fuck off?" The over-whelming answer is "no."

So now what?

Well just had huge argument with dh as he has now told bil we will pick him up so we can have a drink which means we will need to stay hours!!

I told him that I snd the dcs really don't want to go as we don't want to catch bug again but apparently we will have anti-bodies to the bug now and we really,really can't let mil down as she wants to see the kids. He is not for budging.

Which means I either stay at home by myself while he goes with dcs or I suck it uo and just go.

Perhaps I do enjoy being a martyr as another poster suggested? Quite honestly after 20 years of the same fucking argument I am just weary by it all.

Sod it, why don't you just cut out the middle man and move in with them.

You reap what you sow. Good luck with it all.

P.S. "He's not for budging?" Well, how about you don't budge either? This is how you've got to where you're at.

Just stay home on your own. That's what i would do.

And your dh is BANG out of line for making that arrangement with bil when he KNEW you didn't want to go at all, or at most for an hour.

Get up early, take the DC somewhere and leave DH to it?

Frankly, I'd infinitely rather stay at home alone than spend any time with someone who so disregarded my feelings.

I would just get up early and take the kids out. Let dh go on his own and be around bugs if thats what he wants so bad.

Stay home by yourself! Why do you have to all be together all the time? Surely you would rather stay home by yourself? and how old are the DC, do they not get a say it this at all?

Does your DH have any redeeming features because he's not coming out of this looking very good?!

Yep stay home and give the dc the choice of whether they go to MILs or stay home with you, don't see what the problem is tbh.

So stay home.

Honestly OP I can't for the life of me see what the problem is?

Your husband is a disrespectful tit, that's your biggest problem, but you focus on a visit to your in laws?

I really, really don't get it.

Actually, thinking about this, I'm not really surprised that your dh doesn't take a great deal of notice of your opinions on this. You say you don't want to go, but then go anyway. So, why should he think you mean what you say?

So stay at home alone! No problem!

Sure as fuck that's what I'd be doing.

Why does he want to spend every Sunday with his mum? perhaps he's worried she's lonely

Stay home by yourself. What's so shit about that? It's perfect. Stop moaning and enjoy it!

Oh dear - every Sunday for 20 years! Sounds like a nightmare. I'd tell him if he feels so strongly about it, then he should go by himself

My dh just took the dc to soft play. Did he want me to go? Probably. Did i want to go ? No !
Did he and dc go ? Yes.
Did i go ? No !

I enjoyed two hours of peace!

Why can't you say no and stick to it.?

Don't be daft OP. Your DH will end up staying for hours and it will be another day wasted in your life doing something you don't want to do. Your MIL will have company with her DS's so no need for you and your DC's to be bored shitless all day with her.

If you give in now you have made a rod for your own back. You made your decision you were not going--so stick to it...

YANBU. have you talked to your DP about why he wants to go so often? Dies he enjoy it? Is he close to his parents?

Three times a month is still loads. But tbh I doubt you're going to break this habit now.

This is the same for me. I started a similar thread a while ago about visiting PIL's every weekend and they expect to come every Christmas. Well done sticking up for yourself, wish mine had emigrated!

I have asked dcs if they want to go and 1 does,2 dont. Still not an option to let dh take one dc apparently as that would upset mil

Perhaps all those suggesting its easy to just stop jumping to mil's tune after 20 years might want to read up on FOG? and yes of course I realise that the main problem is with dh-I am trying to tackle that but its really difficult.

He can pick BIL up and go by himself. Seriously. Why the hell would you risk becoming unwell again? And if dc don't want to go, again, why should they?

I kind of like the idea of my dcs coming round every Sunday when they've flown the nest
They can leave the wife at home though

YANBU to not want to go but as others have said, the problem, as in 99% of inlaw cases, is not your PIL, but your DH.

If you honestly feel there is nothing you can do about his frequent visits which are to the detriment of your family time together, let him go alone. But if DC are likely to get ill I'm afraid I would not be letting them go and that would not be up for discussion.