To Find this Woman in the Cinema Rude

[LessMissAbs]

Me and my friend were watching a film in the cinema tonight. She doesn't wear a watch and must have been checking her phone for the time - its a habit of hers to do this, or to ask people the time. I was sitting next to her and I didn't notice it.

There was an empty seat to her other side between her and a woman. The woman suddenly boomed out in the middle of the film, "If you want to play your phone, you can go outside and do it instead of in here".

It was mortifying, and she interrupted the film for me. I was really embarrassed for my friend, but we didn't say anything.

At the end of the film, as we were standing up to leave, I said to the woman "I don't really care if you were disturbed by a light during the film or not, I don't want to have to the film interrupted by your booming voice". She then started arguing back (she said something like "Oh you'd like to be a cheeky one, wouldn't you, and some other stuff) but we turned our backs towards her and her husband so that she was talking to ourselves, put on our coats and left.

Kind of ruined the film for both of us. Normally I find going to the cinema relaxing!

It isn't. I expect the 'twat' comments will disappear shortly, though I didn't report any.

Nor do I, Sparkly.
I don't approve of name calling on any threads.
Report links work in all topics, though.

consideration is an under valued trait too.

The chances are your friend's phone light disturbed more than just that one woman and everyone disturbed was probably chuffed that she had spoken out.

I have been in cinemas where it has been made very clear that the request about phones is as much about the light as the noise.

YABU. But you're obviously not listening so I'm not sure why you asked. Hopefully (though I doubt it) you'll know for next time.

It's not just the name calling though is it, it's the rabid insistence that an OP must agree with the majority. They don't, they can read ALL the responses, mull them over and still say "well I still don't think I was". Why do people get so angry and frustrated about that on AIBU? Serious question.

Sorry OP but I gotta say it is incredibly annoying. I too was in a cinema recently and a guy a row below me frequently checked his phone, the sudden onset of a singular bright light in a dim environment actually became painful to my eye. I coward outta fear from saying anything, young lad, with mates may do and say anything so as not to loose face. You owe it to your mate to tell her it's not really on.

It's not just the name calling though is it, it's the rabid insistence that an OP must agree with the majority. They don't, they can read ALL the responses, mull them over and still say "well I still don't think I was"

Its a bit scary tbh. It reminds me of a mob cheering when a 15th Century political activist was hung, drawn and quartered. Agree with the Church sorry majority, or else...mob mentality.

I don't pay much attention to mob mentality, as others might have noticed. So shoot me!

I agree sparkly. Sometimes in these threads you get a lot of "you just do it get it do you". Clearly they don't, aren't going to, won't get it

*just don't get it.

It reminds me of a mob cheering when a 15th Century political activist was hung, drawn and quartered.

St LessMissAbs, the patron saint of brightly illuminated cinemas.

As I say, please god never let me turn into a cinema-harridan.

No, just a sanctimonious internet whinger!

Ofgs, it's hardly mob mentality. . A lot of posts are simply in reaction to your ott posts about one sentence.

My theory is these posters who harp on about how all cinemas should be as quiet as an exam room, are actually the ones that forget to switch off their phones, kick the back of your chair and have urgent conversations with their companions. Theres just a certain level of self congratulatory perfection that just isn't believable.

That's because I have never, ever been in an entirely silent cinema, full of motionless silent people staring like robots at the screen.

Clearly many mumsnetters have, and I am interested to find out where the town which such a cinema is - Stepford possibly?

But randy maybe they are the only ones that "get it". You know because they are the only ones who were actually there?

I'm loving this thread- it's so full of froth. So far I have learnt that the following people should never go to the pictures

People who are greedy enough to partake of the food purveyed by the picture house.

People who don't own a watch or people like myself who have a watch but it's not easy to read in the dark and therefore need to take themselves down to Argos to buy a special cinema watch (easy to read in the dark bit not so bright as to blind other cinema goers).

People who check their phone -

1. Those who are anxious about leaving their children with or without special needs/ and/or sick relations.

1. People who are on call or who have buses to catch.

1. People who are bored and want to know exactly how much more of this pish they have to endure (me at Frozen last week)

People who have weak bladders or urine infections or stupidly partook of the vast beakers of juice the cinema were selling.

People who dare to sit next to people.

I would like to add people who shout at other people people for doing any of the above rather than politely and discretely asking them to desist.

Anymore for anymore?

Where on the thread has anybody said cinemas should be as quiet as an exam room?

tobias. great summary.

genuine question ...
Genuine answer .... I think it is partly an aspect of the MN 'persona': take no prisoners! It has never been a forum that works on a 'lets agree to differ' basis,
Also a degree of frustration, occurs around some subjects, and manners is certainly one of those areas.
What causes "piling in"? I think, usually, multiple posters unable to restrain themselves from responding to what they see as utter blindness on the part of the poster. And the hope that enough input may make the poster "see sense". Whether they are correct in their judgement is another question.

I do agree about being browbeaten by majority rule, but whether we like it or not ...that is how democratic countries function, and the ethic is firmly in place throughout all interactions.

I live in London. People sometimes make noise by mistake. They apologise, no problem. Or it's a one off, no problem.

People who disturb others by doing unnecessary things like checking their phone are different though. Sometimes people are challenged - sometimes they have the grace to apologise. Sometimes they're rude and bullying like you were. It happens, but it doesn't mean it's ok.

Cinemas remove people for doing this sometimes. Doesn't that tell you anything?

Not bowing to the mob is different to being pig-headed and inconsiderate. Decent people would stop doing unnecessary things that pissed other people off, even if it would not bother them.

Nobody has said the cinema is or should be entirely silent and motionless.

People react to the film, they eat and drink, they shift in their seat, they leave the room for whatever reason.

All of those things are normal noises and distractions that you can reasonably expect to happen in a cinema.

People using phone's as phones or clocks or cameras, holding conversations with the person beside them, kicking chairs in front of them etc, those are not normal or reasonable behaviours and most cinema's do have signs and adverts to remind those too selfish to appreciate that not to do them and will ask such people to leave if they persist.

This woman had to remind your friend that she shouldn't be using her phone during the film. She could have complained to the staff and asked for your friend to be told to leave.

It's not about expecting everything to be totally still and silent, it's about a basic consideration for the other people you are watching the film with. Something your friend didn't show to anybody.

What a good summary tobias

I don't own a watch, but never go to the loo during a film and don't eat in the cinema. So whilst I do check my phone occasionally, I don't annoy people by going to the loo or rustle sweet packets.

Sooo I will piss off the phone light haters but will not piss off the sweet wrapper rustling haters, and those who are annoyed by loo goers.

Phone checking doesn't irritate me.

But I'm not so blinkered that I can't fathom a reality where it might irritate someone else.

If it does annoy them, it's Ok for them to say.

You are expected not to be on your phones during the cinema. There is usually a shitty advert telling you to do so. Some people just think their needs are far above everyone else's though. It's different if you need to check your phone for a real reason e.g. your mum is in hospital but to check the bloody time?!

\link{http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/discreet\discreet/discrete}

do try to use the right one

The words discrete and discreet are pronounced in the same way and share the same origin but they do not mean the same thing. Discrete means ‘separate’, as in a finite number of discrete categories, while discreet means ‘careful and circumspect’, as in you can rely on him to be discreet

How is the disturbance of a phone light for a few seconds, any different to the disturbance of someone rustling sweet papers for a few seconds.

Each thing is still a disturbance for a few seconds. People need to chill out a teeny bit.

All I can say is that my friend, who was sitting right next to me, was extremely quite in whatever she was doing with her phone, sat quietly and watched the film, which we were both engrossed in. She didn't do anything unusually noticeable, fidgety or irritating. If she had, I would have noticed.

She did not sit and text throughout the film, or use FB (she is a very infrequent FB user). She sat and watched the film. Whatever she did to attract the attentions of the woman a seat away from her was completely invisible to me. I saw no-one else turn round in irritation either, no light from a phone caught my eye, nothing. To me, she did nothing but sit quietly and watch the film.

It may have been that her hand strayed to her handbag or her phone at an occasional point during the film to briefly check something, but I wasn't aware of it.

I don't think any of the above made us obnoxious rude selfish inconsiderate cunts, and I've certainly never had problems in cinemas before. Cinemas must be awfully strict in Stepford!