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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want DP to let me go on this course?

259 replies

Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 03/01/2014 17:34

I retrained nearly 2 years ago but haven't got a job. We're really struggling with money, we could even lose the house.

Anyway there's a course which teaches you how to get interviews for the field I retrained in, it costs £50 and is based in London (we don't live in London so travel costs but a return train is £20 then tube costs so maybe £80 total?

DP says its snake oil, taking advantage of people's misery, but it's totally legitimate. I feel so unsupported by DP. AIBU?

OP posts:
SpikeyTree · 03/01/2014 21:56

I'm Head of History in a massive comprehensive. We had 103 applicants for a post starting last September. If you want specific help PM me. Are you up on all the curriculum changes and the challenges these bring?

janey68 · 03/01/2014 21:56

What work did you do before you went and retrained as a teacher?

Snargaluff · 03/01/2014 21:56

No I totally understand that tutoring is not easy- there just isn't call for it. Unless you have grammars near and could do 11+?

History is tricky. Have you had someone look through your personal statement/ covering letter?

Barefootgirl · 03/01/2014 21:56

Are there any independent schools near you? Sometimes its worth sending them a CV and a very professional letter letting them know that you are available. You could also mailshot the HTs of local schools that you would like to work in. You might want to think about some sort of back-up childcare, as if they want to interview you, YOU WILL HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR DD WITH SOMEONE.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 03/01/2014 21:56

In answer to your OP, yes, YABU. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but being blunt may be kinder: The course wont make a difference to your prospects. You seem to be waiting on a contracted teaching position to come up in your local area that you can walk into with no experience based on training from 2 years ago. Its not going to happen and the course will make no difference to that.

Sorry OP, you are not in the position to become a teacher right now, it isn't a walk in career, you need to start at the bottom as has been suggested already. I think you need to find something (anything) else that you can do for now and start volunteering when your youngest starts nursery.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 03/01/2014 22:02

Ok, to bring it back round to the op... Theo Griff is great. Well respected online. Likely to be a well structured, well presented, informative day. I doubt there'll be anything said there that you couldn't find online, but the experience of the day might help boost your confidence/determination and thus put you back in the right direction. You'll meet other people in the same boat as you and it might be easier to share ideas with them than randomers on the Internet. From that angle, if the money can be found then yanbu to want to do the course.

I do think that what others have said about making a plan to have a job by September is very sensible (the course could be part of that plan) and maybe what you really need is to sit with dh and work out how to make that happen (the course, experience, childcare, etc)

toomuchicecream · 03/01/2014 22:04

What BabyDubs said - very sorry, but I couldn't have put it better myself.

janey68 · 03/01/2014 22:26

I think it would be helpful if you could explain what work you did prior to the re training. Presumably you earned enough then to cover childcare, so could you not return to that, even if temporarily? If you weren't working and were a SAHM then I'm confused as to why you're now in danger of losing your house? Either you had a job previously which you could return to, even though its not what you ideally want now; or you weren't working in which case how come you are in a worse situation now than then?

RedHelenB · 03/01/2014 23:22

if you get an interview it will likely be for a full day, on a weekday - i really would suggest signing up for supply, even if it just a case of breaking even simply for the experience. History is not a shortage subject & does tend to attract the best teachers, you need to push yourself to the front somehow,

Pipbin · 03/01/2014 23:52

When I first qualified I didn't have a job so I wrote to every single school within a 20 minute drive and told them that I was available for supply and could I come and visit the school. I ended up spending about two weeks visiting all the schools that replied. As a result of that I made good relationships with a number of head teachers and got regular supply.
I know that supply will be tricky for you due to childcare but doing something like that might land you with regular supply.

If you get on very well with a head you could always ask them for application advise or interview training.

TBH I would save your money.

Pipbin · 04/01/2014 00:07

How involved are you at your 7yo's school? Could you get more involved? PTA was a great suggestion. Go on all the trips. Show yourself to be a good teacher. Then ask for work - voluntary if needs be.

This is good advice - I got my current job by volunteering at DHs school to help on a trip. Head liked me, rest is history.

Pipbin · 04/01/2014 00:25

Having now read the entire thread, I honestly don't see how this course would help you.
If it did work and you got a job offer tomorrow then how would you get there is you have no transport?

I now read that you are secondary trained. However it's still worth contacting local primaries. At our school we have taken on a secondary trained teacher with no problems.

All this course would do is tell you how to get a job. it's not going to tell you anything that isn't out there for free.

AuntieVenom · 04/01/2014 00:34

Where are you based OP?
I saw a couple of NQT job adverts popping up on my LinkedIn network of all places, which might be worth looking at. For example this one: NQT History Teacher
I see you have young children but would you consider moving overseas? You might have a better chance offshore.
Another option might be to look at getting into corporate training. A couple of my friends with teaching qualifications ended up doing that and they really enjoy it.

C3P0 · 04/01/2014 01:17

Sounds like a complete bargain for 80 quid. Cheapest training course I've ever seen. Would be bloody useful even if you just pick up a couple of tips.

ClaudiusMaximus · 04/01/2014 01:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaudiusMaximus · 04/01/2014 01:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mellowandfruitful · 04/01/2014 09:00

OP, is there absolutely no one near you who could be asked to do you a favour and take your DD for one day a week for, say, the next two months so you could start some supply teaching? Could you sell something to pay for eight days' childcare if not?

Are you set on staying geographically where you are? Doesn't sound like a great location for you, especially as a non driver.

LIZS · 04/01/2014 09:51

With senior teaching you could ask about invigilation work at local schools or colleges, exam marking or even look at Adult Ed which you can plan your availability in advance around whatever childcare you can arrange or evenings/weekends. Some areas have started offering the funding to 2 year olds, although it may be for low income or specific referrals atm.

SilverApples · 04/01/2014 09:59

I think that the OP thought she's qualify and walk straight into a job that fitted round having children, and that hasn't happened. You often see people on MN post 'I fancy teaching' in a breezy and confident manner, she's not alone in her plans.
It can be very disorientating and distressing when your plans fall to bits unexpectedly, after huge amounts of hard work on her PGCE, especially as the family as a whole has been brought to a financial crisis by her choice, so she's feeling guilty and a failure as well as resentful.
I don't think she's ungrateful so much as in a very hard place and very unhappy.

janey68 · 04/01/2014 10:10

Have just re-read the thread in detail and I see that prior to the course you did evening seasonal work OP. How come you managed financially ok then and got by, whereas now you're suddenly in danger of losing the house? Presumably with seasonal work, you weren't even entitled to maternity pay? Anyway, even if this is the only option, presumably you could pick that work up again when the season starts.

You clearly feel people are criticising you and aren't happy that you're not getting the response you wanted. But people have given you excellent, practical advice on here and explained that you are highly unlikely to walk into a permanent teaching post where you'll be able to afford transport and childcare upfront, particularly when you live in a rural area. Everyone I know who's got a teaching post within the last few years has had to start from volunteering, working a few years as a classroom assistant , doing supply etc- and most of these are people who have experience and have had a few years out of work at home. You've not taught since qualifying so how are you possibly going to compete with others, including the new cohort who will have graduated as teachers since you did, most of whom will be prepared to move anywhere for teaching work.

I still think the answer is to relocate if you are serious about it as a career because living rurally with fewer accessible schools and childcare provision will limit you from the get go. In your position, making the massive decision to retrain, I would have factored that into the initial discussion with your dp. It would have been sensible to make a broader plan about how to maximise your employability rather than just going and doing a years post grad training and assuming you'd fall into a job on your doorstep. Did you do your research prior to doing the PGCE about employment rates among history teachers; it's not too hard to access information about how many history posts for newly qualified teachers come up on average within striking distance of where you live

Anyway if you're not interested in the broader advice on here, and just want a response to your OP, then I'd say YABU. You are in dire financial straits, at risk of losing your house and are wanting to spend £80 of household income on a course which realistically is not going to be make or break. The course leader may well be excellent, but as everyone says, you need more than excellent applications and interview technique. Experience in schools is going to be a bigger factor because that's a better indicator of how good you are in the classroom. And tbh you can find other ways to sharpen up interview technique anyway. If you establish contact with a local school, one of the senior teachers Or head of history would probably be happy to give you interview practice.

The final point is that friends of mine (and my SIL who teaches) have had to adopt a far more 'can do' approach to working than you seem to have. They've often had to go out of pocket paying childcare upfront before getting supply work. They've had to be prepared to travel for supply, sometimes spending out a lot on petrol before their pay arrives. My SIL had to pay well over the odds for childcare when her kids were small because she needed a childminder from 7 am to get to work by 7.45 which is very normal in teaching. I think if there are so many barriers to you adopting this approach right now, then maybe you just need to wait until your youngest qualifies for some free hours nursery, invest in a cheap runaround car then, and try your hand at supply. And then of course once your youngest is in school you will have far less childcare expenses. But even for supply you will need before and after school care for your children so I would start planning for that now

Good luck

ilovesooty · 04/01/2014 10:36

Theo is well regarded and I think the course would be good value if you were employable and job ready. Unfortunately you aren't and that is the brutal reality of it.

I suspect SilverApples is spot on and you thought getting a job after training would be easier than it has proved to be.

As a former teacher now involved in careers guidance I second the opinions offered on how to make yourself employable, whether or not you wanted to hear them.

Lilacroses · 04/01/2014 10:40

Hope you are feeling a bit better this morning op. I understand that you are in a really horrible situation. I do suspect though that the man running the course you are talking about would say the same as everyone else on the thread...get into a school somehow to get some experience. What about being a learning mentor in a secondary school? My friend did that for a few years and loved it.

harryhausen · 04/01/2014 10:47

Ok, firstly I'm not a teacher.

I am however in a very creative competitive field. It's taken me nearly 20 years to become known and successful.

Last year, I was invited to go on a day course informing newbies/wannabies about how best to get on in the business.

I learnt LOADS, and I was only there as a 'name'. Speaking to others there was such a buzz/excitement/enthusiasm about people who had felt a bit lost before. Connections and supportive friendships were made.

From the sounds of it - the man running this course is very good. I think YANBU wanting to go. I think at the very least it may energise you and give you a confidence boost and some hope.

Good luck OP x

Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 04/01/2014 10:47

Silverapples, thank you, yes that is what it is. I didn't think I'd just walk into a job but the university were encouraging and it felt like us turning our lives around.

Can people honestly not understand why I don't want to go into initiate details of our family's finances on a public website, but since I'm under fire here, I was a SAHM for years. Three years ago my partner was made redundant, he got another job but it doesn't pay anything like as well. Me retraining therefore put us all under massive pressure but we honestly felt it would be best for our family. Before the children I was a receptionist then a TA and yes I've tried to get back into both but I don't have recent skills.

I didn't do seasonal work before the children, I was explaining I did seasonal work this year to try and contribute something to our finances in response to people barking orders at me to get a job, any job, I've tried.

Supply is not an option, I don't know why people keep telling me to do it when I can't. I'm being accused of being ungrateful because I can't do the things you want? Do you all think I WANT this?

Our house is going on the market, we're moving to rented and that's that. Long talk with DP last night, the situation is obviously untenable.

Oh and poster who sarkily asked if LAs paid a month in advance, no they don't but do you not realise we could get into a small amount of debt knowing long term things would stabilise, the bank would back off if they knew in X months the mortgage would have credit added to it, yes things are that desperate.

I can't believe how much detail people have demanded I give them, when I asked if I was BU on ONE aspect of my relationship, instead I get torn to shreds because we can't afford a car.

OP posts:
Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 04/01/2014 10:48

Thanks as well Harry and sooty

OP posts: