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AIBU?

to want DP to let me go on this course?

259 replies

Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 03/01/2014 17:34

I retrained nearly 2 years ago but haven't got a job. We're really struggling with money, we could even lose the house.

Anyway there's a course which teaches you how to get interviews for the field I retrained in, it costs £50 and is based in London (we don't live in London so travel costs but a return train is £20 then tube costs so maybe £80 total?

DP says its snake oil, taking advantage of people's misery, but it's totally legitimate. I feel so unsupported by DP. AIBU?

OP posts:
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FetchezLaVache · 03/01/2014 19:46

I can offer no opinion as to the value or otherwise of the course, OP, but you seem to have got it into your head that it is some kind of magic bullet and therefore appear slightly dismissive of the very generous offers of one-to-one help you've received on here.

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Purplepoodle · 03/01/2014 19:53

My friend is in a similar situation. She has actually one re-entered education to get a masters as she realised its not viable to get paid primary teaching experience until her youngest is in school.

She has done some volunteering at her youngest sons nursery (he is in the playgroup next door), which looks good on her cv. She plans to continue volunteering at the nursery, get her masters and then try her hand at supply when youngest ds is in school.

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LIZS · 03/01/2014 19:55

I'd agree with others that you are not yet ready - emotionally or practically - to commit to a job even if it were to be offered. Could you think of September , by which time your youngest gets some childcare funding, as the "goal" and sue the next few months to get as much experience as you can . Are there any independent schools around who may appreciate someone taking an interest and shadowing.

Was your dp supportive of you doing this course in the first place ? Do you feel he is rushing you due to the financial situation. Could you ask tutors from then what they would advise as a first step? What transferrable skills do you have from previous employment and time spent raising your family which could help your application stand out.

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Helpyourself · 03/01/2014 20:01

Ask for a concessionary rate.
Talk to local childminders and see if anyone could take your 2yold on an ad hoc basis if you get supply and/or put him in one morning or afternoon/ week so you can volunteer to get relevant experience.
Also consider applying for TA jobs- it would get you relevant recent experience and could lead to a job offer or at least a heads up of upcoming posts.
Have you told your dcs schools that you're a qualified teacher and currently job searching?
Send every school you could reach your CV stating you're available for classroom teaching, invigoration and cover work.

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alistron1 · 03/01/2014 20:05

Invigoration work - LOL, that would be a Daily Mail headline ;)

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Helpyourself · 03/01/2014 20:29

Xmas Blush
OP you're feeling stuck because of what you can't do.
Concentrate on what you can do.

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RooRooTaToot · 03/01/2014 20:30

You have had a lot of great advice. One suggestion that I haven't seen mentioned yet is, have you considered marking exam papers? If you are secondary, it would be an excellent refresher into the current GCSE / A Level syllabuses, which would help your application stand out (plus you can do it from home).

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PosyNarker · 03/01/2014 20:37

OP I don't think you understand that the problem is almost certainly your lack of experience in the classroom & people are trying to tell you that (fairly gently I think).

Unfortunately your competition are probably young people without caring responsibilities or people who have childcare they can fall back on. If they are retrained rather than fresh out of uni, they may also have links to a school (volunteering, TA). These people can take the short term supply roles that get their faces known and lead to longer term work (e.g. a mat leave cover).

Was your DP supportive of you retraining?

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WhatAPallava · 03/01/2014 20:48

OP I'm employed through a supply agency and I'm on a GPS guaranteed payment scheme.
I'm guaranteed my set number of days, if they can't give me work they still have to pay me 80%
(My day rate is 120)

I'll pm you the agency I work for as I know they have offices up and down the country

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HappyMummyOfOne · 03/01/2014 20:54

As others have said, without any experience you will really struggle to get to interview stage. You need to do supply or at least volunteer a few days a week.

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ImperialBlether · 03/01/2014 21:06

RooRoo the only exam marking for A levels is next summer.

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woodrunner · 03/01/2014 21:07

Desperate, you sound extremely stressed, maybe even depressed. A sign of depression is having a fatalistic attitude to all solutions to problems except the one you have pinned all hopes on. Please, please recognise this isn't a criticism (been there) but do take steps to help yourself feel brighter about the possibilities out there.

You have said you can't tutor, supply teach, volunteer, be a TA or nursery teacher for various reasons. This negative attitude leads to lack of experience which in turn makes you far less employable than someone with a can-do attitude and lots of experience.

My DC had teachers who travelled miles to get to school, or who had very young children (under a year). They did it. It is doable if there's a will. If there isn't the will, that's the underlying problem that keeps you from getting a job, and that's what needs to be addressed. People have the right (imo) to feel reasonably happy and optimistic about life, even in tough times, so if stress has prevented you from being able to solve problems rather than dwell on them, you deserve some help to feel better about your situation - whatever that help may be.

The pre-school years are really really tough on professional women who have had to opt out of the workforce to be a SAHM. I remember tearing my hair out to get back to work. It feels like forever, but soon they'll be in nursery and your sanity gets restored. hang in there!

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ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 03/01/2014 21:10

I agree you sound stressed and I apologise if any of my comments earlier sounded harsh. I've pmed you offering practical help.

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HermioneWeasley · 03/01/2014 21:25

Agree with others saying the likely issue is lack of experience, and that's what you need to address

Presumably you have Childcare for the day of the course, so why not sign up with supply agencies for that day. You could save the £80, earn for the day and have another day's experience under you belt

Use that to fund more Childcare for more supply days and keep going

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RooRooTaToot · 03/01/2014 21:26

Ah, I wasn't sure about dates, Imperial. How far in advance do you apply to become an exam marker?

I've worked for an exam board prior to my PGCE and found that it was a plus to help get my NQT job 6 years ago. I've not done marking myself, but remember an email going round 2 or 3 weeks ago from an exam board (OCR or CIE, not sure which, but they are part of the same company) looking to recruit new markers for GCSE / IGCSE.

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mumandboys123 · 03/01/2014 21:28

I wouldn't claim to be an expert - I retrained last year and am now an NQT. I was lucky - I volunteered with a view to the school I was volunteering at taking me on via the GTP programme. They were desperate for me - and I didn't get on it! There was a job available and I'd have walked straight into it - they had no intention of interviewing and somewhere along the line I screwed up! So, I made a very, very late PGCE application and luckily got accepted onto that. The school I got a job at was my second placement school. Lucky - right place, right time (although they did interview and seriously put me and 3 others through the mill!).

I agree with all the others - you need to get in school because in school you'll hear all the buzz words and start getting a feel for how it really is. Your observations and experience will then used to bring to life your applications and interviews - it's not just book work you're quoting at your interview panel. On top of that, you will find people will sit down with you and help you prepare for interview and give some tips on what to say/what not to say. On top of that people leave their jobs all the time - when you least expect it. Stress, illness, pregnancy, becoming a carer, having an accident....people disappear from their job. The school will fall back on the devil they know if there's a devil waiting in the wings!

Your personal circumstances are obviously very difficult and as someone said further above, focusing on what you can do rather than what you can't might help improve the situation.

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MissMillament · 03/01/2014 21:32

Exam marking will be a no-go for the OP, I'm afraid. Exam boards won't take on teachers with less than two years experience.

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Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 03/01/2014 21:41

First of all thank you for comments and offers of help. I have had a drink of gin and can appreciate you were trying to help.

However, me not doing as you say isn't because I'm dismissive of you - it's because it's unworkable.

Quite a few people have suggested 'do supply on the day of the course!' Well - the course is on the Saturday. So that's out. Even if it wasn't, supply just isn't a option for me. There's barely any around, I have no transport, and certainly do not have the money to pay for a taxi. By the time I'd paid for a taxi to the school, paid for childcare for DD and after school clubs for DSs, I'd be no better off. It would still be worth doing, except I wold lose money because the after school clubs are paid for on a half termly basis and we are scraping the bottom of the barrel to feed the kids as it is, it isn't a question of 'the money is there to spend on childcare but we're spending it on other stuff' - we don't HAVE it!

I'm sure some of you will still think I'm BU not to do supply but trust me I have tried to think every which way of how it would work.

Volunteering in the kids schools is a no-go for the same reason - no one to look after DD.

A minimum wage job would not pay for childcare during the day so has to work around DP. I worked in a restaurant over the Christmas period (October onwards) and am looking for something else but haven't as yet been successful. There just isn't a lot: anti social hours mean again transport is an issue. There is a possibility of working at an elderly residents home, I hope something comes of it.

I'm not sure what else has been suggested. I'm secondary trained by the way - History.

I understand some people mean to be kind, but would be grateful if the PMs telling me they will help would stop, as people tell me they are always successful in their applications and its making me feel even more inadequate than I already do. I'm sure I'll get my head bitten off for that but I didn't ask 'Aibu to ask you to help me get a job' so ...

The truth is, I was desperate to train as a teacher and I did so at huge cost to my family thinking it would be OK when I had work. Instead I've wrecked everything and we may lose our children's home because of me, I have to live with that. Perhaps DP is right and the course in question preys on people's misery.

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Barefootgirl · 03/01/2014 21:43

Desperate, you absolutely need to get some school experience under your belt. Can you go in and read with the Reception class, or do some sort of Nurture group work with older children? I know you have said that you can't do this because you have no childcare, but is there really and truly no-one at all who could look after your little one for one morning per week? Because sorry to sound harsh, but if there isn't, how on earth are you expecting to hold down a job teaching when you finally get one?

Also, do some private tutoring. This was my main source of teaching experience before getting a "proper" teaching role (I teach adults, so it is a bit different).

If you don't drive, how are you going to get to a new job, or supply work if you are offered any? Who is going to look after the kids when you are working?

Can you look for TA roles to tide you over?

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Barefootgirl · 03/01/2014 21:45

We cross-posted. Perhaps you need to put your dreams of being a teacher on hold until your children are older, bite the bullet and get a boring office job / carer / childminder job to tide your family over. If you cannot drive (didn't notice whether you could or not), then I would spend the £80 on lessons. Being mobile and flexible vastly increases your chance of finding work.

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notapizzaeater · 03/01/2014 21:46

Wasn't the tax credits cover the old are cost ? Have you advertised on Facebook that you'll tutor ? Ask a few friends to share it, you'd be amazed how quick it can spread.

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Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 03/01/2014 21:47

Barefootgirl, I'd have thought it was obvious that with a regular income we could pay for childcare.

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Desperateretrainedmumof3 · 03/01/2014 21:48

There is next to no take up for tutoring round here and it tends to be English/maths based. I have advertised for months and no responses.

Anyway...

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mumandboys123 · 03/01/2014 21:52

where/how have you advertised?

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Barefootgirl · 03/01/2014 21:52

Do education authorities pay in advance now then? You will have to work for at least one month before you start getting paid, but msot childminders won't want to wait for a month, neither will FT nurseries.

Are there any other options for a secondary-trained History teacher? Museum education? Adult evening classes (though there are not as many of these as there used to be). WEA often look for suitably-qualified people to run adult education classes in the evenings.

Lots of people asked you quite politely, where you are fallingdown- are you failing at the interview stage, or are you not getting that far?

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