To have used the disabled loo today :(

[peking]

An embarrassing moment.

Was in our public library when suddenly overcome with an urgent need to go (Crohn's - thought it was under control but I guess Christmas has messed things up).

There were two toilets - one disabled which also held the only nappy-changing facility there, and one toilet on its own. The single toilet was engaged so I dashed into the disabled. I took some time as I felt really shaky and couldn't stand up for a few minutes.

About halfway through I could hear a toddler crying on the other side and the father trying to placate him as he needed his nappy changed. The toddler probably had to wait about 5 mins.

When I finally got out the father shouted after me "you're out of order, you're not even disabled!"

How mortifying. I just had to ignore him but felt awful for the toddler. As many MN'ers have probably come across people taking up the disabled/nappy-changing facilities before, AIBU?

[RowanMumsnet]

AHEM

Do please look at the This Is My Child info

Lots of posters who are parents of children with disabilities (or who have disabilities themselves) contributed information to it, including accounts of their experiences of using facilities for disabled people.

We'd appreciate it if posters could take a step back and remember that the ability to access such facilities can make a huge difference to the quality of life of disabled people and their families.

[SpikeyTree]

The campaigning was to allow people with disabilities the chance to access public spaces. Generally there is one toilet for people with disabilities to use, versus a row of cubicles for the able bodied.

Leaving the facilities for those with no other choice shouldn't be difficult. Growing up watching your father lose his dignity by having to pee into a bottle in public tends to make me rather strident on this issue.

[Tiptops]

puntastic you have absolutely no idea whether the gentleman was disabled or not so it's just as well you didn't say anything to him. I'm sick of ignorant people assuming all disabilities are visible!

OP you were absolutely entitled to use the disabled loo. Please take no notice of that idiot. I guess he is a qualified Doctor who carried out an on the spot health assessment of you?!

[RandyRudolf]

There are 'non disabled/diagnosed' people walking round with symptoms who probably don't realise they have a condition or are waiting for a final diagnosis who could be regarded as 'healthy'. As I said before, you know your own body and the urgency you need to use the toilet. Pure selfishness is the only reason to block these facilities for others when other cubicles are available. But if you have to go, you have to go and people will use them.

[youarewinning]

Yanbu. My son has SN and relayed bowel problems that means at times he cannot hold or worse leaks a little. As he is 9 and can no longer use a ladies with me we have a radar key ( from council and needed a rainforest of paperwork!). We only use it when necessary.

As you do actually have a medical condition you should look into getting a radar key - a consultants letter should be sufficient. Then if you need it you have it.

And anyway that toilet sounds more like an accessible toilet rather than purely a disabled one.

[SpikeyTree]

I wouldn't presume to speak for any person with disabilities, I tend to allow them to speak for themselves.

I don't think anyone has said that someone with no option other than to soil themselves should not use the facilities. What had been said is that they should exhaust the other options first, not just 'nip in' because it makes life easier. The person with a disability doesn't have other options.

[lougle]

OP, you have no reason to feel guilt - you are legally disabled, as defined by the DDA, because of your condition.

I agree that as the parent of a disabled child, I would happily see someone in a compromising situation (about to be sick, have diarrhoea, wee themselves, etc.) who was not otherwise disabled, dash into the disabled toilet to relieve themselves.

I also agree with the posters who say that if you are not in that situation and are otherwise not disabled, then you should wait your turn in the queue.

I don't think it's right that people defend their right to use these toilets 'because I can and I want to'. Where is the compassion for those that can only use those toilets?

[peking]

I didn't realise there were locked "disabled" toilets and ones that were unlocked, "accessible" toilets - completely clueless on all this!

Anyway I used the one with the "disabled" symbol that was left open.

I think what made it worse was that the toddler, between crying, was asking why they were standing outside. The father was explaining very patiently to his DS about disabled people and then shut up abruptly when I walked out!

[DoYouLikeMyBaubles]

It's bloody ridiculous how people seem to think you have to have a visible disability to have one. It's sheer ignorance. I do think we would benefit from a national campaign, if people can't open their eyes themselves it may be the best way to do it for them.

[CrohnicallySick]

Peking- in that case I would have spoken to the toddler and said something like 'don't forget, some people have disabilities that you can't see'

[SpikeyTree]

Not one person has said the OP was unreasonable. She is disabled.

[lookatmybutt]

Just thinking the toilet facilities in the UK are still very poor compared to other countries ... such as Japan where I lived for a year, where every underground station in the city, and every major department store and public building, had plenty of facilities for all.

This made me laugh, but I did spend more time in the suburbs/small towns. Hole in the ground? Surrounded by a sea of wee?

I really wish we had those luxury bum wash toilets over here, though. They're heavenly. Probably be quite handy if you had loo problems - very relaxing and refreshing The waterfall noises freak me out, though.

[peking]

Oh the things you think of to say after the event!

Least I know what to say to people if this ever happens again. Thanks everyone

[SpikeyTree]

Several posters have said that it is okay to use the facilities as long as they just 'nip in' and don't do their make-up and hair whilst in there.

[JugglingIntoANewYear]

I do think there are some slightly grey areas though Spikey - like the weird motorway services I was in with a young ds which was unfamiliar and we couldn't easily find the regular toilets. So we went in the "disabled"/accessible one which we'd come across, which also had baby changing facilities (which he might have needed but probably didn't) - and when we came out got a bit of a bollocking from a mother who was now waiting with her disabled child (but for a very short time)
It's just to me there are quite a few grey areas, not enough facilities in general, and everyone could try to show consideration and good grace.

[youarewinning]

In fact I may take the opportunity to tell you my little disagreement with DS school re disabled toilet.
As I said ^^ he has a radar key, difficulties which he takes medications for and an urgency at times - he doesn't know he needs to go until he does iyswim?
The staff toilet is actually the disabled one. So when DS was being refused access to the toilet when he needed it during class (as his care plan says he should) I did say he was intitled to use a disabled one as he is classed as disabled. (In fact he gets dla due to his SN). I didn't let on I knew this was also used as a staff toilet - but suddenly they stopped refusing him to go.

As many have said some people can only use a disabled toilet, some will need one at times because they have an illness or disability that flares up.

[Pixel]

Toilet comments have been mainly from parents waiting for changing facilities
Ds has a radar key (and blue badge) and needs help to use the toilet so we use the disabled ones. Once I was just helping him pull up his trousers and the door opened and someone with a buggy barged in (leaving poor ds in full view of a busy station I might add) . They couldn't wait a few minutes to change their precious baby's nappy so they'd got a member of staff to unlock the door. They didn't even knock! Or apologise for that matter.

I agree that having changing facilities in the disabled toilets just makes things more difficult, but then disabled people have babies too...
I can't see why we don't just put changing facilities in all the toilets, (it's usually only one of those dreadful pull down things and a bin anyway, not exactly elaborate) if people really can't manage to change a nappy without a special area.

[SpikeyTree]

Putting baby change facilities in disabled toilets is a disgrace, tbh, but not the fault of the parents who need to change their babies. If you are not about to soil yourself, and you do not need to change a baby, just leave the facilities for those who need them and have the grace to be grateful you don't.

[DoYouLikeMyBaubles]

It really irritates me when they have men's, and then women's/disabled. The McDonald's here had that, as did the primark. What is that all about?!

[youarewinning]

The disabled ones are locked or unlocked! I'm not sure there's really much difference but the disabled toilets that are also nappy changing facilities are often referred to accessible - purely because they aren't reserved solely for disabled people. Personally I dislike this as it does mean disabled people can be left waiting unnecessarily.