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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disconcerted by 12 year old ds's..............er....maleness...?

169 replies

curlew · 02/01/2014 18:06

We are a family that's pretty relaxed about nudity, and ds just wandered out of the shower- and his willy and balls have suddenly turned, practically overnight, into grown up ones.

All perfectly natural and I love that he's growing up, but......waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

OP posts:
madmomma · 03/01/2014 14:29

YANBU my first daughter started getting boobs at 8 and by 10 she was like Jessica bleedin Rabbit. It's a right headfuck.

lougle · 03/01/2014 14:45

I have to say that I'd be a bit Shock at 12! I don't have boys and just assumed that they wouldn't look 'manly' until at least 15 Grin

I think attitudes to nudity are really interesting. My 4 year old was on the toilet yesterday and said 'Mum, what are these lumps in my lulu, here? There are two...' I just said 'Oh, that bit is your clitoral hood and those are called 'labia'. It's bedtime now but I'll show you an anatomy book, a book on parts of the body, tomorrow if you want to know more.' She said 'ok. It's rude to look and talk about lulus isn't it?' I replied 'It's fine if it's your own lulu, but it's not polite to look and talk about other people's.' She said 'Ok. By the way...how do you make water?....' Grin

I was brought up in a home where nudity was 'nothing' - it was neither discouraged nor encouraged...it just was.

DH was brought up in a home where nudity just did not happen. He still talks of being traumatised when he once caught a glimpse of his DM's nipple as he started to open a door. Sad

MunchMunch · 03/01/2014 15:23

Op YANBU, my ds1 is 14 soon and this past year puberty has hit and as much as I'm looking forward to having a big handsome strapping son I feel sad that the baby/young boy years are gone and not coming back Sad at least I have ds2 who is nearly 4.

Ds1 is quite shy about his body at the minute but sometimes let's me see his hairy pits Grin there has been a few times where I'm sat down and turn around to find out that I'm at crotch height (fully clothed btw) and can see that he's becoming more...manly.

Just hoping dd doesn't start her periods and puberty at 9 like I did as she's just gone 6 so I'm hoping for quite a few years of squishyness from her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/01/2014 15:30

I said it was a little TMI.

But that doesn't mean in any way that I think the OP is weird or inappropriate about her son.

That is a disgusting thing to say to a mum.

I just maybe am a bit more prudish re nudity. .We are all different.

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 15:31

OP Yanbu

It is disconcerting. But also lovely to see them growing up. My DS1 is quietly proud that he is growing and developing - he used to obsess so much about being small (stature, I mean).

When do they start shaving??

I also think it's great that some of our DCs can ask us about their bodies

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 15:33

I do get pangs of looking back, but I can honestly say I have enjoyed each new phase, and the independence it brings. Up to a point - I will be a wreck at some point

Mignonette · 03/01/2014 15:43

I've never seen my children naked since puberty hit- they are both grown now. Not because of prudishness; we are a home that talks about anything, but because the kids both became quite private once they hit this age. I was happy to be seen deshabille but they also needed to understand our right to privacy- in our bedroom for example.

Boundaries should be adhered to- what your child and yourself feel comfortable with.

I think the natural desire for privacy that can occur at puberty may have had a role on discouraging incest in very close communities. I certainly think male teenage children might withdraw from and reject close physical contact from their Mothers especially until they have regained control over their sexual responses (which can be pretty random). It may serve that purpose.

I've never had the sadness about my children growing up. I don't find it poignant and do not see it as a loss of anything. Am just relieved that I got to have children that grew up when so many parents do not.

DottyDot · 03/01/2014 15:49

I was having a bit of a pang last night because ds is also growing at a rate of about 1cm a week (feels like that anyway!) and is now about 5'6" - I miss him as a little boy, literally and it feels weird trying to hug him now he's virtually my height! I also feel sad that he's sad about getting hairy - poor sod - he's got a couple of hairs under each arm and the beginnings of fuzz on his upper lip and he just wants them all to go away!

But I'm pang-free about how grown up he's become in other ways - like doing the washing up without being asked Shock Grin

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 15:51

Mignonette

yy. I agree. I assume the need for privacy as a default, although the older DS, who is entering puberty is less private than the younger.

Mignonette · 03/01/2014 15:56

Yes, unless you want to walk in on your kids shagging their partners, the knock on the door and wait rule needs to be used before puberty!

Original poster
curlew · 03/01/2014 16:01

Interesting. In real life some people think I'm strange because we have a strict knock and wait policy for closed bedroom doors and have done since the children were old enought to shut their doors. And they are allowed to say "go away please" and it be respected.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/01/2014 16:02

DS1 (14.5) won't even let me see him in his pants. As far as I'm concerned, he is still the little boy whose nappy I used to change and is no different at all and I will not believe anyone who tries to convince me otherwise. Despite him being taller than me (and I'm not short).

SilverApples · 03/01/2014 16:06

It's also interesting how different teens have different levels of comfortableness with being nude around others, and how part of accepting they are growing up is allowing them to be private if they want to be.

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 16:08

curlew

Yes. I've knocked and waited for as long as I can remember.

TheCrumpetQueen · 03/01/2014 16:09

horrid beardy bloke cheeks

Haha!

MiserableJanuaryJerseySpud · 03/01/2014 16:26

DD1 is 7 now and already she wants us to leave the room when she gets changed. Im only allowed in the bathroom to wash her hair otherwise she doesn't want the company (but still happily plays with toys in the bath)

She looks so grown up when shes dressed in just jeans and a hoody.

At least i have DD2 who is 2 to be all cute and cuddly still. And not force me to listen to One Direction. On repeat.

sausageandorangepickle · 03/01/2014 16:35

I'm with lougle i knew this would happen but it seems to have been a bit sooner than i thought. My DS's aged 14 and 12 are both taller than me, and have changed to have more manly shaped bodies and armpit hair (sure they have developed all over, but they haven't shown me) - I thought it would be 15 or 16 before that happened

hottea7 · 03/01/2014 16:50

My boy is 11 and recently I bought him a book on puberty, for him to read and for us to talk about together if he wanted to. He asked me about wet dreams and I said just put your sheets in the machine and I will wash them, he joked will probably have to snap them in half mum. I was like whhhaattt, my baby

hottea7 · 03/01/2014 16:50

My boy is 11 and recently I bought him a book on puberty, for him to read and for us to talk about together if he wanted to. He asked me about wet dreams and I said just put your sheets in the machine and I will wash them, he joked will probably have to snap them in half mum. I was like whhhaattt, my baby

SomethingkindaOod · 03/01/2014 17:39

Oh yes, my 13 year old DS called me into the bathroom one memorable evening while in the bath, which is odd in itself as while we're relaxed about nudity, his bath is sacred to him alone. "mum I've got 3 pubes, do I have any chest hair? I can't see down properly to look" FFS. Cheers love, I was changing your nappy last week I'm sure and now you're counting pubes??
His voice has started to go as well, listening to him and his cousin (same age) talking to each other is like listening to a slightly posher Kevin and Perry...
it's a shocker and no mistake. I'm howling at the thought of PP's being picked up and carried down the street by their Sons though, this is exactly what DS will be doing when he's a bit bigger!
YANBU curlew at all! some very weird responses on this thread too!

motherinferior · 03/01/2014 17:53

DD1 is very relaxed about her bodyGrin it is a shock, really, how she is turning into a gorgeous young woman just as I finally decline-.

elvesavleftdabildin · 03/01/2014 17:58

Now, if your DS was 20 and surprised you with an eight yo's set of bits ....................

Purplepoodle · 03/01/2014 20:18

My ds's are all 5 and under; they like to sit and chat while I'm having a shower. Iv would lock the door but we only have one bathroom. I was wondering yesterday when I should start discouraging eldest ds from coming in the bathroom. Iv had the 20 questions about all my bits so he isn't really fussed now lol

deakymom · 03/01/2014 23:09

felt the same way when my daughter got her periods and her bra its a thought going through my head im-old-im-old-im-old followed by when did she grow up? she is nearly as tall as me? she understands sex jokes and tries to hide it i saw her flirting the other day her dad went mental and showed her a live birth on youtube (she is allergic to latex so we think contraception will be an issue should she decide to copy her friends) she doesn't want a boyfriend any-more apparently

InTheRedCorner · 03/01/2014 23:24

DD1 is 12 and delights in showing me every new hair under her arm and let's me know every time she has her period.

Her BFF also waltz around naked from bathroom to bedroom and they both feel relaxed and at home.

Great for when I'm having a all hang low very early wee

Nothing wrong with being naked in your safe environment.