To get upset by people's gender preferences for girls

[roweeena]

So everyone seems to want girls. A couple I know we're very happy to find out they were having a girl 'as that's what they really wanted'. SIL has been congratulated in having girl and when she found out everyone was so excited.

Whereas I have two DS, DS2 is 12 weeks and I'm possibly a bit hormonal and over sensitive but people have actually asked me if I'm disappointed, when I'm going to try again for a girl and have told me that girls stay closer to their mums whereas boys you have to deal with DIL.

Why are boys seen as second rate and why do people seem to be disappointed I have two DS. I love them so much and can't wait to see what type of men they grow into.

I'm just getting annoyed with other people responses

I know what you mean, OP.

I actively think I could enjoy playtime with a DS more than a DD but of course if I had a DD I would not be disappointed.

I'm the only person I know in RL who holds this view. Everyone else I've spoken to about gender preferences said they had at least a slight hankering for a daughter rather than a son at some point before they have birth.

I've never noticed that.

In fact in our family a boy would probably be seen as more exciting, as there is quite a few girls on both sides of our families (Fiance and I and also on both sides of my family).

But it might be different in different circles.

I always wanted to have whatever I was given. It would be nice to have a boy and a girl to see how different it is and to just have the experience of having both but I honestly wouldn't mind if I had 2 boys, 2 girls or one of each. I have a daughter at the moment and we will have another and perhaps a third, but probably just two. Whatever nature brings us we will be absolutely delighted with.

It's just harder to choose boys names, that's my experience. :)

But I will definitely be happy with whatever I am given next time, just like I was with my daughter. Twins, girl, boy, blind, deaf I would've loved that child to hell and back.

Trust me I definitely do. There is nothing that little girl wants for :)

Ok I have nc for this, I actually nearly started my own thread.

The only gender disappointment that has openly expressed to me regarding my boys is by my MIL. Which is upsetting in itself because usually I like to think we get pretty well and she isnt a MIL from hell like some I've read about on here.

MIL has openly been wanting a granddaughter for years. Both sil and I were pregnant first time round close together and both had boys, but that was ok because next time we could have a girl

Second time round we purposefully asked the gender partly because atleast MIL wouldn't have 9 months of hoping pointlessly if it was another boy. Scan showed definate boy bits and when we told her gently her disappointment was palpable.

Cut to this Christmas and she has mentioned it numerous times to the point of other people noticing - apparently we can try for a girl next time.

I wouldn't mind but

a, we aren't planning a third dc
B, we don't have room or finances for a third dc
C, we are quite happy with what nature has given us
D, neither dh or I are getting any younger

Oh and I am actually still pregnant with ds2 - he's not due for a few more weeks.

The stereotypes are annoying. Mil trots out the cliches about sons not being close to parents but daughters are. For her a convenient excuse for the rubbish relationship she has with both her sons due entirely to her difficult personality. My sisters and many friends get on brilliantly with their mils in fact both my sisters would take their dc to ils when their dhs working or away.

How rude UncleGuber

• To say next time you can try for a girl when you've not even had your dear ds yet. Outrageous! I do hope she didn't upset you

Best of luck with everything - I'm sure DS1 will be delighted to have a brother (for one thing)

ChristheSheep I had exactly the same reaction after my scan with DS2, for exactly the same reason. DH very cleverly figured out what was upsetting me - even before I did. Once I realised it was the PND talking I got over it fairly quickly.

I'm 30 weeks now and can't wait to meet him. I've already named him in my head (DH will just have to agree with my choice ) and can't even imagine expecting a girl.

Hope everything works out for you and your DS2

juggling thanks.

I have kind of let it wash over me up to now but the old hormones are getting to me and I'm starting to get a bit annoyed. Anymore ande dh will need to talk to her.

It's like I'm some kind of breeding animal and as most reasonable people know you can't guarantee the sex anyway! If anything the pressure would put me off a third dc - no child imo should be born with such high expectations

juggling sorry wasnt referring or criticising you just the general stereotype that boys are more loving.

That's OK, I realise several people made reference of some kind to that old stereotype

uncleGuber how awfully sad that your mil is like this. Ignore her if you can. She's lucky she has healthy grandchildren.

My ds has always been fabulously cuddly though and a real sweetie

Thanks, CountBapula! We must be having synchronised babies : I'm 29 weeks but am having an ELCS at 39 due to previous EMCS and gestational diabetes which means he'll have to come out before time... Good luck to you too: I really hope the PND gives you a break this time

Ah my dss are cuddly too, hairy 6ft 2' though.

Good luck to all bumps of either sex.

Thanks everyone, I think I was having a über sensitive early morning meltdown. The hormones are raging and I. (Probably very unreasonably) seem to be taking people with strong gender preferences for girls as a slight on my two lovely boys!

I know very unreasonable!

I think I'm just surround by tactless and annoying 'girls are best' or 'need one of each' type people.

Anyway I'm over it now (until my next bout of insomnia)

Ps - some MILs do sound bloody awful
Pps - boys are lots of fun, you just need some imagination to avoid boring names(I always struggled with girls names luckily) & the clothes are better because boys clothes come in a multitude of colours not just variations on pink!

I think you have hit the nail on the head, you are feeling protective of ds2 and his perfectness!

I didn't know what I was having either time, but when I was pregnant with dc2 and people kept asking if I wanted a girl this time, I felt really sad for the boy I might have that people would feel was a disappointment. They were just making conversation but it made me really really want a boy so I could prove to people that I would love him just as much as any girl!

When I was pregnant 2 years ago, I ddin't know the gender of my baby. At first i wanted to know at my 20 week scan whereas DH didn't. When we had our 20 week scan, I suddenly changed my mind. I really didn't mind if it was a boy or a girl - it was just beautiful and mind blowing to see my little one wriggle not playing ball, being awkward etc, etc .

20 weeks later, my little boy was born. We had a traumatic time and I felt blessed and lucky that BOTH of us were alive.

When it came to shoping for clothes, my blood boiled. I was fed up going into stores and seeing TWICE as many clothes for girls as there was for boys. Not a lot of imagination went into the boys clothing. It was making me think that society favoured girls over boys!

Having said that my DS loves Sofia the First, loves make-up and hairstyling, domestic chores and has a pink buggy with a 'boy baby' in it! (All stereotypical girl things!)

Now that we're about to TTC child number 2, everyone is asking me what I prefer In private, I am/was 60/40 in favour of a boy - practicality reasons due to having the clothing and 'planning' on having him/her around my DS's 3rd birthday, a playmate for DS and because I have really enjoyed my little boy his girfriends are little strop monsters.

The other night I had a dream that I did have a little boy the day after my DS turned 3 but he didn't look like any of us! He had a mass of black hair and olive skin (we are very pale and fair haired). I was disappointed he was a boy and 'rejected' him. Now I'm left wondering if it is my subconcious telling me that actually I'd rather have a girl!

Either way, whether I have a boy or a girl, the child will be loved and cherished as much as the first.

But I do get a bee in my bonnet about store chains 'favouring' girl clothing over boys!

Soooo much pink as well - but that's another thread that's probably already been given a whirl!

pinkandlilacspring I feel exactly the same as you, but about boys.

I always dreamed of having a little boy and would have been heartbroken if I never had one. I was over the moon when I had my scan and found out I was having DS. When I called my mum to tell her she cried with happiness because she knew how much I wanted a boy.

Next time round I would love another boy just like DS. If it's a girl, that would be cool but if I never had a daughter it wouldn't bother me. Lots of people assume I want a girl next though and are really surprised when I say otherwise.

Move to Ireland. Lots of elderly women always stop to tell me how lucky I am to have 4 healthy sons, dd is irelevant. Point is, its all about people projecting their own feelings. Ignore and focus on your own

I do know what you mean OP. Having 2 boys myself I have had people ask me if I will try for a girl (no I won't). On the other hand my friends has 3 girls and gets asked if she'd try for a boy (she won't be either.)

I do think some women think having a girl is more fun (granted the clothes are nicer) but I'm happy to have my 2 boys and if I did get pregnant I'd be happy with a third boy - I'd be happy with a girl too but a third baby isn't happening for a number of reasons so I'll just be happy with the 2 healthy kids I have.

Other cultures favour boys over girls, I think it just depends. I also think you are probably a bit sensitive to it just now with a young baby. No matter, your two boys will be happy little alternating enemies and friends. Just enjoy them OP

No OP, you're not imagining it. I had the most horrific time when I found out my DS was a DS. 5 years on I am just about turning a corner with it.

I think you perceive you only hear about it on MN, because of how badly judged and scorned you would be if you ever said anything in RL that honestly gave some idea of how much one particular gender means to you. Lots of things are said on MN because people can be brutally honest and open, which they can't in RL.

Gender disappointment is horrific, well as severe as mine is/was. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

It's very real. I posted my first thread ever on here as a bit of a cry for help, and you would not believe the amount of women who messaged me (privately, as there were some real bastards on that thread calling me basically evil and sick and they felt to scared to get the same hostility) saying they felt exactly the same and how awful they felt. We all, without exception wanted girls.

Kerala - have we got the same MIL? I'm sure it's an excuse half the time for not bothering to call. She complains boys are rubbish on the phone but you call her and she barely lasts 2 mins and shouting BYEEE down at me.

I think you real what you sow with your children to a certain extent, if you don't bother calling them they are not going to bother to call you etc.

Sugar, I read your thread but didn't post. Hope things are a little easier for you now.

Aaah! MIL's shouting BYEEEE!! when you're not even done with the conversation yet! What's with that?

MIL always wanted a daughter (she's made no secret of the fact in front of her 3 DS's...) so now she's on at them for girl grandchildren.

Sigh.

She doesn't seem to like me very much as I'm possibly the least girly woman she's ever encountered!

The problem is people always think it is about being 'girly' - it isn't.

I once admitted I was 'nervous' about having a boy ('devastated' would have been more accurate, had DD been a boy) and people said that oh, it was okay, I could paint his nails.

I don't want a child to dress up and paint their nails for me, it went much, much deeper than that. I wish I could explain it.