To get upset by people's gender preferences for girls

[roweeena]

So everyone seems to want girls. A couple I know we're very happy to find out they were having a girl 'as that's what they really wanted'. SIL has been congratulated in having girl and when she found out everyone was so excited.

Whereas I have two DS, DS2 is 12 weeks and I'm possibly a bit hormonal and over sensitive but people have actually asked me if I'm disappointed, when I'm going to try again for a girl and have told me that girls stay closer to their mums whereas boys you have to deal with DIL.

Why are boys seen as second rate and why do people seem to be disappointed I have two DS. I love them so much and can't wait to see what type of men they grow into.

I'm just getting annoyed with other people responses

I have 2 girls, 1 boy, and 2 grandaughters

My son loves cuddling his neices but he feels a bit lost in a sea of girls, so he really wants the next grandchild to be a boy, and I have to admit, I'd like it if my third GC was a boy. Of course I'd be happy beyond measure with a girl, but still, the slight preferance is there.

I'll say straight out that when I was approved to adopt, it was for a girl only (1995). The second time, also specifically for a girl (2003). Neither time was it because I thought girls were cuter and I would get to go shopping with a pink princess (I don't even like pink clothes and pink toys) and nor have I ever thought that girls are closer to their mum's than boys etc.

DS was my unexpected boy and I love his personality and everything about him to bits. And I love having a boy as well as girls. I like having at least one of each and getting to experience both genders

MIL spent the whole of Christmas throwing out gender stereotypes at me.

Of course your closer to daughters (she has 3 boys)
Girls ring their mums and boys don't
You can't meet a son for a coffee like you would a girl

On and on,

Thing is DP would totally ring and meet her more but it's her that's very standoffish.

I have 2 DS

I do wonder what our relationship will be like as adults but there were no boys in my family and I have nothing to compare, apart from my MIL.

A random in the drs surgery said to me - make the most of him now he won't ring you when he grows up.

It's all very annoying.

I have 3 girls followed by 2 boys. They can equally be loving and annoying.
All 5 are completely different and yet so similar.
We never had any comments about their gender but we did and still do have comments about having so many.

I cried during my scan because they told us we had a boy on the way. I wanted a girl. But when he was born I was smitten. and now I wouldn't change him at all. I would like a girl, but if I had a boy it wouldn't be a factor. So long as there healthy and happy. x

Only on MN have I ever encountered this mythical Western preference for girls.

After one DD my DH was happy our second child was another DD.
Not because he had a particular prefferance for girls but that he knew his family would have made a big deal of a boy, someone to take to football, carry on the family name etc. They would have tried to made a fuss of him while continuing to vrirtualy ignore DD1. Now they both treated the same way. A card dropped through the door at birthdays and Christmas and maybe see us once a year despite living 2.5 miles away.

How about the other adage about men secretly wanting boys? I was delighted when I had a little guy as me/DH knew we were only ever going to have one and I didn't want him to be disappointed! Ridiculous really, I'm sure I would've loved a girl just as much. But this way I feel no pressure to go through it again and we're all v happy. Two other friends (also with ownlies, and boys) feel exactly the same.

"Only on MN have I ever encountered this mythical Western preference for girls."

Me too. It goes with the "feminism has gone too far- men are the oppressed gender now" meme.

Agree never met a preference of gender in RL though fir sure people talk a load of stereotyping bollocks.

I am just as close to all of mine, my 2 grown up lads text me every day to day hi as they know I worry and the teen girls are great at communicating too.

The ones who say boys are more loving obviously love their boys more. How sad.

I work in Early Years and there is a very strong and openly expressed preference for girls, both among parents and staff.

I hear it all the time. So the OP is not imagining it.

Thus is a predominantly white area with very little cultural mix. I wonder how much difference that makes.

I have three boys and I'm constantly getting asked if I'm going to try for a boy. Do I not look content with what I've got? I think three children is more than enough, regardless of their sex.

One school run mum told me my life wouldn't be complete unless I had a girl. She has 4 girls.

I have a colleague who had a girl after three boys and I feel sorry for her daughter, colleague has such high expectations of her. She never shuts up about how marvelous little Betty is, how amazing she is, how everyone who meets her adores her blah blah blah. Never a word said about her sons though. She never shows pictures of them, always of Betty in her new clothes from different angles, all her summer holiday photos were of Betty with the odd obligatory one of one of her boys next to Betty.

Only on MN have I ever encountered this mythical Western preference for girls.

I have encountered it a lot. Because I move in circles where people are able to express a preference and have that taken into account when being matched with a child and so will say what they want.

Mostly people have no choice and therefore keep their mouth shut because they don't actually have a choice and they look pretty silly when they have a child of the opposite sex to the one they've told everyone they want.

People say what they think online because they are anonymous.

The fact that there is a gender preference for girls in the west at the moment doesn't mean:

1 - that every person wants a girl
2 - that feminism has gone too far
3 - that men are the oppressed gender

It doesn't even mean anything positive for girls/women.

When I adopted DS there were 6 boys and 2 girls (both with moderate health issues) being adopted at the same time in the same place. There were originally equal (roughly) numbers of boys and girls available and those were the only girls left available for adoption in the 0-2 age group and when they left there were no girls waiting to be adopted. There were several healthy boys under two but as they were boys and many were Asian they are the most difficult to place.

These were all western families adopting. It is of course possible that other factors are in play when its adoption - there's a theory that men find it easier to accept a non-genetically related girl than boy for example. But I have seen with my own eyes time and time again that people will wait longer for a less healthy girl when there are healthy boys ready to be placed.

But you can't argue with the statistics that even in countries where more boys than girls are available for adoption (eg Russia) there is still more demand for girls despite longer waiting times. (Caveat most of the statistics are American but from experience the UK isn't much different)

I apply no value judgement to this, it is as it is. But if you don't think there is a trend in the West to prefer girl children over boys then I think you've never been in a room full of people who are able to choose and seen for yourself how many (at least initially) want a girl.

sorry that was a bit long.

"The ones who say boys are more loving obviously love their boys more. How sad"

I'm not sure about that Bodypopper - though I didn't exactly say that anyway, I just said my DS was conforming to the stereotype in being my especially cuddly one (compared to DD)
But really I think they're just slightly different characters, as well as DS being my youngest

I'm currently pregnant with DD2, who was a glorious surprise conceived while waiting to start IVF.

So I felt a little stunned by all the questions as to "what do you want to have?", as I was absolutely over the moon at being able to get pregnant, gender preferences didn't even figure.

And then when I did find out I was having Dd2, people still asked me if that was what I wanted, as if I'd say no.

Dh is from a culture where boys are still the more prized, unfortunately.

When I was pregnant with Dd1, a monstrosity of an auntie had the cheek to say "Maybe the scan is wrong". I have since warned Dh that if I hear any other comments like that, I will not hesitate to respond very bluntly.

Ooh, congratulations Gosh

monicalewinski when do you want them haha.I can drop them round to you.

I don't know if this is anyone else's experience, but I was horribly upset when I found out DC2 was a boy: I had had bad PND with DS1, and took about 18 months to feel even remotely bonded to him. I suppose that I had had a subconscious thought that if I had a girl it would be different, and maybe not so bad, whereas another boy would just mean more of the same unremitting awfulness. I cried for days after the scan: it honestly wasn't anything to do with pink or glitter or spas or anything stupid like that. It's more that it felt like one more thing going wrong, and one more inevitable nail in the coffin of more PND.

Haven't read the responses but I agree with you. My ds is not a second rate booby prize. All the, 'gosh I am so devastated I am having a boy' posts do kinda piss me off.

I'm sorry about your difficult experiences Chris - I had some PND when both of mine were babies too, though I also loved moments of their first years as well.

I'm sorry if my response sounds shallow: it's honestly not meant that way. It's just that my only frame of reference at the moment is "Have a boy; get horribly ill for a long time". Obviously I could have had the PND if DS1 had been a girl, and obviously it could all be different this time, but I guess it's hard to see that from the point of view of not actually having had the child yet.

I always assumed I would have daughters, I'm a girlie girl, into all the stereotypical crap fashion, magazines, soppy films etc. someone even wrote in my school leavers book that I would have 2 girls who I would take to ballet class

DS1 is the best thing that has happened to me. He is a gloriously lovely little boy and I couldn't love him more.
Am now pg with DC2 and the comments from everyone have been unbelievable. We don't know the sex but I get a lot of 'oh THiS one is a girl, I just know it'. When I say it could be a boy I get 'oh well never mind, it will be lovely whatever' etc. Such sympathy from people, it annoys me so much.

I would love another boy and a brother for DS. Convincing others is another matter.

Thanks, Juggling: I do have a friend who had bad PND with her first boy, but had an absolutely lovely time with her DS2. I'm hoping my experience with DS2 might be more like that!

I've got 2 girls and a boy. When DS was born everyone said 'you've got your boy now'. I didn't think it was about one sex being preferred to the other, I don't think in this country there really is a general preference one way or the other, but in my experience more than anything else people assumes you want a 'balanced' family; a friend was pregnant with her 4th, she already had a girl and 2 boys and everyone assumed she'd want another girl.