To ask how common it is for family siblings to fall out due to disputes over wills...

[BraveMerida]

....for whatever reasons? And how long did it take for it to finally resolve?

I remember that thread brag and I agree with you!

My DFil fell out with his sisters when their mother died. He found out that not only had they both had power of attourney for years but they were both the executors of her estate. They'd frittered her money away, took stuff from the house that should have been left to DFil and sold the house away for next to nowt. He had to buy stuff back from auction that had been left to him! He took his time signing the papers that released the funds from the house sale.

My DM didn't make a will but left strict instruction that her house was to be left to my DB, as he still lived there and DSis and I were both married and had homes of our own. At the time we were perfectly happy but as the years passed the house fell into complete disrepair, DB borrowed against it, sold it for next to nowt and after the debts were paid off had a few grand left which he spent on a new car. Now he rents a room from a friend.

If the house had been sold when mum died we'd all have had a substantial sum each, which would have come in really handy, and he'd have had enough to buy his own little place. I love my DB but he squandered the house and now has nothing to show for it.

DM and her siblings have talked about what they will do when my grandparents die - they have made a will but done a DIY one which is unlikely to stand up to any sort of legal challenge. Any assets (there won't be a lot) will be split equally, even with the sister who is mostly estranged from the family. Its the easiest way to avoid more heart ache whenever it happens.

About 5 years and I think being in different countries helped keep it that small a time frame.

It wasn't the will as such - token amount to each GC then split equally between their two sons.

But Uncle was in different country - long distance - so didn't have the long term daily care issues to deal with though did get a lot of money that he'd always forgot to pay back.

So you'd think my parents would have been the problem demanding/expecting more money - but no. My dad accepted it and my mother, though bitter about their treatment of her and her having to do most of the care not pleasant at times and later including finding care homes - had the view it was their money.

It was my Uncle who was the problem because my Dad, younger sibling, had been made executor and not him. My Uncle lived in another country not at all close but he seemed to take it as a slight.

He cause problems at funeral, charges everything he could to the the probated estate including his accommodation costs and got nasty when Dad couldn't reimburse him immediately, got a key copied to their house and took things - which likely my Dad would have given him anyway despite their value.

I'm hoping my own parents have update the will since they asked me to be executor at 18 as they skipped an older sibling to do that. I'm hoping they've since picked my youngest sibling who is close by to them and has more daily contact - so I avoid the whole hassle of being executor and any bad feelings. They haven't said though so fuck knows if they have.

All hell is going to break loose when DH's grandad dies. He's changed his will to benefit only two of his five children because three of them don't bother with him much. They don't know apparently.

Sometimes it doesn't even get to the will stage. My DH's family fell out on the day of the funeral, the will was never put to probate. 24 years later my DH doesn't know who is talking to who or what money was involved.

DH's DB and SIL are childless and reasonably well off. I have no doubt that when they die the lion's share of their money will go to the niece and nephew on her side of the family rather than shared equally between them and my children. She has always seen them more often, taken them out, had them to stay over at weekends etc. They are like her surrogate children whereas she has never bothered at all with mine, and other than the obligatory birthday and christmas presents they have had precious little attention from BIL and SIL, which would be fine if it were not in such stark contrast to they way they have treated her sisters kids.

They will no doubt use the excuse that we are better off that her sister, so our children will do fairly well when they inherit from us, whereas SIL's niece and nephew won't get all that much from their own parents. But that will just be a convenient excuse - really it will be because of blatant favouritism.

I'm expecting it, and I'll just shrug it off when it happens. I do hate unfairness and an lack of balance in these things without very good reason though.

My grandfather on my fathers side died when I was a young child but I grew up with half my aunts and uncles not talking to each other (eight in all) because of grandfathers will. My parents spoke to them all. On my mothers side it was exactly the same with my seven aunts and uncles.

When my Mum died my father made his will without telling anyone it's contents. Somehow he worked it out in percentages. He left more to my 2 sisters than me, and the same with my brother who got the family home even though he only paid one third to buy it but he did still live there. My brother was a millionaire at the time and he has never married or had children. I didn't fall out with any of them over the unequal share as I didn't want a repeat of the above saga. No idea if my brother has made a will or who will inherit but just hope it doesn't upset anyone.

MAD

We have a similar problem. We are leaving our house to childless DD because we do not want the child of our DS to have anything, long story ! We don't know what DD will do with the house, probably have to sell it to live as she wont be able to afford to live in it. Hopefully this will work out alright.

SEE MY ABOVE POST ABOUT DH'S FAMILY. I forgot to mention that DH's eldest sister took her mum's jewellery and other items from her mum's house on the day of her funeral even though her father still lived in the house. The jewellery was supposed to be shared amongst all the family.
THEN on the day of her fathers funeral she raided her sisters house as that was where her father was now living to take his jewellery and Building Society passbook because her sister could sign for the money but she couldn't. It was this that caused the family to fall out. My DH never spoke to her again as she has now died.

Apparently my dgp, who brought me and my two siblings up following our parents death when we were children have left their estate to my two siblings. Db gets two thirds, ds gets one third.

This is to prevent me from frittering money on non essential items such as housing, food and heating.

Db will hand out sensible amounts as and when he sees fit. I care full time for dgp, am a lone parent and work part time. Ex husband beat the shit out of me and then sold our house to buy drugs and gamble.

This is my fault and I can't be trusted. So be it.

Fiverabbits, why do you not want your ds children to inherit?

looknow having known people who have had to make similar very tough decisions, I'm afraid to say that I suspect much to their utter despair and sadness you probably do have a history of frittering money away, not prioritising the essentials in life, making poor decision after poor decision, and then going with the begging bowl to be bailed out yet again without a backward glance, and leaving them at the end of their tether. Am I warm?

Parents do not come to decisons like that lightly, and I am sure it breaks their hearts to do it. If they have categorically said they fear you will 'fritter it' then that is surely what you would do, or previously have done.

or in your case GPs

Oh hang on, didn't see the second part of your post, I do apologise.

You care for them FT?

I suspect they don't trust you not to shack up with a similar loser in the future. They are not cutting you off though - just drip feeding it like pocket money to a child. Perhaps they have their reasons.

do you live with them look?

Have they made arrangements to make sure you stay in their house or have a house provided out of the money from their estate?

That is such a shitty post to someone you nothing about. Fucking hell.

Perhaps yes, and I did apologise for not reading the full post properly. I admit I am projecting based on what I know of people who have had to do this (with reluctance and sadness) to their own children. I can't imagine it's something anyone would do lightly.

Wills cause massive ructions.

Mad - I don't actually think your case is too bad - if they are much closer to the other nephews and nieces then that's life isn't it?

I think the main problem is when parents leave vastly differing amounts to their children unless there are massive extenuating circumstances like special needs or its a farm.

I think problems arise when a potential beneficiary places too much reliance on an inheritance*.

Few people have a 'right' to inherit, though I think some situations create a moral obligation for people to be provided for, eg people who have made sacrifices to care for them.

*fair enough if its a family business/farm.

Hmmm...
I am going through this ATM with my mum.
She is thinking of buying Her council house with the express intention of leaving it to my brother.
My sister and I would recieve nothing.
He has been the favoured child all my life so in a way it's not surprising but it still hurts.
I have pointed out my father would not have approved but other than that have said nothing. It's her money to with as she will.
My brother has more or less abandoned my mother since she was widowed, whereas I am there every day.
Shrug.

I never understand why people leave wills that they know are going to cause such awful trouble within a family. Why would you want your whole family to be torn apart by deliberately leaving someone out of a will or leaving unequal shares to children knowing what the fallout will be.
It is cruel and calculating when people use inheritance to have control over others using the threat of changing the will if they are upset by them for whatever reason. What a horrible legacy to leave your loved ones.

Don't know.
Mum just loves my brother most.
Twas ever thus.

We have recently discussed my mum's will and agreed (db, dsis, me, mum) that dsis - who is unmarried and childless and lives with my mum, will get a bigger share, to reflect her needs (db and I are home owners) and the fact that she is caring for my mum. We hope there will be enough from the will to buy my sister a home outright. I think it's very sensible to have this discussion while the elderly parent is still well, as there is less emotion involved. I love my siblings and wouldn't want anything to come between us.

My great grandmother's first will was a straight split between her two daughters. In her final illness the two daughters took it in turns to nurse her. The week before she died, whilst my great aunt was nursing her, my great grandmother wrote another will cutting out my grandmother. The damage that did is still not resolved. 50 years later and another generation down - things are still edgy with the cousin who now owns that house.

My FIL cut my DH out of his will. We thought it was a three way split with some cousins - and that's what FIL led us to believe. But it wasn't. We don't know why he did this. The cousins knew and realised that they wouldn't persuade the stubborn old git so quietly agreed between themselves that when the moment came they would deed of variation it. So when FIL died my DH had the unpleasant surprise that he was disinherited followed by the pleasant surprise that his cousins were so decent and kind. How we love those cousins.

I agree mini perhaps if things were discussed more before hand there would be less arguments and less misunderstanding.