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AIBU?

To ask how common it is for family siblings to fall out due to disputes over wills...

187 replies

BraveMerida · 01/01/2014 20:00

....for whatever reasons? And how long did it take for it to finally resolve?

OP posts:

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Badvoc · 03/01/2014 21:41

Sod that.
I am going to squander til the cows come home :)

Sadoldbag · 03/01/2014 21:46

peggy he likes to think there has been a intake or they don't really mean to leave him out I would imagine that when they pass and leave him nothing compared to his other siblings it will cement they really did love the others more.

To be honest we don't have much to do with them there choice to busy with the other siblings.

They live in another country and actually flew into the uk to baby sit for his sister for the weekend oh and didn't even let us know they were in the uk

We adopted a child a few months ago we Set announcement cards as yet in-laws have not even acknowledged the baby has arrived.

That's the level of favouritism we deal with

Also for Christmas in laws flew sister her oh and her 4 children out to Florida for Christmas we haven't even received a card off our in-laws despite us sending them one

minifingers · 03/01/2014 21:51

Crap, posted too soon.

The reason many of my parents generation have money to leave isn't because of years of scrimping and hard work, but because of a huge increase in property values which have resulted in their children and their children's children ending up in precarious and unaffordable housing.

I will be devastated to lose my lovely mum when it happens and if there's any money left to me it won't make me grieve any the less. But it will reduce the chance of me ending up homeless or in poverty in later life, and I'm sure that it what she would have wanted.

minifingers · 03/01/2014 21:53

Squandering money doesn't make me happy or give me satisfaction. Protecting my children does. No matter what their age or mine.

middleclassdystopia · 03/01/2014 21:54

Well if only his granddaughter visited etc what does that say?

These scenarios aren't random and isolated. Sometimes a person is alone because they've treated their children badly.

bearleftmonkeyright · 03/01/2014 22:00

Minifingers, that is true about equity left in housing with lots of equity means there can be a tidy sum left. The other thing is that if the relative has to go into a care home fees will be taken out of the estate as the house may be sold. I think the estate is reduced to £20k, so there may be little left at that point.

Badvoc · 03/01/2014 22:00

My mother - and I - would give every penny we had for 5 more minutes with my dad.
I will always help my dc if I can but it is not my responsibility to leave an inheritance....in fact I would rather them have it whilst I was alive so I could enjoy seeing them benefit.

Aloneandnowwhat · 03/01/2014 22:08

My mother left everything to my sister, apparently on the understanding that she 'see me right'. Have not seen a penny, live in rented housing struggling to save for a mortgage while sister lives mortgage free. It's incredibly hurtful to realise how little I was thought of by my mother, have a good relationship with my sister because it's not really her fault I suppose.

peggyundercrackers · 03/01/2014 22:36

minifingers its nothing to do with being noble - they worked hard for their money so THEY should enjoy it. yes its hard out there but as I said I feel im an adult so I should look after me - I don't want my folks looking after me - im very independent. when I go, if I go before my OH, I will leave nothing to my DD - I think its called character building :) I guess its just the way I see it. I understand why others see it differently but I think they ABU - im sure they would think I ABU.

don't get me wrong whilst my folks are here we do lots of things together and my folks spoil all their GCs rotten, we cant go anywhere without them buying something and are really terrible for not letting you pay for anything when we are out

Aloneandnowwhat if your sis was a better person not a greedy bugger surely she would have given you half no matter what? I think your sis has stitched you up not your mum.

Sadoldbag · 03/01/2014 22:42

I Agree I do sometimes think that it's a cop out for expel to leave one to one to "share" out why not leave it to all equally and just name them

Sometimes I wonder I people want to cause mischief or want to leave it to one but feel if they do and say oh sure it out they they won't be hated and the sibling will get the blame

Busyoldfool · 03/01/2014 23:12

We will fall out I think. My DB is very secretive and controls my DM's money.

southerngirl25599 · 04/01/2014 01:21

I can see this this happening with my family. DB and SIL fell out with my father and mother about 4 years ago, he then brought my youngest brother to court.

My DB and SIL didn't speak/visit them for about 3 years but still sent them birthday/christmas presents. Anyway my dad has tried so hard to put the family together and only started speaking to my parents, myself and my other brother, when dad about 6 months had a major operation, and subsequently died.

My mum doesn't want them to get much as they treated her horribly and we're talking big money here. I know SIL is going to get annoyed when I get all the jewellery and China which is all worth quite a lot (I'm the only daughter) but I'm going to offer some to my other SiL (my other brother's wife) as she's done heaps for my mum and dad and I could never repay her for what she's done and my two nieces will get some too.

Mum has just been put into a rest home and the house is on the market, so my two brothers and I going to pick what we want and all if my DB and SIL have the guts to show their faces they can get what they choose. All the paintings have names on the back who is getting what painting. SiL only married DB because of my family's money. Sad.

Apatite1 · 04/01/2014 03:10

I don't have a relationship with either my brother or sister (no falling out, we are just very different and live on different continents) so I'm sure inheritance will be a tricky subject. My husband will inherit nothing and my parents will not leave anything to me unless I have children. Which I'm obviously not going to do on their say so. I expect my siblings will get everything. Might be unfair, but I'm mentally prepared for it. My parents' estate is in the millions so I will miss out on a lot, but we are capable of managing on our own and I won't contest the will.

Polynomial · 04/01/2014 03:17

My neighbour told me that one of her relatives burnt her uncle's last will as soon as she heard that he had died, and had a copy of an earlier will that left everything to her - so got the lot.

I think the current system is too lax.

I think that once you have made a will it should go into a special will registry, as happens in some other countries.

Sadly, I don't think it will ever happen in England/Wales as so many MP's are lawyers. The legal system earn fees/court costs out of will disputes so it would not be in their interests to do so.

If a central will registry were to be set up, it would either be done on a shoe-string and be really crap and inefficient, or else the charges would be too excessive (as for making a POA).

AdoraBell · 04/01/2014 03:29

My father's will devided my already broken family. That was because he didn't make the changes that he Spent years telling everyone he had.

At the time it was written it was fair but by the time he died all it achieved was that the one family member who was already set up for life got everything while the vulnerable person who we'd been told would inheret got zilch.

I always knew I wouldn't Get anything and never wanted anything, but I did expect it To at léast be shared. Especialy as everyone had heard him say many, many times, what his intención was.

Aloneandnowwhat · 04/01/2014 08:08

Peggy you're probably right, easier to lay blame at the one who's not here I suppose. My other sister suffered even more, her childrens trust funds were raided and are now empty. My mother should have made sure they were protected, strangely the benefitting sister was the only one there when my mother had the will written.

DeckSwabber · 04/01/2014 09:02

Southerngirl I am in the same situation re clearing my mums stuff because we've had to sell the house while she's moved somewhere more suitable. It's traumatic for lots of reasons.

My bro has taken lots of 'valuable' stuff but he's been open about it.

LadyKooKoo · 04/01/2014 09:21

Dh and I have left everything to dd. If we outlive her then 50% goes to my niece and the other 50% is divided between his four nieces.

vipersnestling · 04/01/2014 09:39

My Granny had several pictures that had to be hidden in the attic whenever her cousin visited

DeckSwabber · 04/01/2014 09:42

I have benefited from money handed down by previous generations, and I feel I have a moral responsibility to keep at least that portion of my assets safe for the next generation. I find it odd when I see people blow it all.

I have it in mind to pass at least some of it on in my lifetime, so that they benefit from it when it will make the most difference to them.

Bertrude · 04/01/2014 10:30

It will happen in husbands family.

There's been a major falling out which involves court cases etc. between 2 daughters (mil and aunt in law). Their brother sided with aunt in law. Nan-in-law sided with mil.

Will has been changed to be 100% to mil, because nan in law said that the court case has ruined mils life, lost fil his job, and therefore they deserve it and the others nothing. This will be contested. Bt there's already no way back for the relationship.

minifingers · 04/01/2014 11:00

"minifingers its nothing to do with being noble - they worked hard for their money so THEY should enjoy it".

Ah well, that's the difference you see. My parents' adult life was miles easier than mine (they lived abroad and had servants, mum didn't work when we were children, had a comfortable home on one income - a reflection of property prices at the time they were buying). 90% of my mum's assets are the result in an increase in property prices, not a reflection of years of hard work.

"yes its hard out there but as I said I feel im an adult so I should look after me - I don't want my folks looking after me - im very independent"

Yes of course you shouldn't sit on your arse and wait for an inheritance. But there's something very self-indulgent and a bit depressing about the Saga generation frittering away loads of unearned money (which is what property equity is) while their children reap the disadvantages of the economic conditions which have transpired to make so many older people asset rich in their later years.

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Levantine · 04/01/2014 11:10

Minifingers I couldn't agree more. My dad will tell us all how is he going to spend all his money and a lot of his wealth is due to his having always owned property in London. Nothing to do with work at all. Anyway, I think it will all go on a care home in his case.

I know a family where the great grandmother left everything to her granddaughter, bypassing her daughter. When the daughter died, she too left everything to her granddaughter (my generation, ie in her 30s at the time). Not only that but she left her possessions to her step grandchildren, ie her daughters step DCs and the daughter had to buy them back from them. Everyone seemed to think that was totally fine. I thought it was really odd

Grennie · 04/01/2014 12:46

This where the difference in backgrounds really shows on MN. My FIL does have some money. Him and my Mil (now sadly dead), worked very long hours to get that money. Even when their children were tiny, MIL set up and ran her own business from home so that they could afford to furnish all the rooms in their rented house.

I would have no problem with FIL spending all hsi money, he and MIL, did earn it.

ajandjjmum · 04/01/2014 12:55

No arguments here....so far....but DM has lived with us since DF died, so she does spoil my family, especially the DC. I always make a point of telling DB what she has done, so that he knows I am being upfront.

DM wrote in her will that all of her jewellery was to be given to me, as her SIL took all of her DM's jewellery whilst DM and her sister were distraught at the loss of their Mum. She has said that she would like me to give something to certain other people, and I will do so.

Flip

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