To ask how common it is for family siblings to fall out due to disputes over wills...

[BraveMerida]

....for whatever reasons? And how long did it take for it to finally resolve?

[Rumplestinkskin]

When my great aunt died (a long time ago), the will split the cash 3 ways (my mum, her cousin and my great aunts partner), and her partner inherited the house.

My mums cousin contested the will on the basis that she was GA's sole remaining sister (she wasn't, but she had been raised as such and only found out her true parent when she was an adult) as she didn't think my mum knew. It lasted as far as the solicitor ringing my mum and being told the truth (the cousin had issues, which I can totally understand TBF).

However, she had form (she entered the house whilst GA was in hospital and took jewellery claiming it was hers, didn't contact my mum when GA was ill the year before and also when my Gran died, took a clock after the funeral as she had 'been promised it') very grabby person.

The amount of money my mum received wasn't a lot in the grand scheme of things but it was enough for my parents to put a deposit on their council house so was life changing for them whereas the cousin was much better off.

[middleclassdystopia]

It's absolute bollocks all this protesting that your estate can be left to and divided how you please. That people should just suck it up, have no right to be hurt and that the assertion of it not being about the money is invalid.

Unless there are specific and moral reasons to not divide your estate equally amongst your children (and in a normal, loving family that will have been discussed and agreed amicably) then it is absolutely wrong to favour one sibling financially or disinherit.

This is often done to hurt and manipulate even from the grave. A way to get back at people, a way for others to benefit financially. To say 'well it's my right' is a bollocks defence.

Yes your money and estate are yours to bequeth how you please. But why upon why would you hurt and divide your children without good reason? It is about money to some degree but not wholly.

Siblings when they are innocent children seek to be treated equally. If my ds gets a treat, dd wants one too. If ds gets told off he expects dd to get a row too when she is naughty. It starts from birth, a desire to be loved equally.

Adults who haven't shared equality (and this does happen) as children still feel that hurt into adulthood. The money in a will isn't wholly literal but symbolic of past hurts.

Anyone who can't see that, or thinks it's okay to tear apart families without good cause is blind and ignorant.

[BraveMerida]

While I agree in principle, i.e. split equally between children, things are often not as simple with remarriages and additional named beneficiaries such as charities and grand children. E.g. When the will states that things are to be split equally amongst the children, with DGC as additional beneficiaries of specific amounts, a child has no right IMO to contest based on his/her opinion that only the children ( i.e. not DGC, because some siblings have more children than others....unfair etc) should benefit and that DGC's share(s) should be put back into the estate to be divided.

[peggyundercrackers]

ive told all my family not to leave me anything in their will - im not interested in their money or what belongings they have. they have all been told if they leave me anything I will give it away.

if someone wants to leave all their worldly belonging to one person I don't have a problem with that at all - that's their wishes and is what they wanted its got nothing to do with anyone else what that person wants to do with their belongings once they have left this world.

people get greedy when it comes to wills and they are unreasonable. I think its really bad manners and rude to contest wills and to fight over the property of a relative/friend who has died - cant stand the greed of these people. I cant believe there are people on here who are saying they should get x, y, z... I cant write what I think of these people as it would probably get pulled.

[looknow]

MadIsTheNewNormal

No I don't fritter money. I had a house, fully paid for, my Ex beat me, police removed me and whilst living pregnant in a shelter my Ex remortgaged my house fraudently and gambled it away. He then died.

There is a huge back story to GPS favouritising my siblings, it is the way it is and has always been. I don't live with them but I care for them, cook, clean, shop and help them.

It is what it is. But please dont judge.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Peggy, so you've read this thread with stories like Badvocs and you don't get why people get upset when they're left out of wills? Golly, I'm quite surprised by that.

[peggyundercrackers]

middleclass sorry I disagree with you completely. the reason people fall out if they are left out is purely and simply because they have lost out of the money which is left. your right when you say your children are loved equally but love does not equal money even in death - the reason I have told all my family I don't want anything is because I would rather have them here with me than have the money they have as a memory - money means absolutely nothing to me, the way i see it is easy come - easy go. Ive been absolutely skint and not had a bean - I made a ton of money about 10 years ago but then lost ever single penny of it and then some but I have managed to work my way back to having a comfortable living so I really do think its easy come easy go because I know how easy it is to loose it. my life isn't rich because of money but because of the people I have in my life.

[Varya]

My sister persuaded my aunt to change her Will in my sister's favour so she got nearly £300K whilst the rest of us got peanuts. Originally the Will was in favour of my sister and me, equally. Made huge effort not to be jealous, but my sister died at the end of the same year my aunt died in and my bro in law got the large bequest. Then he got throat cancer and the way I look at it he would rather have his wife than any amount of money. End of.

[BraveMerida]

From your post peggy, i Just had a flash back of a memory with my mum when I was about 13 when she offered to give me her gold necklace couple of times. I refused to accept it because in my young mind, I didn't want her to die and accepting the necklace would somehow mean that she was saying to me she would die soon. Dmother tried a few more times and finally gave up. I got the gold necklace when she died, I was 20, and have been wearing it everyday since.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

Kewcumber I don't think I'd be phoning your brother if it was me.

[middleclassdystopia]

Of course people are more important but I see it as your last gift. And why cause hurt?

Your estate has to be left to someone. Why cause conflict?

I will leave my money equally between my children. It may help them or any grandchildren. I know my presence as mum is more important but I can't delay the inevitable i.e. death. I would rather go to my grave knowing that, as in life, I have been fair and equal to my beloved children.

[Sadoldbag]

Very very common my step sisters mum fell out with her over her brothers will


My sister then proceeded to piss the money up the wall out of 100k she has 5k left that's over the space of 4 years her mu is biter that everything her brother worked for has been spent on holidays and nights out at nobu

My sister goes often cap in hand to her mum to help with bills and things for the children

[Sadoldbag]

It's a difficult one though as a mum of two I can see why it may not be shared equally


I don't think I would be inclined to split money down the line of one of my children were a loafer say

Finding it difficult to May a go of things is difficult to just being a lazy git
And I do know a few people who are waiting for there parents to die and that's pretty much there plan for buying a house


Or I can see why you wouldn't if one of your children were a criminal however all things being equal both children settled not to wild and working I can't see what you wouldn't

my inlaws already show blatant favouritism in terms of money and time so I think when when they pass I foresee the poo hitting the fan it terms of wills

It's there money of course but it's done nothing for my oh relationship with his siblings I don't think oh anger about it all comes from jealousy rather he feels his parents love him less

[Worried3]

I am another who thinks that a person is free to leave their money/property/possessions to whomever they so wish.

I agree that the way this is done is not always fair and can lead to bad feeling or feelings of one child being loved more than another- so ideally parents should want to share their assets equally between their children, unless there is a very good reason for this not to be the case.

As someone who inherited a sizeable sum from my childless great aunt (not the only beneficiary) where my brother inherited nothing, there are situations where it isn't "morally right" to share anything you inherit with your siblings- it depends on your relationship with each other and the person from whom the inheritance originates. I think there are times when it is perfectly acceptable to stick to the letter of the will (and it's spirit). I suppose it could be argued that I take this position from self interest, but I would have said this before that situation arrived.

My brother hadn't seen her in over 10 years- they weren't close. I and my aunt (who also inherited a substantial sum) did a lot to help her out over a number of years. Not because of the inheritance, but because she was a lovely lady and she was family, so we wanted to help her. Not only that, but my brother has done a lot of awful things in the past, is irresponsible and has a lot of debts. His wife is not a lot better. My aunt had little contact with him, other than the odd begging calls (he never paid back money he promised to), and she was not impressed by the way he had treated my DM, my DGM (her sister) and myself. Therefore, she did not want to leave him money as he a) wasn't very nice to her and b) would probably waste it.

[middleclassdystopia]

'he feels his parents love him less'

That's it you see. Yes for some it's about greed but for others it's conformation of favourtism or a lack of love which has always been there.

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

bravemerdia the same thing happened to me, my DM used to offer me a bracelet and like you it felt wrong to take it, low and behold she passes away and my sister snatched took all her jewellery including that bracelet...

all very upsetting. unless you leave equally you are going to leave misery in some way or another.

[middleclassdystopia]

'unless you leave equally you are going to leave misery'

So why do it without very good reason?

[peggyundercrackers]

sadoldbag in that instance would it not make your OH want nothing to do with them rather than think money will make up of the injustice of being favoured less? to me it doesn't make sense he thinks money will make up for their favouritism, real or alleged, even if he gets the same amount as other he will still believe there was favouritism.

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

Middle

I agree...why leave that bitter legacy behind and create more cycles of doom and misery.

[Badvoc]

Tbh I don't care.
I don't want her money.
I take care of her because a) she's my mother and b) it's what my dad would want.
I know my sister has also said she thinks it unfair, but whether mum has taken that on board I have no idea.
She may never do it, of course. It may be just wishful thinking, and as I said to her, my brother may not even want to live there...he certainly never goes to see her as "it's too upsetting since dad died".

Thing is I am my mums executrix so if she decides to do anything I will know about it, it won't come as a shock iyswim?

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

coming to this a bit late. posting before reading so not to be swayed (yet)

DH's family don't talk to each other.
Grandfather left all his money to his granddaughter, she was the only one who visited him, cared about him, read to him.
Her parents have disowned her
Her aunts and uncles have challenged the will in the courts.

and thankfully she has met a lovely chap, moved to a different country and is getting on with her life.

DH and I (and PiL) are agog at the behaviour of the other family members.

[peggyundercrackers]

surely its only doom and misery if people value the money and want it(greed) - if they aren't interested in money then what money is left means nothing.

ive told my parents to spend all their money - don't leave anything - we (their children) are all adults and should be making our own way in life - not looking for money when the time comes. I always disagree with one of my friends, he always says that when the time comes he always thinks he who has the most toys/money wins - I always say no you've not won you have failed, life is about what you can give not what you can accumulate.

[Badvoc]

I don't give a toss whether she buys the house, yes it would be a good investment but it's not necessary.
I would far rather she spent the money on things that gave her happiness and contentment. She has had precious little of that since my dad died :(

[Puffinlover]

I work for a high street bank and have witnessed some shocking behaviour from relatives when someone has died. The situation really brings out the worst in some people.

[minifingers]

Peggy - very noble, but I'm aware that my children are likely to have it much harder than I will in terms of retirement, healthcare and housing, and I want to leave money, if possible, to help them after my death rather than squandering it in my later years on things that I could happily do without.

Seriously - the thought of a wh