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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you're ill, stay at home! Ranty post

140 replies

Thatisall · 31/12/2013 14:02

This will be the third xmas in a row that my dh and I have been ill. Magically dd has avoided most of our lurgi.

Last year it was my df who infected us, visiting on xmas eve in a right state saying he hadn't eaten and barely slept for three days, that the doc had been out to him, it was that bad.

We said "oh df, you should've stayed at home, we would have seen you when you're feeling better". To which he responded that he fancied getting out of the house.
Cue Christmas morning and both me and dh are soooooo poorly. I manage to make dinner but we hardly eat and then fall asleep while dd plays. We're ill for 4 days to the point where dd had to be looked after by relatives.

The year before it was my dsis bringing chicken pox into the house. I have no issue with chicken pox parties but maybe not at xmas and without prior warning. She just turned up and said, "guess what we've got the pox". DH gets shingles and dd got chicken pox for the second time.

This year dsis used my hairbrush on herself and her dc and then announced that she'd spotted a couple of headlice on them the day before! I have thick curly hair

About 10 days before Christmas we had friends visit unexpectedly, which was lovely. Then I got ill, really ill, I had the worst diarrhoea I've ever experienced. I couldn't work and had to cancel parties and planned visits. When said friends heard they said "oh yeah we've had that it's nasty, still not shifted it and we've had it for two weeks"....meaning they were ill when they came to our house! (I did think we'd gone through alot of loo roll!)
The worst part is that they went hospital visiting that week too!

Now thanks to the 'compromises to my immune system' I've picked up a second, very nasty infection.

I won't be able to take part in NYE celebrations with my family and I still haven't been able to even see all of them because I don't want them catching this awful bug. I've lost so much weight and now my hair is starting to fall out. Again...said friend said this happened to them too.

I'm not saying that you should stay in bed with every sniffle and I'm all for soldiering on, but there's a difference between that and being thoughtless.

Are you poorly?
Is it really horrid?
Do you think it might be contagious?

Yes?

Well don't go and pass it to your nearest and dearest then! Do the right thing and stay away until you're better!!

Grrrr.

OP posts:

candycoatedwaterdrops · 01/01/2014 18:39

Love Those of us who may have to take immunosuppressant drugs forever know that we cannot live in a bubble. We do take risks and hope for the best.

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 18:45

Lovebargains I have immune compromised relatives but they would not want someone to lose their job/home.

The problem lies with the system not with people desperately trying to provide for their family and keep a roof over their heads.

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 18:45

Lovebargains I have immune compromised relatives but they would not want someone to lose their job/home.

The problem lies with the system not with people desperately trying to provide for their family and keep a roof over their heads.

Lovebargains · 01/01/2014 18:48

ProudAS Maybe your relatives wouldn't, but what about those who cannot tell you like the babies in the special care baby unit? It is absolutely heartbreaking to see them and a simple cold/flu can be life threatening

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 18:49

Sorry phone playing up.

I think my relatives are in a better position to form an informed opinion than a baby.

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 18:52

Oh and one of the relatives was a premature sickly baby 50 years ago

Lovebargains · 01/01/2014 18:52

Try saying that to the parents of a baby in special baby care unit

Lovebargains · 01/01/2014 18:54

At the end of the day, do what your conscience tells you

Going to leave this discussion now

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 19:03

I work with one such parent Lovebargains (OK so his DS moved out of special care 4 years ago) and he is not prepared to risk his livelihood and home any more than other colleagues are.

Lovebargains · 01/01/2014 19:06

Just coming back to say I hope all those who are unwell get better very soon

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 19:23

Its a calculated risk the way I see it. If going into work ill was definitely going to cause another person's death but staying at home simply the loss of a day's pay then its a no brainer.

Things aren't that simple though.

Where I work people go in when ill out of necessity. We are careful about covering noses/mouths when sneezing and wiping desks down. I don't get colds any more often than I did so think its done my immune system some good which has to help people I come into contact with elsewhere.

plentyofsoap · 01/01/2014 19:53

Got my prem daughter home and clearly explained to friends not to visit if they were ill.
Friend turns up, holds her then starts coughing. It started the day before. Great. I get it and ds. I could not shift it for weeks.
Second friend arrives a couple of weeks later. After playing with baby tells me she is feeling rough and coming down with a cold. I then get it.
Amazing dd was fine, I however was not. Just what I wanted after my c section and major blood loss.
Gives me the rage.

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 19:58

Going to visit and cuddle a prem baby is different to going into an office.

IMO infection control measures should be proportional to the risks. Two people have colds - person A works in an office and going off sick could cost them their job and home, person B works on a cancer ward and will not be penalised for taking time off. I think their situations are somewhat different.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 01/01/2014 20:01

Expectations vary.

I do not expect people to visit my house or allow me to visit (without them informing me) if they've been puking the day before or if they have a chest infection. I know I cannot control this at work or in Tesco or at university or at Starbucks.

MiaowTheCat · 01/01/2014 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Noggie · 01/01/2014 20:45

My dd had birthday party yesterday- one big bro came with his mum to pick up my dd friend and announced that he had been vomiting in supermarket toilet whilst party was going on. Waiting to see if we will get the lurgie

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 20:57

That is really selfish Noggie - the mother should have left her DS in the supermarket loo whilst she picked up her DD. You can't catch norovirus by breathing same air as someone who has it but why take the chance.

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 20:57

Going to visit and cuddle a prem baby is different to going into an office.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 01/01/2014 21:06

I was at a NYE party yesterday where another parent had brought his ill, fully Calpolled up DS along. The child was ILL ffs. It was hot, with a streaming nose and eyes. DS2 'felt sorry for him' and they went to sleep on the sofa together, cuddling.

Cute. But I am awaiting that bug now.

ProudAS · 01/01/2014 21:09

Sorry about duplicate posts - phone going crazy again

SaltySeaBird · 01/01/2014 21:13

I always prefer people to cancel social engagements if they are I'll.

I'll take my germs to work though. There is only SSP where I am, and generally everywhere I've worked very much frown on you phoning in sick. You just don't.

DH is public sector, they are much more relaxed and understanding and encourage staff not to spread any nasty bugs.

plentyofsoap · 01/01/2014 21:18

I know you cannot avoid all germs its just upsetting when people do not think. My work has a strict sickness policy and I work with the general public. Staff come in clearly ill and go out to work and visit people while poorly instead of going off sick.

TheStitchWitch · 01/01/2014 21:20

YANBU we've all been poorly over christmas with this horrible cough/virus that's going round. By boxing day we we're feeling much better but still coughing.
BIL called to ask if he could come round with 18mth old DN and we told him we were all ill so probably best to stay away, but he was happy to come.
He walked in and I asked where SIL was and he said she was being sick and he and DN had been vomitting the previous day and DN still had diarrhoea sp*

We are either very lucky that we haven't come down with it yet or it's on it's way.
Bloody selfish imo.

Original poster

Thatisall · 03/01/2014 03:00

It's so interesting that the thread turned into a discussion about work/sickness records. Can I just say that my OP was specifically referring to visiting someones home or I suppose inviting them to visit yours.

OP posts:

Chottie · 03/01/2014 03:25

OP - huge sympathies to you. My SiL was coughed and sneezed all over on a flight to London just before Christmas. He got the lurgy and gave it to DD, DH and DS.

Some people with colds just do not use tissues or wash their hands and cough all over others. So very, very selfish. I did not catch the lurgy, but have spent Christmas looking after everyone else.

Regarding sickness / illness and work - I hear what everyone is saying regarding having to go into work when ill and I agree. Times are very tough and being sick is frowned upon.

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