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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you're ill, stay at home! Ranty post

140 replies

Thatisall · 31/12/2013 14:02

This will be the third xmas in a row that my dh and I have been ill. Magically dd has avoided most of our lurgi.

Last year it was my df who infected us, visiting on xmas eve in a right state saying he hadn't eaten and barely slept for three days, that the doc had been out to him, it was that bad.

We said "oh df, you should've stayed at home, we would have seen you when you're feeling better". To which he responded that he fancied getting out of the house.
Cue Christmas morning and both me and dh are soooooo poorly. I manage to make dinner but we hardly eat and then fall asleep while dd plays. We're ill for 4 days to the point where dd had to be looked after by relatives.

The year before it was my dsis bringing chicken pox into the house. I have no issue with chicken pox parties but maybe not at xmas and without prior warning. She just turned up and said, "guess what we've got the pox". DH gets shingles and dd got chicken pox for the second time.

This year dsis used my hairbrush on herself and her dc and then announced that she'd spotted a couple of headlice on them the day before! I have thick curly hair Hmm

About 10 days before Christmas we had friends visit unexpectedly, which was lovely. Then I got ill, really ill, I had the worst diarrhoea I've ever experienced. I couldn't work and had to cancel parties and planned visits. When said friends heard they said "oh yeah we've had that it's nasty, still not shifted it and we've had it for two weeks"....meaning they were ill when they came to our house! (I did think we'd gone through alot of loo roll!)
The worst part is that they went hospital visiting that week too!

Now thanks to the 'compromises to my immune system' I've picked up a second, very nasty infection.

I won't be able to take part in NYE celebrations with my family and I still haven't been able to even see all of them because I don't want them catching this awful bug. I've lost so much weight and now my hair is starting to fall out. Again...said friend said this happened to them too.

I'm not saying that you should stay in bed with every sniffle and I'm all for soldiering on, but there's a difference between that and being thoughtless.

Are you poorly?
Is it really horrid?
Do you think it might be contagious?

Yes?

Well don't go and pass it to your nearest and dearest then! Do the right thing and stay away until you're better!!

Grrrr.

OP posts:
TheRobberBride · 31/12/2013 14:41

YANBU

We had a miserable Christmas because me and both of the DCs had a nasty vomiting bug. DD2 got so dehydrated we had to go to hospital so she could get fluids.

The reason? Some twunt thought it would be a good idea to take their ill 2 year old to our toddler group Christmas party because 'he was looking forward to it'. Angry

Gives.me.the.rage.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 31/12/2013 14:50

Yanbu you poor thing! Hope you feel better soon!

MatryoshkaDoll · 31/12/2013 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McPie · 31/12/2013 15:07

Some people really are just selfish, I avoid standing near others at school pick up/drop off if I am ill and can't get them there any other way. I always make it clear why I am doing so and others do the same. Coming into someone else's house ill at any time of the year is just not on no matter how bored you are.
MIL had a cold but hid it from us by getting FIL to pick up the visiting passes and then went to visit our new born prem twins! Fast forward a couple of days and I go in all excited as we were bringing them home that day and they tell me that ds2 has a cold and has to stay in as he wasn't feeding well and struggling to breathe. Next morning we get a call saying dd was going purple when being fed, when dh phoned to tell them she slipped up and said she had a cold too and was feeling rotten Angry. It may have been years ago but I still cannot forgive the woman for being so selfish even though the kids pulled through pretty quickly but can still remember the stranger giving me tissues as I phoned dh in tears to say that they couldn't come home Sad.

pixiepotter · 31/12/2013 15:09

YABU because it is not possible to pinpoint the source of infection.You are just choosing to do so.
for example
DSis bringing chicken pox into the house. I have no issue with chicken pox parties but maybe not at xmas and without prior warning. She just turned up and said, "guess what we've got the pox". DH gets shingles and dd got chicken pox for the second time.THat is rubbish you cannot catch shingles from being exposed o chicken pox only the other way round .So the likelihood is that your DC caught chickn pox from DH or he was infected by a 3rd party.In fact the incubation period for CP is up to 3 weeks so how can you pin point the source?

ReastieYuleANBU · 31/12/2013 15:10

YANBU. This is my pet peeve that I'm always on my soap box about. Why are people now so thoughtless about these things Confused .

I hope you feel better.

pixiepotter · 31/12/2013 15:10

Illness is everywhere at this time of year and spreads mostly before people even realise they have it.

gamerchick · 31/12/2013 15:15

Sounds like you've had an eventful time. Hopefully next year will be better.

As an aside.. I have to say something that has got me in rows on 2 separate occasions.

You can't catch shingles from somebody with chicken pox.. you can however catch chicken pox from shingles. So you can blame your bloke for that one.

gamerchick · 31/12/2013 15:16

Or what's already been said Grin

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 31/12/2013 15:22

McPie - your post nearly made me cry. I would find that hard to forgive too. Glad you babies were soon home though should have been sooner!

matildamatilda · 31/12/2013 15:32

The lice is worse than anything in my opinion. She just casually mentions that she found a louse in her hair? Hello, that means going into treatment-and-quarantine mode! She sounds crazy.

JassyRadlett · 31/12/2013 15:36

But pixie, the sister shouldn't have taken the chance anyway without checking with OP. It should be OP's choice what risks to take with her family's health. It's fucking rude and thoughtless, regardless of where the infection came from. There is no way DSis is in the right.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2013 15:39

YANBU...apart from the thing about your Dad.

If he visited on Xmas Eve and you woke up the next day really ill, that sounds too fast for him to be the culprit.

rumbleinthrjungle · 31/12/2013 15:44

Agree with every word.

I'm immuno compromised, usually family warn me if there's a cold or a bug before they visit and often I then plan to stay away. Boxing day my DB, wife and dc arrive at a family do, no one mentions anything until I've kissed SiL and children and notice the toddler I'm cuddling is pale as a ghost, miserable and streaming with cold. Yes, he and SiL are ill. SiL spends most of the morning laying on the sofa, can't eat at lunchtime, twin obviously feeling miserably ill, both have thrown up by early afternoon. Other dc happy as larry now but had severe d&v during previous 2 days....

They knew damn well they were ill, came anyway and didn't even warn me once they'd arrived. I lost three working days feeling lousy while immune system was going berserk, thankfully escaped the cold and only had a mild version of the stomach bug which is still ongoing. DB moaned that they got the bug from PiL prior to Christmas who didn't warn them in advance they were all ill before they arrived with the children (Who thinks it's ok to give children d&v for Christmas day!). SiL is severely diabetic so stomach bugs for her particularly dangerous, and this was her parents!

Grrrrr with you. It's so selfish. Angry

KatieScarlett2833 · 31/12/2013 15:49

Totally with you as far as visiting, non essential trips out, etc.
Unfortunately if I accrue more than 8 days sickness absence in a rolling year it's disciplinary time.
Which is why I've been at work today with a roaring viral infection.

Lovebargains · 31/12/2013 16:22

I agree with you OP. I had a friend I would meet up with for coffee. She would regularly turn up with the most horrendous colds. I would catch them all. She gave me one which spoiled my holiday and another one which meant I couldnt visit a terminally ill friend in hospital.

I got shingles from a friend who cheerfully announced that her 2 year old had chicken pox.

I have caught endless viral infections from my nephews, my DB doesn't bother tell me his children are ill when he brings them to visit me and my DC. He has turned up and one of his DC has been lying on the floor wi a high temperature. He just gives calpol and says he will be fine. 2 days later, i have caught it and I have had to miss 3 days off work Angry

Original poster
Thatisall · 31/12/2013 16:24

McPie that is so selfish Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatisall · 31/12/2013 16:26

Worra we had all the same symptoms. Even if he wasn't the culprit and we had picked it up from elsewhere, I think it was a pretty stupid decision to visit is on Xmas Eve in that condition

OP posts:
TapirsCaperWithReindeers · 31/12/2013 16:30

I totally agree with you OP

We've got family (just down the road) with Norovirus, who are complaining because we are refusing to visit until they're better!

Apparently it doesn't matter that they've already passed it on to their dgcs! Angry

autumnsmum · 31/12/2013 16:35

I really feel for you people should be more considerate

Misspixietrix · 31/12/2013 17:54

Totally with you on this but me and DD got a few evils today from the Hospitals Parents. Dd has been ill for a while and after an A & E trip recently she was in to see her Consultant as an emergency. To everybody else they saw a child playing quitely with all the toys with a hacking cough which would get me reaching for the handgel which would get my back up ordinarily. She's actually still quite unwell and the Consultant was talking about re-admitting her. Which thankfully we managed to avoid after several rounds of tests. Your diarrhoea friends do sound a bit selfish though.

Misspixietrix · 31/12/2013 17:55

Tapirs we had Norovirus at the beginning of New Year. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

ChineseFireball · 31/12/2013 18:13

YANBU. It is so selfish of people to inflict bugs on you with no notice. I hope you feel better soon.

FudgefaceMcZ · 31/12/2013 18:24

Does your dad live alone? And you didn't know already that he'd been ill for 3 days, so apparently you aren't in touch with him regularly or visiting him, if he's close enough to just come round without planning. That seems like more of an issue than getting a couple of vomiting bugs which are impossible to trace to a single source anyway. You can't expect everyone to prioritise preventing mild physical health issues over their own mental (or indeed physical in some cases- some people don't have others to help so need to go out when ill for essential shopping/putting money on meters/etc) health. Also a couple of people have pointed out above, you seem to be a bit confused about the mechanisms of some diseases, so aren't really one to be lecturing. Try washing your hands more and not sharing your hairbrush if you can't trust friends not to have lice.

LaGuardia · 31/12/2013 18:30

The thing is, in the UK, the workplace rules for sickness absence and sick pay totally suck. People soldier on because they don't get paid to stay at home. School meals staff, for example, do not get paid for the first three days they are off sick. So who can blame them for shoving Immodium or Lemsip down their necks and dragging themselves out? Also, there is very little sympathy in this country for minor ailments, so people will keep social dates rather than be accused of ruining events. Sometimes, you just can't win.