To think that being very early is as bad as being very late...

[ButtercupsAreFlowers]

...when you're invited to someone's house? Just do not turn up 90 mins early for lunch when the house is in chaos and the food's nowhere near the oven. It's just not okay behaviour in my book - find somewhere to go until the appointed hour, fgs! Forcing myself to smile and be jolly - not easy when I just want to scream!

YANBU, I hate when people turn up early, 90 minutes early would tip me over the edge! Rope them into helping however they can, do not just let them sit there sipping tea whilst you run around like a headless chicken.

I'm always early. I wouldn't be that early though.

We have family members who do this. Once turned up at ours 2hours early for lunch, we were still out at shops buying it! They were sat in car on the drive when we got back. I hate it.

Blimey I'd probably still be in my rollers and pj's yanbu how annoying....

Yanbu. The only reason I would be that early is if that's how the buses ran or I was down that way already and not worth going home in between. However I do usually hang around in a pub or coffee shop or library or something and if that wasbt possible I would explain to the host well before hand and check it was ok/offer to help. I wouldn't just turn up.

My parents turned up at 10am on Boxing - for lunch! I just showed them the kettle, and left them to the job of entertaining the kids. It doesn't bother me, as long as they don;t expect me to drop everything to entertain them. And I'd far rather it that way round - the thought of someone turning up 2 hours late for the lunch I had cooked would have driven me insane.

YANBU. Being VERY early is worse than being late.

I don't like to be late, so am either early or on time. If I were more than 10 minutes or so early, then I would sit in the car elsewhere or look around some shops or something.

YANBU. Early, early people are the worst. Let me foster the illusion of being a serene, organised hostess by arriving at the agreed time where I will welcome you with a genuine smile. Don't surprise me by turning up when I am in the midst of wrestling food into the oven, screaming at children to get dressed/put away their toys and picking my way through the ruins of my kitchen. Then expecting drinks and conversation and asking 5 mins before lunch if there's anything you can do to help. Grrrrr.

We live in a city - there are plenty of things they could do to fill in the time while I prepare the food and my sociable face. Thing is, they are people I am happy to see - but I'm struggling even to smile at them now!

my inlaws used to do this, I'd be in the shower. .... Dh told them to stop and I think they now hang around the motorway services for a bit first!

yanbu more than 15 minutes is really rude.

I'm usually early (or stand around so I'm bang on time), I just struggle with the thought of being late (unless there's a good reason).

90 minutes is ridiculous though. YANBU.

Bil is early, all the time, for everything. He ribs me constantly about my flakiness, and lateness, and I always reply, "we are not late, we are on time. You are early". He still has it in his head though that we are always late.
Does my head in, but he isn't going to change. If we are meeting him out somewhere I make sure we are there on the dot, and when he makes some snarky comment I look at my watch and say "we agreed 3 o'clock. It's 3 o'clock now and here we are!"
If he's coming to the house I just make sure we're ready early too. Basically, when he says 12, I change it in my head to 11:30, and work on that basis.
It is just as rude as lateness in my opinion.

YANBU. Fifteen minutes is okay, thirty at a push but 90? There's no way id be dressed, the house would be a state and they'd probably interrupt the baby's disco nap.

If your meeting someone out somewhere ie a café o something then that's fine to be early they are only inconveniencing themselves but to turn up that early to someones house I wouldn't do, I would find something to do, I think ten mins early if your taking public transport is fine tho

Db did this to us at Christmas once. He really couldn't understand what he'd done wrong (there were four of them, not just him). He then did the same this year to other DB. Turned up early, before other DB had had a shower, etc. I really can't understand it. That last half-hour is us having a shower, putting on make-up, doing those last-minute things.

I wouldn't Care if family were early.

Family can turn up when they like.

Tanning, you are allowed to turn up as late as you like to my house, just not early!!

But if it's family surely it doesn't matter if the house is a mess, etc? Wouldn't they all just get stuck in? I wouldn't dream of leaving my parents sitting at a services rather than just telling them to come on when they're ready.

You are not being unreasonable, but we did this once by accident. Drove manchester to Exeter on Good Friday and it took just three and a bit hours, not the four - five we'd estimated.

Yanbu not tanning!

We went to BiL's for lunch yesterday. When he phoned at 9am on Boxing Day to ask exactly what time we were planning to arrive for a casual family lunch on Sunday (whole other thread) we said 1pm - it's an hours drive for us.

When we got there yesterday at 12.45 having fought our way through horrible traffic, they were out. Only teenage DNs were in and one of them was still in bed. Mum and dad were at the gym.

When they arrived back at 1.15 they said they hadn't rushed because they knew we would be late . We are never late. Given that the beef was already in the oven, I was a bit surprised when SiL said "lunch is at 3" .

I'm not sure when arriving at 12.45 for an appointment which we thought was at 1 but turned out to be at 3 became "late". As to the beef, that was well and truly cooked having been in the oven for about 3 hrs .

They always do this, but it never occurred to me before that 2 hours early could be regarded as late .

YANBU. More than 15 mins early is not on and is unnecessary. You can always have a scenic drive or potter in Tesco's until the appointed time if your journey was shorter than anticipated.

PIL used to do this. I was still cleaning up for their arrival in my pjs when 8 months pregnant when they arrived an hour early for a visit once. I cried my eyes out (hormonal and exhausted) and they were very sorry to have upset me. They haven't been early since.

Am so glad it's not just me and I'm not being uptight and failing to go with the flow etc etc! My mother has the kind of home where people can arrive at any point and she's quite happy - but I am just not like that. (Am reacting against, I expect.) Happy to see people, but at arranged times and not just whenever.

90 minutes early - bloody hell. I couldn't be doing with that.

You're right - too early is just as bad as too late. 5 minutes late is ideal - you build in a bit of panic time for the host, but not so much that they start thinking you're not going to show up.