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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that being very early is as bad as being very late...

82 replies

ButtercupsAreFlowers · 30/12/2013 11:12

...when you're invited to someone's house? Just do not turn up 90 mins early for lunch when the house is in chaos and the food's nowhere near the oven. It's just not okay behaviour in my book - find somewhere to go until the appointed hour, fgs! Forcing myself to smile and be jolly - not easy when I just want to scream!

OP posts:
Ullapull · 30/12/2013 16:30

Bless you OP, hope the wine soothed your rage! YANBU - I tend to be early and hate being late but by early I mean 5-10 mins and rarely if it's someone's house.

ViviPru · 30/12/2013 16:32

I love this thread.

I love
"I told them that they either slept in sleeping bags on the sofa or went home. They went home."
and
"I should have done a thread for that."
and
"I don't answer the door to people who arrive early."

Also "they... didn't have the nous to self-entertain"
Grin Grin Grin

There are some utter arses out there, aren't there.

Trills · 30/12/2013 16:33

Depends a bit on the journey. If using public transport, when someone says "come at 12", you can say "my train gets me there at 11.30 or 12.30, which would you prefer?"

I recently experienced earlyness where the visitors were more early than the amount of time it took to drive there. If they had left home at the time when they arrived, they still would have been early.

MaeveORave · 30/12/2013 16:35

Wow. Im ten minutes early sometimes and had felt awkward enough about that! 90 minutes???

PosyNarker · 30/12/2013 16:38

Well I have used 'You are early, come on in but I'm afraid we aren't quite ready. Here's the remote and the kettle is there' and then gone and had my shower etc.

I always do dinner invitations as x for x + 30 mins, which usually becomes x + 45 mins in reality. That gives an entire hour for people to turn up 15 mins either side of 'on time'. Anyone who can't manage that without a good excuse (& a call if really late) is pretty disorganised IMO.

edamsavestheday · 30/12/2013 16:44

Some great stories here. My Dad does this - I'd forgotten until the doorbell rang 30 mins early on Boxing Day, just as I was getting out of the shower. Grrrr.

Original poster
ButtercupsAreFlowers · 30/12/2013 16:46

Trills the key there is the communication and the asking which is preferred. I'd have no problem with guest asking me that question in advance, as then I'd be prepared at the right time. (And would not be yelling at kids/putting on makeup/realising I lacked a vital ingredient.) Though having said that, if I was in that guest's position and had been asked for 12 and train arrived 11.30, I'd take myself for a slow walk or similar, so that I could be there at 12. (Or 12.09, which would be my arrival time of choice in that scenario.)

OP posts:
sykadelic15 · 30/12/2013 17:01

NBU! My husbands friend was told to come over at 8pm. He arrived at 6.30pm. He does this sort of crap ALL the time. The funny part is the others were arriving earlier than 8pm so DH though he was being "smart" by telling this particular friend a later time "'cause then he'd be closer to on time"... WRONG!

I mentioned to said friend (in a round about way) that it's rude to come so early and he rolled his eyes at me... ROLLED HIS EYES! I told DH next time he arrives early he is NOT coming in. He can sit in the snow, or in his bloody car for all I care but we didn't have time for dinner, I was still in my house clothes (aka no bra...) and they didn't leave till 2am.. so I was done!

No.. definitely NBU! Late doesn't bother me, super early does. Grrr..

NuggetofPurestGreen · 30/12/2013 17:06

Who do people think they are?! Seriously the cheek of all this people!!

lizzypuffs · 30/12/2013 17:18

YANBU. Turning up so early is downright rude! 10 mins is ok. 20 I can forgive but any more than that they get a very frosty welcome.

Fairyliz · 30/12/2013 17:39

My parents do this often turn up two hours early for lunch. I wouldn't mind if they would do something or watch the tv, but they just want to talk and talk and talk.

raisah · 30/12/2013 17:42

If my family came early I wouldn't mind but the in laws & certain friends stress me out with their idea of help or no help. It just depends on the people concerned.

PocketFluff · 30/12/2013 19:15

Guests arriving even 10 minutes early throw me, that's often the time I'm going around with the hoover or have finally got a chance to brush my hair!

I'm with Hassled on this one - 5 minutes late is perfect. The host can be ready by the agreed time but then has some extra time to have a bit of a sit down and eat a biscuit.

Nectar · 31/12/2013 11:06

This thread is interesting. I normally aim to be five minutes early for arrangements, but no more than that!

I'm still confused by something that happened years ago though, I was on a five day business trip with a colleague, and each evening, we'd agree to meet on the hotel landing between our rooms at 8 am to go down to breakfast. I never once got the chance to actually wait on the landing though! By quarter to 8 every morning she was knocking on my door! I was a bit confused but let her in, so she could sit down while I finished getting ready. I was ready by about 5 to 8 each morning, although rushed around more, feeling under pressure because she was sat there!

When we got back to work the following week she was telling people she spent every morning hanging around for me as I was late EVERY day!Hmm. I was NOT late, nowhere near! I thought she was maybe bored/wanted to chat etc as she turned up early every day. At least I didn't leave her hanging around outside my door!

My dh said maybe our watches were set differently, but that wasn't the case as we'd both be rushing around trying to finish things so we could leave the office at 6 every day. We were perfectly in sync then!

I was annoyed tbh, I'm a punctual person and I really resented her running me down for no reason!

K8Middleton · 31/12/2013 12:47

I cannot stand this. I always give times as "any time after Xpm". I thought everyone knew this means "you are not welcome before Xpm"? This still doesn't stop some rude people arriving early. I just don't answer the door.

Dh has opened the door twice to early people but after the utter horror of being grabbed by pil as I tried to dash from downstairs bathroom to upstairs bedroom a few days postpartum dressed only in flimsy dressing gown, paper pants and enormous maternity pad with leaky boobs etc (I nearly divorced the fucker for that) and the mortification of having to actually push people back out of the door so that the gauntlet could be run again after birth of dc2... he's stopped doing it. Possibly because he realises a hitman would be better value than a divorce.

tak1ngchances · 31/12/2013 12:50

DH and I have constant arguments about this.

If someone invites us for dinner at 7, I think the ideal time to arrive is between 7.05 and 7.10.

DH would like to be ringing the doorbell at 6.50. When he gets his way, the hostess is invariably applying lipstick, or in a flap over the sauce or something, and says "ooooh I wasn't expecting you quite yet, sorry!!!"

Drives me mental. But he insists on doing it every. Single. Time.

whats4teamum · 31/12/2013 14:08

You are lucky that an arrival time has even been mentioned.

My MIL announced she would come for New Year's Eve then obviously got a better offer and is arriving New Year's Day at what ever time she sodding pleases. Do not know if we are providing lunch or what ever and no indication how many days she is staying.

Last time she said she would come early afternoon and arrived at half five. Another time she was invited for Sunday lunch and arrived at 2:30 after having a browse at local garden centre.

lougle · 31/12/2013 15:04

Ahh you see, my DF does this the opposite way. If he says 'dinner at two' he means 'the food will be cooked, out for serving and everyone is sitting at the table at 2pm.'

So, I always take off half an hour or an hour. If he says '2 pm dinner' I'd think 'we'll get there at 1.30'. Otherwise, we get there 'on time' to find that we have to jump into seats and serve and he's stressed that we're late.

On Christmas Day he invited my two uncles for dinner. I was stressing constantly saying 'what time is dinner?' 'Two pm.' 'OK, but what time did you tell them' Two pm Confused' 'Oh Dad!! Did you tell them two pm, or did you say 'we will be eating at two pm??'

So time can be different. I hate lateness. I think it's really rude if people turn up 30 minutes after the specified time with no explanation.

LustyBusty · 31/12/2013 15:23

for those doing dinner, if you say "dinner is at 8" I'll arrive between 7&7.30, enough time for a drink and a chat before dinner at 8. If you say "come round at 8 for dinner" I'll ring your dorrbell between 7:55-8:05. Unless I've driven 200 miles to be there (it happens) at which point I'll let you know when I'm leaving and when I'm half an hour away. I will turn up stupidly early if the traffic has been none existent because I hate loathe and despise service stations. Having said that, I'm perfectly happy to be pointed in the direction of the stove and told to "stir that"!!

Original poster
ButtercupsAreFlowers · 31/12/2013 15:36

Totally with you, tak1ngchances - about 10 mins after specified time is the right time. 10 mins before is NOT. Am still recovering from the sheer stupefaction I experienced yesterday!

Nectar your colleague sounds insane. I'm not sure I'd have let her into the room while I finished getting ready - I'd be way too grumpy and incapable of hiding it. (Just as I was incapable of being festively welcoming yesterday - I was just too cross.)

OP posts:
TaillessChicken · 31/12/2013 15:42

I'd rather they came early (by which I mean 5-10 minutes) than not at all. The last lot of people I invited here didn't turn up - no explanation whatsoever.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 31/12/2013 16:03

nectar you are far too nice! I had that with a colleague once as well. I just said loudly, through my door, I will be out at 7 as we arranged and went back to blow drying my hair!! Tough shit if they want to hang on a landing for 10 mins, their choice!

cashmiriana · 31/12/2013 16:22

My ILs came for lunch the other day - arrived bang on appointed time.

Then they later revealed they'd seen DH flying round Lidl to get some last minute things, as they had arrived an hour early and were visiting the local shops to kill time.

I did say at that point they could have called to see if it was ok to come round. As it happens, it was one of the few times we were all ready for guests ages in advance!

Original poster
ButtercupsAreFlowers · 31/12/2013 16:23

Not turning up with no explanation - v v bad. Unspeakable. Can't believe people really behave like this. My 90-mins-early people yesterday reminded me that they had once been more than 2 hours late for lunch with us, and they thought this was better. It's true - they were once that late. I had buried the memory firmly, but they resurrected it, along with the rage. I was speechless, frankly. Neither is better!

OP posts:
MarlenaGru · 31/12/2013 16:33

My inlaws do that every time. So I am frantically tidying and getting the house ready and they turn up and then interrogate me or follow me about talking at me whilst I try and sort things out. Just plain rude.

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