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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to resist going skiing?

103 replies

littleredsquirrel · 29/12/2013 19:48

DH is desperate to go. Every conversation we have had with other people (friends family etc) this Christmas has come back to it. "I want to go skiing LRS won't let us. To the extent that today when it came up for the sixth time over the past few days, this time in front of his best friend I said in frustration "can we just try to have one person we don't argue about skiing in front of?". I said it in a nice(ish) way and he responded "can you just stop being permanently stroppy?".

He is getting the kids to ask ten times a day, particularly in front of people.

He is seriously pissed off with me about the fact that we're not going and every time I try to talk about anything money related e.g. the new kitchen we are in the middle of having done, he just refuses to discuss it and says he wants to go skiing.

I hate skiing. We went two years ago because he wanted to go. It was his 40th birthday treat. The kids are very much beginners and I can ski but don't enjoy it. He went every year when he was little until he was in his twenties.

We can't afford to go. It is a ridiculously expensive holiday. We are going to Florida in October for two weeks and we can't change this. I have recently left my job to set up a new business and cashflow is an issue, whilst some months income is goo others it is non existent.

I feel like I'm dealing with a sulky teenager not an adult. We are now barely talking and I'm finding it really upsetting.

AIBU? Should we just spend money we don't really have (or have earmarked for other things)?

OP posts:

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 19:53

YANBU. I hate skiing.

My whole family have gone and DH would have loved to go but we too are going to Florida in September for 2 weeks so we couldn't afford it. (And I'm glad!)

Tell him to suck it up.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 29/12/2013 19:55

Can he not go?

You don't enjoy it, fair enough. Taking the whole family is expensive, which is also fair enough. But if he does enjoy it, why can't he go for a long weekend somewhere?

I love to snowboard. I'm bad at it, and I injure myself a lot, but I love it. DP skis, and enjoys it, but if he didn't or doesn't want to come on a particular trip, I'll go alone. As would he, if the situation was reversed. Sometimes it just happens like that because of cash flow.

Work out how much you can spare, halve it and see if he can find a late deal for that amount. Then find something for yourself when he's back.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/12/2013 19:55

Don't give in to his sulking.

You're having a fab holiday in October, why is he stamping his foot over anothet one?

You have to discuss this after the kids are in bed and have it out.

Was he supportive when you started up your business?

nitrox · 29/12/2013 19:55

I'm a snowboarder, so I can see why your husband has an itch to go to the mountains, it's addictive.

Could you compromise and find a holiday where it is near a ski resort, but had places you want to go to as well? Like Canada? Although expensive, you could suggest that it would be a long term thing, say in 2-3 years time.

Otherwise what about a lads holiday? or a ski club? I've been on a few snowboard club group holidays and had an amazing time.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 19:59

I hate sports of any kind so dressing up in ugly, expensive clothes to run the risk of Breaking a limb is my idea of hell.

Could you stick it on a credit card and he goes on his own?

Enb76 · 29/12/2013 19:59

YABU. Let him go on his own for a weekend or so. I think I'd die if I couldn't go skiing, it's the only holiday I really love. People who don't enjoy it don't really get it. Make him take the kids too, I'm taking mine this year.

edwinbear · 29/12/2013 20:01

I'm also a snowboarder and I can understand that he misses it and wants to go. We're missing it again this year for the second time in a row as much as we both love it, we have better things to do with the money. I'm also not keen on dumping 2 yr old dd and 4 yr old ds in snow nursery whilst we go off enjoy ourselves all day. However, if one of us was desperate to go, we would just go alone. I went scuba diving for a week alone this year as it works better that way. If he can find the money without taking out of household funds ear marked for other things, let him go by himself for a few days.

Ehhn · 29/12/2013 20:02

I'm a passionate skier and one of my big fears about having children was this sort of issue! If you grow up with a sport, it is very, very hard to walk away from it. Fortunately, half my family are Swiss!

Can you find a compromise? A budget location eg Eastern Europe? Or could your dh go on his own and join up with friends, staying in a budget hotel, perhaps doing drive and ski? When I was a student (5 years ago), I could go skiing for as little as £400 (to be fair, own skis/boots - but easyjet flights, cheap bus transfer, hostel or self catering for 6 nights and a ski pass and I was off). Not a holiday that is suitable for families, but your dh could go for a long weekend. He could go to somewhere with ski club of Great Britain (£50 for annual membership) and then have a ready made group of people to ski with.

Hope you find a solution!

rookietherednosedreindeer · 29/12/2013 20:05

Can't he just organise a pals long weekend. I have done that a few times with friends - away on the Friday , back on the Tuesday. As it's not school holidays, flights are cheaper, go catered to a luxury chalet with hot tub, and ski pass usually has a cheap weekend deal. We have done it all in for less than £500 pp each time.

That's compared to our family ski holiday - we are going for the first time this half term in Feb and I'm stunned how expensive it is for all of us to go. It's a really dear holiday if you don't want to go.

CMOTDibbler · 29/12/2013 20:06

Sit him down when the kids/other people aren't around and ask him how he thinks a ski holiday should be funded in the context of income/other things that need to be financed this year etc, and try to have a reasoned discussion about it.

Yes, some people love skiing, but bitching about it in front of others, and getting the kids to harp on about it is not on.

IceNoSlice · 29/12/2013 20:09

Let him go on his own or with mates.

Although the way he is constantly raising the subject sounds a bit childish, you do seem rather unwilling to consider it. Which must be frustrating.

diddl · 29/12/2013 20:16

He sounds ridiculous.

"LRS won't let us"

Perhaps next time you need to say "find the money & fuck off, then"

RenterNomad · 29/12/2013 20:26

If he can go for a weekend with a friend, on a manageable budget, will he shut up about it? It might be a small price to pay, to "re-set" all the arguments, so you can see whether he is actualy prepared to live like a family man with a certain budget, rather than a moneyed youngun or moneyed family.

Is he secretly annoyed about your business, or does this particular antsiness predate that?

NewtRipley · 29/12/2013 20:28

The fact that he's using other people to moan about this is childish and would put my back up. But it sounds like you need to have a proper discussion about it and an agreement that he doesn't bitch about you in front of others

RenterNomad · 29/12/2013 20:30

Oh, and in the meantime, you shouldn't hold back on your "frustration" : nagging you in front of everyone is horrible.

LindyHemming · 29/12/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiceBurner · 29/12/2013 20:39

YY to him going on his own .... much cheaper that way.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 29/12/2013 20:40

Oh and if he is dragging the DCs into it, depending on their age, this might be a good opportunity to point out that a) they are incredibly fortunate to have been skiing b) as a family you can't afford to do everything you want to so have to make choices so you can't afford to go skiing and to Disney this year.

Did your DH want to go to Disney ?

WorrySighWorrySigh · 29/12/2013 20:43

Perhaps you need to tell him to work out how you as a family can afford for him to go skiing and also meet all your other commitments. He has to work it all out:

travel
passes
ski hire
accommodation
spending money

Then when he has worked all that out smile sweetly and ask him now to work out how you can afford an equivalent treat for you.

You have children so I guess you have done the whole 'you have this many pennies and the toy you want costs (lots more) pennies, can you afford it?'. Sounds like he needs the same treatment 'we have none pennies and a ski pass costs lots of pennies, can we afford it?'

LindyHemming · 29/12/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 20:55

I know a lot of people are suggesting he goes away with friends...

But I've got to be honest. If my DH went away without me, leaving me to look after the DC by myself, using money we could put towards something we could all do together... I would go absolutely ballistic.

That's not being a family, that's selfish.

RudolphtheRedknowsraindear · 29/12/2013 20:56

What about a mid-week break in Scotland? Away from Aviemore, Lecht near Braemar & Glenshee near Blairgowrie can be superb when there's decent snow. Travel, lift passes & accommodation won't break the bank either! Also, there are lots of beautiful places for non-skiers to visit.

Rhubarbgarden · 29/12/2013 21:10

one of my big fears about having children was this sort of issue! If you grow up with a sport, it is very, very hard to walk away from it

But that's life when you have kids. Parents' hobbies invariably take a back seat for a few years, whatever they are, unless you are incredibly wealthy or have free childcare on tap.

I think you need to have a calm discussion about it, op. Sit down and look at your finances together, and be prepared to compromise eg he goes for a weekend on his own as others have suggested and you get a weekend off another time doing what you enjoy. Or you promise to agree to a big family ski trip in 2 or 3 years time when funds allow.

Alternatively, I'd make him realise how childish he sounds by squealing "I want a pony and it's got to be pink!" every time he whines "I want to go skiing"

WorrySighWorrySigh · 29/12/2013 21:11

But if there is no spare family money it doesnt matter if a ski trip would cost £50 or £5000. This is the concept of none.

WooWooOwl · 29/12/2013 21:15

I'd go skiing, but then there's a reason why all the stuff in our house is old.

It sounds like you could afford it, but only if you sacrifice other things that you would prefer to prioritise. Him wanting to prioritise a family activity holiday isn't wrong, it's just not the thing you want family money to be spent on.

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