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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resist going skiing?

103 replies

littleredsquirrel · 29/12/2013 19:48

DH is desperate to go. Every conversation we have had with other people (friends family etc) this Christmas has come back to it. "I want to go skiing LRS won't let us. To the extent that today when it came up for the sixth time over the past few days, this time in front of his best friend I said in frustration "can we just try to have one person we don't argue about skiing in front of?". I said it in a nice(ish) way and he responded "can you just stop being permanently stroppy?".

He is getting the kids to ask ten times a day, particularly in front of people.

He is seriously pissed off with me about the fact that we're not going and every time I try to talk about anything money related e.g. the new kitchen we are in the middle of having done, he just refuses to discuss it and says he wants to go skiing.

I hate skiing. We went two years ago because he wanted to go. It was his 40th birthday treat. The kids are very much beginners and I can ski but don't enjoy it. He went every year when he was little until he was in his twenties.

We can't afford to go. It is a ridiculously expensive holiday. We are going to Florida in October for two weeks and we can't change this. I have recently left my job to set up a new business and cashflow is an issue, whilst some months income is goo others it is non existent.

I feel like I'm dealing with a sulky teenager not an adult. We are now barely talking and I'm finding it really upsetting.

AIBU? Should we just spend money we don't really have (or have earmarked for other things)?

OP posts:
EasterHoliday · 30/12/2013 07:58

We have dh's old ski buddies coming to stay for new year and I'm about to get the same treatment in front of them... They took their children from months old and still go at least once a year in north America. Dh hasn't been for a while - last time he went without me which was fine by me, but now he wants to take the kids. In theory he could take them himself but I know they'all end up having hideous rows about boots and gloves and tired legs (yesterdays long walk was a good example of the type of thing, no concession for four year old speed and look stops). Almost worse is if they all adore it and buzz off on a ten grand holiday without me each year leaving me with lots of time and no budget for the mediteranean islands I prefer (I am reeling by the revelation that £3k is doing it on the cheap).
I also have the fear about the safety aspect (see today's papers), and mountain roads / flights without me - just thinking about them going off gives me the horrors about the lot of them being wiped out in some disaster ( need lie down...!)

FunkyBoldRibena · 30/12/2013 08:02

Next time he gets the kids to nag, call a family meeting to decide whether you cancel Florida to go or stick with current plans.

Pinkspottyegg · 30/12/2013 08:08

£3k was at half term so realistic package prices would take a family of four to over £5k and that is by no means luxurious.

conorsrockers · 30/12/2013 08:14

Can he not go and take the kids with him if they enjoyed it? I love skiing, as do my boys, but DH hates it. We go on our own .... Problem solved. Why does he have to keep asking you? Why does he not just book it up? Surely he doesn't expect you to go - but you are not stopping him going, and I'm assuming you would not cause a problem if the kids wanted to go? It is addictive and clearly something he really wants to do - tell him to stop whining and get on with it. It doesn't need to be that expensive ....

conorsrockers · 30/12/2013 08:17

I go for a week - Alps, me and 3 kids for less than 2k. We sleep in bunk beds in a chalet, breakfast and dinner is provided.

Pinkspottyegg · 30/12/2013 08:23

££££££ sorry but saying it doesn't need to be that expensive when the OP says they have no money is missing the point.
If money was no object then yes by all means jet off with the kids and stick them into very expensive (coz nowhere is cheap) child care so you can get your fix of skiing. But let's be realistic, he needs OP to go too so when the kids can't keep up with him she can look after the kids.
It's not like the kids nor the family are being deprived if they are going on holiday to Florida. Can only assume that he was fine with this when it was booked but if he err ally didn't want to go then an adult discussion should have taken place then too. Am also presuming that OP didn't just chuck her job in on a whim to start her own business and some sort of discussion took place about that. But at the moment her DH is refusing to discuss anything else but skiing in front of others which is selfish.

arfishy · 30/12/2013 08:26

I love ski-ing and one of the things I miss about the UK is the ability to ski in Europe (Australian ski-ing is the worst experience you can possibly imagine). Having said that, you're getting a new kitchen and a family holiday to Florida, so in terms of family expenditure/big treats I think you've done well this year. He is being unreasonable about the ski-ing in light of this (unless he thinks the kitchen is your "treat" and that he deserves something for him Hmm).

Why don't you suggest a trip next year? Would you be able to find somewhere family friendly like a Club Med that will suit the DCs better and is a better combination of snow & fun? I looked into some amazing looking North American ski-resorts when the DSSes were a bit younger - really great facilities for younger children which weren't all about the snow and had plenty to keep them occupied.

trixymalixy · 30/12/2013 09:45

Are people deliberately missing the part where the OP says they have he money but it's earmarked for other things ? Hmm

I guess the question here is how much adult discussion there has been about what their money is spent on. From the sounds of it the OP is refusing to discuss anything other than her plans for the money, which is pretty selfish and controlling.

Chocovore · 30/12/2013 10:03

Think you have left it too late to fine something non extortionate in school holidays for this season anyway. Why don't you look into it for next year?

paxtecum · 30/12/2013 10:07

YABU. let him go with his mates.

He will enjoy far more on his own. He won't have a miserable wife with him.

flipchart · 30/12/2013 10:19

Going skiing, even at half term, can be cheaper than going to Florida.

I never book a package holiday, always hire ski and snowboard stuff in advance, don't take EasyJet. They were £1,800 more expensive for a flight for4 of us last year. We played around with timetables, airlines and locations and saved that amount.

I never use a hotel but get an apartment.

Plan wisely and it can be cheaper than you think!

paxtecum · 30/12/2013 10:34

Flip: I think though that OP really doesn't want to go, as she hated it last time she went.

Even if it was free she wouldn't want to go.

Just let DH go on his own.

Beechview · 30/12/2013 10:41

Its obviously something your dh really, really wants to do. Its something he grew up with and has a huge desire for it. I think he's being a bit of a prat by bringing it up in front of all and sundry but its sad he cant go if he really wants to.
Life is too short. Find a a cheap deal or let him go with friends.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/12/2013 10:42

Taking 4 people during school holidays will break the bank, even if you go for relatively modest accommodation. It's just very, very expensive and there are lots of extras that cannot be avoided. I'd guess you won't get much change out of £5k. However, if DH were to travel with a friend and share a twin room with him that could work out considerably cheaper. If he travels late January or early March he could have a wonderful holiday for just a few hundred pounds. Now if that is unaffordable for you then fine don't let him go this year but it doesn't really sound as though you are truly skint given you're going to Florida...

Wuxiapian · 30/12/2013 10:46

Can he not go alone?!

Wuxiapian · 30/12/2013 10:46

Can he not go alone?!

Wuxiapian · 30/12/2013 10:46

Can he not go alone?!

flipchart · 30/12/2013 10:50

ghoul you haven't read my post have you.

No way do you have to spend 5k on half term skiing for a family in Europe. I certainly don't and board and some great places. Florida can be way more expensive IMO.

If he wants bad enough and look at trimming costs on the Florida holiday and have a ( relatively) cheap ski break.

trixymalixy · 30/12/2013 10:55

Ghoul, we're going in the February half term for just over £3k with full wraparound child care, full board, ski hire, ski lessons the works. If we had flown from London and not used childcare, gone self catering,driven, gone to Bulgaria we could have done it for vastly less. We had priced up several budget options for it.

It probably is too late for next year's half term to get a good deal unless you waited until the week before and tried to get a last minute deal.

skittycat · 30/12/2013 11:05

Your partner sounds like he's having a snide tantrum about wanting to do something and not being 'allowed' to.

If money has already been earmarked for other things, then in my opinion it should stay earmarked. Presumably he agreed to the money being used this way and it seems unfair that he would now declare he wants to go skiing more and wants the money spent on that instead.

If he wants to go skiing, then he needs to save up using money that hasnt already been earmarked for something else. I would be really annoyed with my other half if we'd saved up for a new kitchen and then he decided that he wanted to spend all of the money on a holiday that he would enjoy knowing full well i wouldn't enjoy it that much. And then he proceeded to have a hissy fit about it.

Oh, and tell him to go on his own if you're not that fussed about it if he manages to find the money for it.

justtoomessy · 30/12/2013 11:17

I am going skiing in Jan but really wish I hadn't booked it. I had expected to save up enough cash but just haven't managed it and due to flights out to see friend in Canada I can't cancel. It is all going on credit card. I am dreading having to work the extra shifts to pay it off!

rubybleu · 30/12/2013 11:21

Tell your DH to go by himself in January. It's the cheapest part of the season and he'll pick up a good deal booking a few days beforehand.

I ski and I think that if it's really important to him, find a way to do it. He shouldn't be moaning about it in front of family and friends though.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/12/2013 11:29

OK - £5k is including childcare, lessons and a catered chalet so you probably could get it for a bit less if you go self catering and don't need childcare or lesson and don't mind staying a bit away from the ski lift. Also I've really been looking at France which may be a bit more expensive than other places. A lot of the costs are pretty fixed though especially if includes young children who can't ski. It's still a heck of a lot more than 2 adults going on same holiday out of peak times (if OP's DH were to go with a friend).

dontcallmemam · 30/12/2013 11:49

IME skiing is never cheap. Even on a budget airline the lift pass, ski hire, mountain drinks & even supermarket food is very pricey.
It's a big dent in the holiday budget. If the op isn't a keen skier I can see why she's loathe to go.
Much better that DH goes out of peak times with a mate.

IceNoSlice · 30/12/2013 12:12

Sigh. I really want to go skiing. So does DH. We were invited on a week with a lovely lovely group of friends (all with DCs close of our DS's age). The same week as my due date.

This thread is not helping! The feeling when you set off on the first run...

Oh well, we have a kitchen to save up for!