Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to resist going skiing?

103 replies

littleredsquirrel · 29/12/2013 19:48

DH is desperate to go. Every conversation we have had with other people (friends family etc) this Christmas has come back to it. "I want to go skiing LRS won't let us. To the extent that today when it came up for the sixth time over the past few days, this time in front of his best friend I said in frustration "can we just try to have one person we don't argue about skiing in front of?". I said it in a nice(ish) way and he responded "can you just stop being permanently stroppy?".

He is getting the kids to ask ten times a day, particularly in front of people.

He is seriously pissed off with me about the fact that we're not going and every time I try to talk about anything money related e.g. the new kitchen we are in the middle of having done, he just refuses to discuss it and says he wants to go skiing.

I hate skiing. We went two years ago because he wanted to go. It was his 40th birthday treat. The kids are very much beginners and I can ski but don't enjoy it. He went every year when he was little until he was in his twenties.

We can't afford to go. It is a ridiculously expensive holiday. We are going to Florida in October for two weeks and we can't change this. I have recently left my job to set up a new business and cashflow is an issue, whilst some months income is goo others it is non existent.

I feel like I'm dealing with a sulky teenager not an adult. We are now barely talking and I'm finding it really upsetting.

AIBU? Should we just spend money we don't really have (or have earmarked for other things)?

OP posts:

trixymalixy · 29/12/2013 21:17

So curiousgeorge the OP's DH is never ever again to get to do the sport he loves? That seems more selfish to me as her DH would obviously prefer for them all to go. There needs to be some compromise somewhere, and if the OP won't contemplate going then surely her DH should be allowed to go on his own or just take the kids assuming he can sort out the money for it.

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 21:27

Trixy - I love watching movies, and drinking with my friends, and swimming, and having a full head of highlights that takes about 5 hours.

I can't so these things because I have kids and rather than spend £150 on my hair and waste a day, I live with slightly more boring hair and we all have a day out.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 22:12

curiousgeorgie so being a " family" means you surrender all independent interests forever.

I accept there might not be the money for it but if there is or if it could be saved for or stuck on a card why can't it be done? It means a lot to one of them and nothing to the other.

As for leaving the OP all on her own- yes for a week at most; plenty of single parents/bereaved parents/army wives/long distance lorry drivers wives/oil workers wives etc,etc cope.

maddy68 · 29/12/2013 22:12

I thought I would hate skiing and reluctantly agreed to go last year. It was the best holiday i have ever had. If you don't like the skiing there is loads of other things to do I the most beautiful surroundings. I would say go and try it. I'm a total convert and a crap skier

RedHelenB · 29/12/2013 22:12

Yes but dh & kids would rather go skiing than have a new kitchen I bet!

trixymalixy · 29/12/2013 22:13

But they're going to Florida for 2 weeks, they're clearly not on the breadline. Skiing is a wonderful family holiday, it can be done very cheaply. It's only the OP that doesn't want to go. The kids want to, her DH wants to. Seems pretty selfish to me that the OPs wants take precedence over the rest of the family's. Compromise is the fairest way to deal with this.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 22:15

And Trixy sorry I grant you £150 haircuts might be unaffordable but the other things you can't do because you have children are just martyrdom.

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 22:17

I'm also going to Florida for 2 weeks, and we had the opportunity to go skiing on a holiday that started today, in fact.

Just because we can afford Florida doesn't mean we can afford both.

And skiing is not cheap.

My DH would've loved to go, but chose family over selfish interests.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 22:18

Oh sorry Trixy it is Curiousgeorgie who is being the martyr

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 22:19

Caitlin I think you meant me, not trixy.

And it's not martyrdom, I can't always do those things because I'm part of a family. My DH works long hours and our time together and the money we have for it is precious.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 22:21

Yes georgie I did mean you. I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 29/12/2013 22:25

Well I have been on ski weekends without my DC or my DH along with some other equally selfish friends.
My DH also enjoys going on driving and walking weekends without me.

Agree that if family finances do not stretch to this and a family holiday, then family holiday takes precedence, but really I cannot see what is so intrinsically dreadful about wanting to do an activity that I really really enjoy.

Oh and I notice as I get older (43) skiing is harder. It's not something you can do forever.

OP's DH is being a bit of a baby bringing this up in public, but some compromise should be reachable. Oh btw we did the day in Cairngorms last year - never again ! Much better from my point of view to pay for flights and get better weather and visibility - skiing in Scotland not cheap either.

trixymalixy · 29/12/2013 22:25

But the OP is selfishly choosing a kitchen/bathroom whatever over her family's interests? Why should her DH and her kids get no say because she doesn't want to ski? I hate camping, my DH loves it, we compromise by doing a holiday of his choice then a holiday of mine.

I'm a skier, I know exactly how cheaply a ski holiday can be done for and believe me it's a lot less than a trip to Florida, particularly if you go to somewhere like Bulgaria.

I don't think many people would be able to afford to do both in the one year, but the OP is saying never again.

nauticant · 29/12/2013 22:29

I utterly love skiing and it makes me sad to think that I've had to give up because of a skiing related injury.

Forcing anyone to go skiing who doesn't want to is the mark of a grade A arsehole. You need a snappy one sentence response to use every time you're facing him moaning about him not getting his own way. Something like "I don't want to go, why are you being an arsehole over this?" Repeat endlessly.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 22:30

rookie and Trixy this thread will go nowhere. I'm with you being a "family" doesn't mean you have to give up your own interests; others think differently. I'm glad my old man agrees with me and finances permit.

oscarwilde · 29/12/2013 22:31

Tell him and the kids to enjoy it, you'll be staying home to supervise the builders.

SanityClause · 29/12/2013 22:33

We know a family where the mother takes the three children skiing with her, and they leave the father behind, because he doesn't like skiing. They go on other holidays as a family.

However, if the OP's family really can't afford to go, it seems unfair that her DH is blaming her, in front of other people for being the reason they can't go. That is disloyal, IMO

gallicgirl · 29/12/2013 22:34

Send him away with his mates for a long weekend and you get to go to a spa or similar later. Easyjet flight to Geneva and train to resort needn't cost too much.

fay144 · 29/12/2013 22:35

I am a bit shocked that anyone thinks that they can't go swimming for an hour or two, or go and watch a film just because they have children (unless they are a single parent, or their DH is actually incapable of caring for his children due to illness etc). Surely being part of a family doesn't mean spending all your free time together? It's important for kids to have time alone with each parent too?

If they had the money, I don't think it would be unreasonable for the OP's DH to have a weekend away. If he has limited work holidays though, I think a week might be a bit much. Though saying that, my DH just talked me into signing up for a week long hobby trip, that will require him either tagging along and not participating, or staying at home doing childcare. I hesitated, as it's a long time to be away. He said go for it, since it's a bit of a one off opportunity, and I might regret missing it.

If the OP's DH can't afford it, then I think it would be fair enough for him to expect to go next year, or the year after.

trixymalixy · 29/12/2013 22:37

Totally agree about Scottish skiing Rookie. I live in Glasgow and last time I went skiing in Scotland it was utterly dreadful and I gave up at lunchtime.

Plenty of people go on ski holidays, but don't ski. There's always other stuff to do. No one is forcing the OP to ski again. The skiers could ski in the morning (normally enough for me tbh), then do a family outing in the afternoon e.g. husky driving, sledging, ice skating, swimming those things and more are usually on offer in a ski resort.

nauticant · 29/12/2013 22:37

Oh, and by the way, I went on a skiing holiday (it had already been booked) with friends after developing my injury and had 10 days of being forced to make myself available to be doing all the ski stuff without actually skiing, for example, getting up to the top of mountains where the skiers were having lunch. That was a friendship-destroying holiday.

fay144 · 29/12/2013 22:43

Off topic... but noooooo, Scottish skiing is awesome!!!! Not something you can book in advance really, and you need to read the ski reports with a bit of cynicism. But when it's good, it is amazing (as long as it's mid-week, and half of Glasgow don't turn up ). When it's bad it's awful, but you just need to pick your day really.

BranchingOut · 29/12/2013 22:48

If he is desperate to go, then maybe he could go by himself but on a very tight budget eg.

Bulgaria
Cheap flight
Stay in a hostel
Borrow boots or skis

If you cannot afford for him to do this, then maybe he can think of some ways to raise the cash eg, selling something on eBay?

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 22:48

Surely a kitchen / bathroom is more for the whole family's benefit that her DH going on a ski holiday alone?

Tell him to go on a day out to Milton Keynes

trixymalixy · 29/12/2013 22:55

I guess it depends on how functional the kitchen/bathroom is. My lounge was perfectly functional before we redid it just before Xmas, it just wasn't to my personal taste. The kids could not have cared less in fact they would have preferred we didn't replace the tartan carpet . I suspect if they'd had the choice on whether to spend the money on a skiing holiday or a new lounge they'd have chosen the former. Kids don't care about decor.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5