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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Black tie house party in normal suit..

106 replies

jjazz · 29/12/2013 15:59

We are off to a black tie do at someones house tonight. My husband does not possess a dinner jacket etc so will be wearing a smart suit tie white shirt etc. We both hate dressing up so refuse to hire or borrow never mind buy new stuff for a one off evening. How unreasonable are we being?

OP posts:
HoratiaDrelincourt · 29/12/2013 16:00

Suit and shirt, fine. Could he really not rustle up a bow tie?

Musicaltheatremum · 29/12/2013 16:02

YANBU fine if you have one but agree if at someone's house you shouldn't need to hire/buy one. Ridiculous. My SIL used to have these ultra posh "dinner parties" I hated them. All pretentious people. I prefer to have friends round to supper in their jeans. Then it doesn't matter when you spill the wine. Hic!

scaevola · 29/12/2013 16:03

Not unreasonable at all.

Even in more formal times, dark suit was always an acceptable alternative for those who didn't run to a dinner jacket.

Original poster
jjazz · 29/12/2013 16:05

Musicaltheatremum love your style. I'd invite you over
anytime.x

OP posts:
MrsDavidBowie · 29/12/2013 16:11

How wanky.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 16:25

I wouldn't do it but I love dressing up and OH has a very nice dinner suit which he likes wearing. I had a millennium party at home and it was strictly black tie. I'd have been very annoyed if someone had turned up in an ordinary suit.

Mikkii · 29/12/2013 16:27

I agree with not splashing out on a suit, but could you run to £3 for a bow tie? I bought one last week in Asda.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 16:33

Up to you of course but if the invitation specified black tie and everyone else is you will feel a bit odd. I can see where the party givers are coming from, it's nice to get dressed up.

Mind you I hate jeans,I think they look horrible on anyone who isn't under 25 and less than a size 10.

ComposHat · 29/12/2013 16:37

Firstly I agree what a load of pretentious tosh. Normal tie and shirt is fine.

Would avoid wearing a bow tie with a lounge suit and a normal shirt without a winged collar looks odd.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 16:38

Musicaltheatremum actually I find it pretentious when people come over with the" it's so wanky and snobbish to care about clothes" routine. Treat it as fancy dress if you want,you don't have to do it but it's the host's choice.

scaevola · 29/12/2013 16:44

It would be wrong to accept a Black Tie invitation if you think the dress code is wrong. It would be wrng to make no effort to meet it.

But if you cannot afford to hire, then dark suit is always an acceptable alternative. Your hosts would be wrong to pass comment, and sneering at the less well-off is as unpleasant when it's a case of inablility to afford the hire cost as it is for any other bill.

catsoup · 29/12/2013 16:46

Nothing wrong with wanting to get dressed up but if the host thinks your DH odd for not wearing a bow tie then that's their problem. I bet he wouldn't be the only one not wearing one.

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2013 16:47

Their party, their rules. If you don't like it, stay at home.

But if you insist on going, your DH will look odd. And presumably so will you, if you're also making a stand by wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

It's up to you whether you can cope all night with being rugged individuals.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2013 16:48

If you're hosts have good manners they will absolutely not do anything to make your husband feel bad about wearing an ordinary suit.

Only people with bad manners make others feel uncomfortable.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2013 16:49

your hosts!

Not "you're" Blush

(Before a bad mannered person points that outWink)

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2013 16:51

Where does the OP say she is going to wear jeans limited Confused

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 16:52

OP has said they hate dressing up and have refused to even consider hiring or borrowing. There's no mention of being able or unable to afford it. They want to accept the invitation but ignore the bit they don't like. So on reflection I think she is being unreasonable.

MyPrettyToes · 29/12/2013 17:00

Agree with every word Caitlin17 says. Just because it is not your cup of tea, it does not make it 'wanky'.

Our family tend to have quite formal functions. I love it. My friends are always angling for an invite. I have been to very informal dinners and I have never thought to call the hosts names or think negatively of them. Maybe because I am not 'wanky'.

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2013 17:05

I'm extrapolating from where she says she and DH hate dressing up. Saying that suggests that she's being childish.

I happen to like wearing jeans. I wear them all the time to some very smart places.

But if it was a black tie I'd wear a cocktail dress or trousers out of respect for my hosts and also because it's been a long time since I was a tiresomely rebellious teen.

DH wouldn't wear a lounge suit though he might wear this type of tie which I don't particularly like but it's an acceptable look and it's a dinner suit, not a lounge suit

Some things aren't all about you.

formerbabe · 29/12/2013 17:08

I can't imagine having guests at my house in black tie... Is it like a stately home? It would look especially daft in a semi!

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2013 17:09

Only people with bad manners make others feel uncomfortable.

And sometimes people with bad manners stick two fingers up at their hosts

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2013 17:12

But I don't read the OP like that limited.

I read it as the poster saying simply that her husband doesn't own a dinner jacket so he's going to wear an ordinary suit instead.

Which, as scaveola points out is still considered acceptable surely?

galletti · 29/12/2013 17:13

Wow - bit harsh Limited! And you have no idea what the OP will be wearing - she could quite possibly be wearing a 'cocktail dress or trousers', just ones that she didn't specifically buy for the evening.

And her dh is wearing a smart suit and tie - don't know where you got the idea they will look like 'rugged individuals'

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2013 17:13

And I'm not getting drawn into debating the merits of black-tie dinners in people's homes.

galletti · 29/12/2013 17:14

I'm with your reading of it Salmontrutta.