Black tie house party in normal suit..

[jjazz]

We are off to a black tie do at someones house tonight. My husband does not possess a dinner jacket etc so will be wearing a smart suit tie white shirt etc. We both hate dressing up so refuse to hire or borrow never mind buy new stuff for a one off evening. How unreasonable are we being?

It's pretty easy to look it up what with the internet and a basic respect for the hosts who'll be paying for your beer and pork scratchings.
Abominable snobbery.

What are Goldsign jeans?

Should I go for them?

Do they flatter the ageing bottom?

I do go to the gym.

It's bad manners to criticise what someone is wearing

It's bad manners to accept a party invitation and not conform to the dress code

We British are very keen on good manners.

So turn up in black tie and noone will think you're a twat.

Your aim is to get through life without people thinking you're an ill mannered twat.

Yes, Dawndonnaagain I am the abominable snobwoman

They are ridiculously expensive but fit like a dream, don't sag, fade...they just stay the same.

And you can wear them every day.

I think if the invitation specifies a dress code then you should follow it or not go.

It rather depends on whether it's ironic black tie, or proper black tie. If I invited friends to dinner and specified black tie, I expect half of them would turn up in a black tie and nothing else (well, depending on the weather, of course!), or a black tie and jeans, or as close to formal black tie as they could get without spending silly money - treating it a bit like fancy dress. We've done that sort of thing before for NYE parties, or murder mysteries etc. You know what I mean :)

If, on the other hand, it was 'proper posh', then I think we'd all go hire something for the night - can't say I've ever been invited to a really formal do - but if I were, I'd relish the opportunity to dress up and do it as correctly as possible. Having said that, a dark lounge suit should always be acceptable at a formal black tie event, and for a host or other guest to comment on it would be very bad manners.

YABVU. If you don't want to wear black tie, don't accept an invitation to a black tie event. Pretty simple really.

What's a lounge suit?

Something a man would wear to an interview, work or a court hearing heartbroken73

Just whenever he wanted to look smart.

OP
FWIW if an invite like that is from people you know EXTREMELY well (family) then you can flex the code
anything else its easier to comply
for the simple reason that then the conversation will not start on the topic of your outfit

Jesus christ it's an evening of entertainment not to meet the queen! Cut the OP some slack

I don't think I've ever been to a black tie do. How shaming, or possibly not.

I am 50 and wear jeans, btw.

I love black tie dos, I love dressing up and every man looks good in black tie.

We have not been told if it's dressing up or proper serious black tie, nor why OP'S husband wants to go but doesn't want to follow the dress code other than he can't really be bothered.

To be honest all of you calling the hosts pretentious are a bit rude- why not have a dressed up party if they want.

every man looks good in black tie - not true, at a push you could say most men look better, a fat, middle aged man in a DJ still looks like a fat, middle aged man.

MI

about never going to a black tie do I mean. Not that you wear jeans.

Clary, I can't imagine going to one. I'm just not the type.

If the invite says black tie you either go in a black tie or decline the invite. Their party their rules, if you don't like it don't go.

I guarantee the hosts will be offended if your DH arrives in a lounge suit and tie, even if they say "it's fine" to your face. They'll have put effort into the party, surely you should put effort in too. As mentioned above, a bow tie costs nothing and with a dark suit will be passable in dark rooms

Overly formal dress codes are a sure sign that the host is a bit new money or has pretensions in that direction. Think Victoria Beckham or Hyacinth Bucket.

Manners are a two-way street between host and guest.

It's popular here but I wouldn’t take refuge in the defence that you can do anything you want and it's rude for your hosts to demur.

That's arrogant and ignorant.

They might not say anything, but they’re thinking it, and sometimes they're right.

Overly formal dress codes are a sure sign that the host is a bit new money or has pretensions in that direction
I have to disagree
there are situations where the uniformity actually leads to an improved event
many 'old money' parties are instinctively in the older dress codes because then the menus and systems work better

as I said, unless it was a family event and I exactly knew the boundaries
I'd not discomfort all others present by ignoring

Oh dear, this sounds like the sort of pretentious party that my friend would throw so she can show everyone how upper class she is (she's not at all) then shed slag off people who didn't measure up.

Of my friends that really are black tie types, they'd just be thrilled to have you there whatever you wore.

If it would make your DP feel more comfortable, he can wear a bow tie. If he's not the sort who would be bothered at all, then a normal suit is fine.

If your host makes a big thing of it then she is not very nice and an ill-mannered person with delusions of grandeur.

Have a lovely evening.

Talkin I am genuinely intrigued as to how a menu could work better with a bow tie; please, help me out

If your host makes a big thing of it then she is not very nice and an ill-mannered person with delusions of grandeur

Bingo

Oh I doubt very much any host will make anything of it other than to possibly wonder why?