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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Black tie house party in normal suit..

106 replies

jjazz · 29/12/2013 15:59

We are off to a black tie do at someones house tonight. My husband does not possess a dinner jacket etc so will be wearing a smart suit tie white shirt etc. We both hate dressing up so refuse to hire or borrow never mind buy new stuff for a one off evening. How unreasonable are we being?

OP posts:
Joysmum · 29/12/2013 17:17

...and you didn't think it would be good manners to contact your host BEFORE THE NIGHT OF THE PARTY to find out?

Plain rude!

LaGuardia · 29/12/2013 17:19

If the house party is at a stately home or the like, then the OP and DH are going to stick out like sore thumbs. I understand some people do like to make a statement and not tow the line. However, I prefer to follow the dress code.

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2013 17:19

She's asking if she's being unreasonable if her husband ignores the dress code because they hate dressing up and refuse to conform.

They can do what they like. But he will look odd and possibly wanky in a Dave Spart class warrior kind of way, which is how I read the OP.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2013 17:20

Or maybe they thought it was okay joysmum then someone said something so now they aren't sure?

ComposHat · 29/12/2013 17:21

It isn't rudeness to turn up to a formal event in a lounge suit. It isn't as if the poster's husbsnd is is being provocatively underdressed or seekimg to mske a ppint by turning up in a onesie. He is acknowledged that it is a formal event and will dress formerly.

CustardOmlet · 29/12/2013 17:21

As long as you look smart and have clearly made an effort to be presentable, then you will be fine. What does black tie mean these days anyway? Surely modern fashion does not expect top hat and tails?

formerbabe · 29/12/2013 17:22

If you

CustardOmlet · 29/12/2013 17:23

And at 27yrs old and a size 12, I will have to clear out my denim collection, hate to be a fashion faux par!

formerbabe · 29/12/2013 17:24

Oops

If you don't have a dinner jacket, then wearing a lounge suit is the next best thing. Only a complete cock would mention it on the night.

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2013 17:25

Surely modern fashion does not expect top hat and tails?

That would be white tie or morning dress.

It's pretty easy to look it up what with the internet and a basic respect for the hosts who'll be paying for your beer and pork scratchings.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/12/2013 17:25

It would be exceptionally rude of the hosts to make anything of it. Likely they will actually feel a bit ashamed they misjudged - no-one deliberately sets out to write an invitation that'd make people feel ill at ease.

If they do, they're wankers, of course - but probably they just didn't think.

galletti · 29/12/2013 17:26

Don't see the word ignore in there Limited. She's asking how unreasonable she's being. Perhaps it may have been an idea to speak to the hosts earlier to explain that your dh doesn't own black tie, and would a suit be ok. I think most reasonable people would be fine with that. I would be.

And Limited, you have NO idea how her husband will look!

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2013 17:27

But I can guess galletti.

And I'd never mention it.

But I would notice.

toobreathless · 29/12/2013 17:31

pretentious nonsense from some classless hosts.

A dark suit is fine.

beals692 · 29/12/2013 17:31

I'm just intrigued to know what kind of house and what kind of house party! A house party to me means a casual, bring-a-few-beers type affair at someone's semi/terrace. Is it a grand house? Is black tie a fancy dress theme or do you have very posh friends?

MerryChristmasMollyHooper · 29/12/2013 17:33

Yes dressing up is fun every once in a while, nothing wrong with wanting things to be special.

If you were my friends however, I would rather you come as you than not come at all.

People make a party, not bow ties.

Joysmum · 29/12/2013 17:34

Of course it would have been an idea to check with the hosts beforehand!

I don't do formal, hell I don't even do makeup! What I do do is respect the wishes of anyone who is good enough to go to the time and expense of throwing a party. If I didn't have what was needed (fancy dress being an example) or didn't want to dress up, I'd not bitch about what sort party it is but would check out what was acceptable and not go if I couldn't be arsed/didn't want to/couldn't for whatever reason conform.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 17:42

The hosts will of course never know if you accepted the invitation and ignored the dress code because you can't afford it or you can't be bothered. Deliberately flouting a dress code because you simply can't be bothered or you want to make some sort of statement is rude.

For those of you who think the hosts are pretentious tossers it is their house, their party the OP could simply decline.

Original poster
jjazz · 29/12/2013 17:44

I will be in a dress. Bit if sparkle nothing Ott

OP posts:
MrsDavidBowie · 29/12/2013 17:49

Ironically we have just had a text from friends who are doing a dinner party on NYE.
Just been told it's black tie Shock

I do not possess a dress, dh does not have a dj.
I don't think he even has a suit.

This will be interesting.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 17:49

Re "house party" I've attended over the years parties in houses with this sort of code on a social basis but where there is also a professional connection and people who don't all know each other. Not following the code would have been very out of place.

galletti · 29/12/2013 17:51

Exactly Limited - you are guessing. OP has said her husband is wearing a smart suit. She is wearing a dress. Lovely. I hope you both enjoy your evening OP.

toobreathless · 29/12/2013 17:52

Slightly at odds with joysmum - you sound a much nicer guest than me!

I could do black tie & even smarter & do so every few months (mainly for DHs work) but there is no way I am getting all dolled up for an event at someone's house just because the host thinks black tie would be nice. I would be dressed smartly for a dinner party anyway & wouldn't make any extra effort.

MrsDavidBowie · 29/12/2013 17:53

I'm assuming OP's house prty is more mates getting together on NYE , than a networking do.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 17:53

MrsDavidBowie take a cue from your username and go wild. Seriously any vintage (aka second hand) shops near you? They always have dinner suits.