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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I? Holiday related. Long. Probably.

81 replies

Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:43

I have n/c. Ex-SIL you're a cow and I hope you enjoy stalking me all over mn.

I hope some of you will recognise me.

My ex wants to take the kids on holiday. He wants to take them out of school right before dd has a gcse to sit. He also wants my permission. Because he can't take them without it.

This holiday is tentatively planned for April - Easter fortnight.

My mother has a terminal cancer diagnosis not quite 2 weeks ago with a median survival rate of 3 months.

I just told him no because I don't know what's happening with my mum and I don't want the kids far away and not able to get home for two weeks if something happens while they're away. So he wanted to know if she dies soon enough that he can still get it booked on time can he take them.

He says he's being logical. I think he can fuck off and then some.

I asked him to swap Christmas day because of the situation with mum and he refused.

Aibu to think I can't plan like this?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 29/12/2013 13:45

He sounds totally unreasonable

The school won't authorise the absence so close to exams anywya

As for Xmas and not swapping days Sad

Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:45

He doesn't intend to ask the school. He intends to just inform them.

OP posts:
LookingThroughTheFog · 29/12/2013 13:46

So he wanted to know if she dies soon enough that he can still get it booked on time can he take them.

I'd still say no. That way, you don't have to plan either way, and you haven't got someone watching like a hawk for your mother to die.

Love and hugs to you.

rubyslippers · 29/12/2013 13:46

He'll be landed with a fine then

He sounds truly dreadful

Iamsparklyknickers · 29/12/2013 13:46

YANBU and based on the fact your DD is sitting her GCSE's it would be a straight forward 'no' regardless of any other circumstances - book it for after the exams have finished.

Tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it.

Sorry about your mum Thanks

Annonynon · 29/12/2013 13:46

I think you should stick to what you decided to do on the other thread and answer every request with 'that won't be possible' and nothing more

RandomMess · 29/12/2013 13:47

Your DD has GCSEs - no, no, no, no.

He will have to wait until the summer hols like every other parent with dc at senior schools.

As for the situation with you Mum I do not have the words to write what I think!

Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:48

I have said no. But he's playing a guilt trip on me.

He's also said he will pay tuition for dd but only if I agree to the holiday.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 29/12/2013 13:48

If it's only one Gcse do you mean the short course one taken in year 10?

There's no way if she's year 11 and doing all her gcse's that he will be allowed - wouldn't have thought your permission would make any difference Confused

Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:49

Maths gcse taken early because of add maths next year.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/12/2013 13:49

I remember your other thread too, as Annonynon says "that won't be possible" to everything. Detach, detach, detach and focus on your DM.

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 13:49

I'm so sorry about your poor mum. What an awful situation for you all.

As far as your ex is concerned, why do you think we'll think you're unreasonable? He sounds a complete twat. Don't even think of giving him permission - your daughter's education has to come before a holiday. He has no idea of the amount of trouble she'd be in if she went on holiday at that time.

LookingThroughTheFog · 29/12/2013 13:50

Ask him if he thinks she needs tuition. If he says yes, and he's not prepared to pay for it, then he's jeopardising his daughter's future out of spite. If he says no, then there's no issue.

Or, better still, don't engage. He's had your answer.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 29/12/2013 13:52

After your previous thread re Christmas Day, just say "No" calmly and repeat. You have custody agreements in place, you will be sticking to them to make life more straightforward for everyone.

To save yourself a fine from school I'd also write to them to say you have refused permission for her to go on the holiday.

NatashaBee · 29/12/2013 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 29/12/2013 13:53

So he wouldn't let your kids have what is probably their last Christmas with their grandma? What an unutterable bastard. I'm so sorry for you, for putting up with him and for your poor mum. Flowers

Dollslikeyouandme · 29/12/2013 13:54

So sorry about your mum.

Your ex is a complete gobshite, only communicate with him when absolutely necessary and stick to one word answers. Delete texts without reading and focus on your dc and mum

Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:54

I feel like I being made out to be the bad one - oh I would have taken you away but your mum won't allow it.

I've told him he can take them wherever he likes in his week but not in mine. He said he would come up with a proposal to compensate me for the lost time. I don't think he could, if the kids were away and mum died and they weren't back in time that would be awful.

He was talking about what members of his family did in similar circa and I cut right across him and told him that wasn't relevant. It is not his family.

Then he said I was being illogical. And making it all about me. [cinfised]

OP posts:
Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:55

Turnaround - I was just thinking of informing the school and see what they say. I had thought to leave all the running to him but it might be worth letting them know. He hasn't contacted them.

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 29/12/2013 13:55

Either she needs/will benefit from the tuition or she doesn't.

Only a complete shithead would use it as a bargaining chip over their child and a sodding holiday.

Glad you dumped him and hope your exsil enjoys reading the replies to this thread.

Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:57

I hope she reads it. I don't even know why I bothered to n/c because she knows who I was/am.

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 29/12/2013 13:57

And making it all about me

Er no, you're just not letting it be all about him - slight difference there. Flinging about words like rational and illogical doesn't actually make him rational or logical, or superior. It makes him a twat.

Original poster
Exsilisreadingthis · 29/12/2013 13:58

Grin I hope ex SIL reads that IamSparkly

OP posts:
LookingThroughTheFog · 29/12/2013 14:02

Don't engage and don't read any texts etc.

I seem to remember your children are older, aren't they? Surely you would be able to sit down with them and say that you know he wants to take them on holiday, but that it's simply the wrong time for the following reasons; DDs GCSE, your mother being ill, needing time, certainly in the first half of next year, to be together.

That there will be time for other holidays with him, but that it needs to be on his time only, and not in the first part of this year.

They're old enough to understand.

Lambzig · 29/12/2013 14:03

I remember your other thread.

YANBU, if I were you I wouldn't agree to anything he wants, but the GCSE thing makes it impossible.

His campaign to win the title of "worlds most selfish arse" continues unabated.