Am I? Holiday related. Long. Probably.

[Exsilisreadingthis]

I have n/c. Ex-SIL you're a cow and I hope you enjoy stalking me all over mn.

I hope some of you will recognise me.

My ex wants to take the kids on holiday. He wants to take them out of school right before dd has a gcse to sit. He also wants my permission. Because he can't take them without it.

This holiday is tentatively planned for April - Easter fortnight.

My mother has a terminal cancer diagnosis not quite 2 weeks ago with a median survival rate of 3 months.

I just told him no because I don't know what's happening with my mum and I don't want the kids far away and not able to get home for two weeks if something happens while they're away. So he wanted to know if she dies soon enough that he can still get it booked on time can he take them.

He says he's being logical. I think he can fuck off and then some.

I asked him to swap Christmas day because of the situation with mum and he refused.

Aibu to think I can't plan like this?

WHat a big dick, so disrespectful of your DD's education, you, but most of all your DM.

Im sorry he is draining emtional energy out of you which should be conserved for your DM.

Tell the twat to fuck off. Inform school it is not with your consent if he attempts anythign in writing etc.

Talk to your DD to give her clear messages about what your wishes are.

I've told the kids they're ok with it - I think, they say they are.

But I know when they go to his next weekend the emotional blackmail will start. Ex SIL will definitely be sticking her oar in too once she hears and I am just sick and tired and fed up with it.

I said my answer to him would be NO. to everything from now on. This is the first acid test, I suppose.

And I think I'm entitled to make it about me and say I want my kids here in the circumstances.

I suppose what I'm looking for his for you lot to hit me a slap when I waver.

Just say no to him and refuse to discuss it at all.

Contact dad's school and explain that she may struggle to concentrate as her gran is so ill (and many sympathies for that) and her dad is trying to take her away without your permission right before the exams.

Engage with ex as little as possible, a and if he hounds you seek legal advice. When appropriate tell other people about his actions as factually as possible and leave then to deal with it. It sounds like he is deliberately messing with you to play on your grief and make you as unhappy as possible. Just focus on the time with your mum and block him out.

Two words: FUCK OFF.

I remember your thread on Christmas. You said that it was the final straw and that this selfish arse shitbag of a so-called dad would have not one further iota of you going out of your way for him, or compromising on things at your own expense.

So, if you meant that - and I hope you did- it starts here.

You're being illogical and obstructive? Why yes I might well be! Read my lips- FUCK. OFF.

As for your children- they are old enough, perhaps, to understand consequences. Maybe a little object lesson in 'do unto others as you would be done by' might actually stand them in good stead, as they see someone telling their overbearing arse of a dad to go whistle...just because they can, because of his previous behaviour?

Can't help thinking that as they move into adulthood and need to find tools to deal with this twat, that seeing you flick him the bird might be of FAR more use to then than a holiday.

I really hope you stick to your guns on what you said when you were so angry on your Christmas thread. It'll be the best thing you ever do.

It feels like "I hope your mum does quickly so I can book my holiday "
I did ask him when would be the latest it would be acceptable for her to die.

And he kept saying"passes on" which is a phrase I cannot stand.

No, after what he refused to switch Christmas, I wouldn't ever do anything for this prick again.

You poor thing. Stick to your guns.

What a horrible, nasty arse he is! Bastard.

I would phone the school if I were you and pre-warn them of his plans. Twat. Who in their right mind would want to take their child away at exam sitting time!

I did mean it jim, it's the end of it for me - read my lips, no. Not now not ever no.

I actually said "what part of no did you not understand? Did I not make myself clear enough for you? "

Oh and any further noise from him on it and I'd text the following -

'well Karma's a bitch ain't it? Get used to the new status quo. Hint: it will contain a lot of the word 'no' and quite a lot of the phrase 'FUCK OFF'. Happy New Year :) '

I suppose what I'd posted is very identifiable. But I haven't said anything that isn't true.

It is, of course, yes, my "version" of events.

But I wasted a lot of time this morning when a simple no would have been enough.

I can't believe he thought I'd say yes after I told him at Christmas if he ever asked me for anything again it would be a no.

He thinks he's still dealing with the softie who might have made with the mouth but would eventually have caved and done what he wanted. Not. This. Time.

Good for you.

Oh and ex-SIL? Hope you tread in a slug in bare feet in 2014, you uppity little squirt.

It was awful of him not to let the kids spend Christmas day with their grandmother for her last Christmas.

Nothing you can say or do could ever be as vile as that. Stick to your guns. Let him find out how hard it is when your ex refuses to compromise.

He's got some nerve. The answer is 'no' and will remain 'no'.

Giving the school the heads up and letting them know you've said no is a good idea. Avoids you getting into trouble with the school.

He doesn't get it. I tried so hard today to make him understand but all he keeps saying is that I am making it all about me. And I'm not. It's just I don't know and I can't know and I can't make a decision now.

Whether it's your version or not, if these two facts are true; 1) my mother is terminally ill, and 2) my daughter will be taking her first GCSE straight after Easter, then to be frank, nothing else matters.

The answer is no.

Plus. Fuck you cunt. The answer is no the answer will always be no. I told him. I told him. If you don't give me Christmas Day with my kids and my mum for her last Christmas then I will never forgive you and anything you ever ask me for will be a no.

Wasn't that clear enough?

It's just I don't know and I can't know and I can't make a decision now.

If you can, try to stay calm and rewrite this in your head to; 'I CAN make a decision now, and the decision is 'no'. It's done. There is no further need for the discussion to remain open.'

My mother has stage 4b pancreatic cancer with mets to liver and lymph nodes diagnosed on Monday 16 December.

Dd is sitting maths gcse in May and also has some other bits of coursework due then for other subjects.

Haha! Cross post. I see you've already done that! Well done!

I don't know the back story, but on this opening post alone:

YANBU!
I then read the next two pages after your OP and my jaw dropped open at his behaviour. You're definitely not unreasonable. He's been using your children as a weapon, and when they grow up, I hope they think about his behaviour as a parent and tell him to fuck off and then fuck off some more.

I'm so sorry for what's happening.

He doesn't need to 'get it'. Fuck him, don't waste your breath engaging and trying to make him understand. As you say, just keep repeating "the answer is no, the answer will always be no.". The fucking jerk.

Heck - print out this thread and read through it whenever you're on the phone with exdh (DickHead) and replenish your 'no bullshit' shield.