Am I? Holiday related. Long. Probably.

[Exsilisreadingthis]

I have n/c. Ex-SIL you're a cow and I hope you enjoy stalking me all over mn.

I hope some of you will recognise me.

My ex wants to take the kids on holiday. He wants to take them out of school right before dd has a gcse to sit. He also wants my permission. Because he can't take them without it.

This holiday is tentatively planned for April - Easter fortnight.

My mother has a terminal cancer diagnosis not quite 2 weeks ago with a median survival rate of 3 months.

I just told him no because I don't know what's happening with my mum and I don't want the kids far away and not able to get home for two weeks if something happens while they're away. So he wanted to know if she dies soon enough that he can still get it booked on time can he take them.

He says he's being logical. I think he can fuck off and then some.

I asked him to swap Christmas day because of the situation with mum and he refused.

Aibu to think I can't plan like this?

oh I remember your thread before Christmas, I can't believe he didn't come to his senses and realise what a cunt he was being.

So if your ExSIL is reading this - hiya, your brother is a horrible person, what sort of cunt would deny a dying woman the chance to have her grandchildren with her for her very last Christmas alive? On what planet does "but it's my turn" make that an ok thing to do to another human being who has never caused him harm?

Obviously, OP, your Ex is a shitty person, you learned the hard way he can't behave with compassion if there's nothing in it for him. So let him learn the hard way that if he's a cunt to other people, they tend to be shitty back to him.

The answer's no, it stays no. It is no for any other request he makes for the forseeable. I can't see there's any way he can make up for what he did to you and your mum, so there's no way he can change that no to a yes over anything.

And even if he hadn't been a twat over Christmas, taking your DC away just before GCSEs should be a 'no' anyway. If he was a good father, he'd not be suggesting it. He's obviously putting himself and his desire to have a holiday and be the parent who does exciting things, above what's best for his DCs. If he cared about your DD's future, he'd not want to take her away just before her exams anyway. It is actually another example of him not being able to care about anyone else.

Oh & forgot to say, so sorry about your mum and ((hugs)).

Thank you all of you really from the bottom of my heart. I shall stick to my guns. It's a no. It's staying a no. For ever. About anything. From now on. It's always going to be a no.

OP, now you're sounding more comfortable with your decision, is there any possibility that you can block his number from your phone? Your children are grown up enough to be able to work out travel to him by themselves.

My fear is, as was said upthread, that this isn't about wanting to take his children on holiday. It's about the fact that you have something going on in your life which is significantly more important than him. So he's jumping up and down for attention, and pushing all your buttons, simply to distract you from your mother.

If there is any chance that this is the case, it might make sense for you to insist that all communication now comes via a third party - if you have someone who is willing to field his communication for you, or through a solicitor.

What you need to focus on now are your children doing their exams, and your mother. Wash your hands of this fool once and for all, and don't let him take your focus. After all, he's clearly nothing but an insignificant speck. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be behaving this way.

Well done OP.

Your last post, from 'It's a no....' - next time he texts, just text that back. It says it all, quite beautifully. And if getting that gives him even an inkling of how much he has trashed every rule of decent behaviour, and how much he has destroyed, you'll be doing his black little soul a favour.

I've not got much to add .

You are NOT making this about you; it's about the awful situation your family finds itself in. And, sadly, is is unpredictable what might happen or how you or your children will feel whenever your mother passes away . Add to that your DD's GCSE.... well, no way can you or anybody else make holiday plans at this point that include taking children out of school.

'No' is a complete sentence - MN truism.

And as somebody else said upthread, you don't have to 'make him understand', you just have to tell him. Then deploy broken record technique.