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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to have an adults only housewarming party?

120 replies

OrangeIsNotTheOnlyFruitShoot · 29/12/2013 13:17

I moved home two months ago,and I'm planning on having a housewarming party in Jamuary,once most of the festivities are over. I wasn't planning on having one at all,as I'm not a party person,but people keep asking when we're having one,so I thought I'd have a simple food and drinks party.There'll be some music,but nothing to disturb the neighbours.

WIBU to make it adults only? I love children,but I'd prefer to restrict it to adults,because the atmosphere is rather different,we don't have to restrict our conversation so much,and because I don't really know what to do with a horde of children when I'll be busy cooking.

One 'acquaintance' has complained though that she can't bring her 4 and 7 year olds,and has asked me to make an exception. She says it's weird,and rude, to have a house warming party without kids.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 29/12/2013 15:07

your party, your rules

fwiw i did the same at my wedding ducks for cover yes i had a child free wedding Grin

i love and adore and work with kids (nanny and night nanny) but didnt want any at my wedding almost 7yrs ago

book a date, send invites and those who want to come and have kids will get a babysitter

tbh kids are likely to be bored/tired if evening do so no point being there Wink

Oddsocksrus · 29/12/2013 17:17

I've never been to a house warming party with children present!

I've always assumed it was to do with not trashing the place when it's all new and lovely?!
Personally I would get a baby sitter for dd

Nancy66 · 29/12/2013 17:21

A house full of other people's kids would put me right off going - child free is much much better.

NinjaBunny · 29/12/2013 17:26

I missed the cat and dog bit the first time round.

Unless they're a kitten and a puppy then they're still adults.

Wink
LookingThroughTheFog · 29/12/2013 17:27

Good Lord, so you've been guilted into having a party that you didn't want to have, and now you're being told who to invite!

No, you are not being unreasonable!

fifi669 · 29/12/2013 17:35

Child free time? Sounds like heaven!

tudorqueen · 29/12/2013 20:13

It does seem that younger parents (mostly mums I'm afraid) seem to think that it is reasonable to expect their children to tag along to everything that they do. My parents didn't do this - we were left with the housekeeper/nanny and my own and my DSc when they were younger were left with either an au pair, a friend or the neighbour's teenage daughter!

DH had a poker evening for his 50th and, naturally, no children were invited (gambling, drinking, swearing and general drunken debauchery would make it completely inappropriate), yet we still had some people ask if they could bring their (fairly young) children and then get quite affronted when we said no. It wouldn't have been fair on the children (hell, I find poker boring, but it was his 50th) and it certainly wouldn't have been fair on the adults - a mixture of parents of young children, parents of adult/teenage children and childfree - who wanted to let down their hair and have a bit of fun.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 29/12/2013 20:17

It's your house, it's your rules!
If you have no children it's even more understandable
Your friend is being a bit cheeky !

WilsonFrickett · 29/12/2013 20:39

I need to know how old the cat and dog are before I can make a judgement...

Actually I don't. She's weird. We're having a child-free housewarming next month and my friends with DCs are delighted by the opportunity for mischief this will bring. Obviously I know there will be a couple of declines/cancellations due to babysitting issues but thems the breaks. YANBU.

VelvetSpoon · 29/12/2013 20:50

I don't agree it's a younger/older parents thing at all. I'm 41, I went everywhere with my parents as a child, and my children were the same (certainly until I split with my XP).

I don't view the presence of children as an issue, and find it odd people have this insistence on grown up time.

Anyway, ateotd, your house, your decision, so long as you're prepared for some parents to be unable to attend. I do also think people are entitled to ask if they can bring children (esp if they're unable to find babysitters). I certainly have asked in the past in such a situation and had to decline if the answer was no.

LittlePeaPod · 29/12/2013 20:57

Surely if the invite says "Adult Party" it's very obvious that children are not invited. Why ask again if your DC can attend and put the host in an awkward position. Surely its clear enough in the first instance and therefore if childcare is an issue then you would simply decline the invite?

StealthPolarBear · 29/12/2013 21:06

Invite the acquaintance. Give the cat a little blue rinse and housecoat and thw dog a pipe and slippers. Then you're set

FudgefaceMcZ · 29/12/2013 21:07

" My parents didn't do this - we were left with the housekeeper/nanny and my own and my DSc when they were younger were left with either an au pair"

Only on Mumsnet... Biscuit

OP, yanbu as long as you don't bitch at your friend if she doesn't come (not everyone has a housekeeper and an au pair, or indeed helpful local babysitting facilities). If she's on her own with kids she probably gets socially left out a lot (I have been by thoughtless 'friends' who couldn't seem to realise that not everyone has a partner or someone to leave kids with), and is just frustrated by that, so maybe you could invite her and kids round another time?

Grennie · 29/12/2013 21:08

Adults drinking lots at an evening party is not a suitable environment for young children. I am always surprised that some parents think it is.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/12/2013 21:10

YANBU at all. I sometimes ask if I can bring DS to a party if it's not clear on the invitation whether or not it's adults-only - and then check if there are going to be other kids there or not, on the grounds that if several people are going to be bringing their DC then the more the merrier, but if the hosts are happy to have DS attend but he will be the only kid, then I would rather get his dad to look after him for both my sake and his.

Velvetspoon - I think people who insist that all social occasions include children are both peculiar and boring. I like BDSM and swingers' parties, and political activist meetings, none of which are suitable for children.

StealthPolarBear · 29/12/2013 21:11

Nice to see you back sgb :)

Mintyy · 29/12/2013 21:20

Velvet Spoon - do you really find it odd that adults "have this insistence on grown-up time"? Don't you think that makes you a little out of kilter with what the vast majority of parents prefer? Or do you think all of us want to be around children at all times? I think you are probably in an extremely teeny minority.

caramelwaffle · 29/12/2013 21:21

Yanbu.

I agree with Sgb (also agree it's good to see you around)

LittlePeaPod · 29/12/2013 21:22

I also think its unfair to accuse people of been thoughtless this was thrown at DH and I when we held our house warming because they decide to hold adult events. Childcare issues are the responsibility of the parent, not the host. Its not like they are purposely saying we will have this event because we want to leave so and so out! most people arrange events they want to attend/host. IMHO, people should not have to change their plans/arrangements because they are guilt tripped into it.

CrapBag · 29/12/2013 21:23

Yanbu. I have a friend that changes everything into a child friendly event, it does my head in. Having children does not mean you want to be attached 24\7.

Although at least you got asked, my friend just says that she'll be bringing x as he doesn't like by being left (he's 1). No one ever likes to state its adults only.

VelvetSpoon · 29/12/2013 21:34

For me, it's a bit like parents who bang on about getting their kids to bed by 6pm every night, not because children are tired but more so they get some 'grown up time'. I've never understood that, but as I'm out at work for 12 hours a day perhaps my perspective is slightly different.

As for parties, if I'm in someone's house it's just a get together not a bloody all night rave, no reason in my view why not to have kids there. Wouldn't affect my evening. If I wanted to go and get pissed tbh I'd make the effort and go to a pub or bar, not sitting round someone's kitchen table!

I've only been to one houseparty in recent years where kids were specifically excluded, at the rest most people took the view (as I would) that it was up to guests if they wanted to bring kids or not.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/12/2013 21:43

FFS theer are quite a ot of adult social activities that are really boring for children. Small children are not interested in chess or other board games. They don't want to watch films that don't feature animated trains or talking animals. They're not very keen on sitting at the table for a leisurely dinner where the adults are talking. Even if they like sport, they want to play not watch, and you're not seriously advocating allowing children to join in a football or rugby match and play against adults. It's not a kindness to children to drag them everywhere and insist that they sit quietly while the adults do adult things, when the kids would rather be at home with their own toys and space to run around, or watching the telly.

tudorqueen · 29/12/2013 21:44

Velvetspoon - yeah, I know - but we did have a housekeeper who was also our nanny. Sorry, but it was just the way our family worked. And yes, I had an au pair when the kids were young and I was working 12 hr days and my then DH was away for up to 6 months a time in the Navy.

I also spent several years as a single mum and felt isolated and lonely.

I do also find it odd that people want to be with their DC 24/7 and find people who devote their entire lives to their children often a bit dull.

I also think that it is unfair on both adults and children for them to be at parties that involve lots of alcohol/adult conversation and go on late in the evening. People with older children/no children/young children but who have arranged childcare are allowed fun without strangers children getting irritable and over tired.

Mintyy · 29/12/2013 21:58

VelvetSpoon, you seem to have quite a large gap in your understanding of what is normal wrt adults' social lives. I think you just need to accept that almost no one shares your pov.

Shenanagins · 29/12/2013 22:00

We were invited to a party recently and were most upset when the host insisted we bring our children Grin