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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to have an adults only housewarming party?

120 replies

OrangeIsNotTheOnlyFruitShoot · 29/12/2013 13:17

I moved home two months ago,and I'm planning on having a housewarming party in Jamuary,once most of the festivities are over. I wasn't planning on having one at all,as I'm not a party person,but people keep asking when we're having one,so I thought I'd have a simple food and drinks party.There'll be some music,but nothing to disturb the neighbours.

WIBU to make it adults only? I love children,but I'd prefer to restrict it to adults,because the atmosphere is rather different,we don't have to restrict our conversation so much,and because I don't really know what to do with a horde of children when I'll be busy cooking.

One 'acquaintance' has complained though that she can't bring her 4 and 7 year olds,and has asked me to make an exception. She says it's weird,and rude, to have a house warming party without kids.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeIsNotTheOnlyFruitShoot · 29/12/2013 13:35

The safety aspects do worry me too. The stairs are steep,with a sudden turn at the top. I have patio doors,but can't let the kids run in and out as it's a new build,and the back garden hasn't been landscaped yet,so it's almost entirely mud.

There's no fencing in the front garden,and there's a fast flowing stream and a pond right across the street too.

During the day,on any other occasion,they'd be very welcome. I was planning on having the party late evening.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 29/12/2013 13:36

It's your party host it how you want to host it. Yanbu at all.

Original poster
OrangeIsNotTheOnlyFruitShoot · 29/12/2013 13:38

Aquaintance also said that it's not fair to refuse to allow children,because my cat and dog will be present. Hmm They'll be in another part of the house.

OP posts:
AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 29/12/2013 13:40

What would be weird would be inviting children to a late-evening party except possibly for children who were very close family. I think you may have been unlucky enough to find the one person in the world who thinks that your plans could be construed as rude in any way.

BohemianGirl · 29/12/2013 13:40

My solution would be : don't invite the acquaintance. Problem solved.

manticlimactic · 29/12/2013 13:43

I don't think it's weird or rude. OTOH your 'acquaintance' was possibly looking in the mirror when she said that. Shock

manticlimactic · 29/12/2013 13:44

Just seen your last post. Tell them to fuck off. The cheek of it!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/12/2013 13:45

Keep to your original plan

She's daft and if she cant make it because of childcare, meh.

Mintyy · 29/12/2013 13:46

Your acquaintance is nuts and I'd forget about developing a relationship with her. Its almost laughable!

LittlePeaPod · 29/12/2013 13:47

We had a house warming early 2013 when we moved. The party was adult only. The majority of our friends have kids. Everyone was fine with it except one couple who wanted to bring their kids. We just said "No" it was an adult only party. They didn't attend in the end.

It's your party therefore your rules. I think its extremely rude when parents ask to bring kids to an event that has been specified as adults only. If they can't get childcare then they don't attend. End of.

Have the party you want Op. it's your house warming.

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 13:53

God, why on earth would you invite children when you don't have any!?

Tell this woman that children are not invited. The fact you have a cat and a dog are nothing to do with it. In fact even if you had ten children yourself who would be there, that would be nothing to do with it. You'd still be well within your rights to not invite anyone else's.

Only1scoop · 29/12/2013 13:53

De invite the 'acquaintance'....can't believe how rude some folk can be. Your cat and dog....really Hmm

Only1scoop · 29/12/2013 13:54

Imperial....Absoultely Grin

Earlspearl · 29/12/2013 14:06

If it was a daytime/afternoon event then you are being unreasonable. If its an evening event starting after 7 ish then it's perfectly normal to be child free. Much nicer for everyone to relax in the evenings without little ones.

NiceTabard · 29/12/2013 14:11

YANBU to have an adults only party, but you need to accept it will probably mean that some of the people you invite will decline.

Original poster
OrangeIsNotTheOnlyFruitShoot · 29/12/2013 14:26

I understand that NiceTabard. I don't have a problem with. It's an invitation,so it's entirely voluntary.

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 29/12/2013 14:27

Why would Op be unreasonable to have an adult only party if it was in the afternoon. Why does it make a difference? op can do as she pleases its her house, her party and her rules.

I wouldn't be surprised if a post didn't appear on MN saying "AIBU to expect my friend to let me take my DC to her house warming". Grin

RandomMess · 29/12/2013 14:32

You have a weird acquaintance. It's an evening party, you have no DC why on earth would you invite DC!!!

LizzieVereker · 29/12/2013 14:33

YANBU at all, as long as you won't be offended if a couple of people can't come, and you have said you won't be.

I love the cat and dog comment! Are your pets specially trained children's party entertainer pets? Will they be disappointed if there are no children at the party? I can picture them now, huffily packing away the face paints and modelling balloons with their little paws.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 29/12/2013 14:35

YANBU at all. The person who told you it is "weird and rude" to not allow children is clearly talking out of her self-centred arse, and will be no loss to your party.

Adult only parties are fine - people can choose to go or not to go, as is often said on here, it's an invitation, not a summons.

Some years ago my Asian belly dance teacher had a party (which I was sadly too pregnant to go to) and one of the students asked if she could bring children - the teacher was shocked to be asked, it was a late evening/night time party, no children would be there! Apparently it's not the done thing to have children to evening/night time parties where she comes from, it's a time for adults to be able to drink and chat without worrying about supervising their offspring, who should be asleep by then anyway.
Whereas when I was in Italy as an au pair, it was quite normal to have even tiny children out as late as 11pm.
Different attitudes, innit.

In the end, it's up to you - it's your party, you don't want children, for pretty valid reasons (safety aspects being uppermost in my mind at least!)

  • anyone who doesn't like it doesn't need to come.
secretsofsanta · 29/12/2013 14:39

Did you read the party thread? no one will come anyway

RubyRR · 29/12/2013 14:39

With the cat and dog reasoning alone I think you should grovel to her and apologise for not seeing the similarities before, she sounds lovely, are you sure you even want her there? I think this could also apply to child free weddings, invitations need to explain cats and dogs are not invited either.

trashcanjunkie · 29/12/2013 14:44

Not at all. Acquaintance sounds odd as fuck. Scrape her off. Quickly!

NinjaBunny · 29/12/2013 14:48

I cant think of anything worse than other peoples children when you havent got any yourself.

Or even if you have got children of your own...

Wink

An adult party sounds lovely. If you friend wants to come she'll find a way.

neolara · 29/12/2013 14:49

Your "friend" is nuts. Ignore her.