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Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be desperate for a baby?

115 replies

oskie84uk · 28/12/2013 14:30

I've been with dp for 4 years. Its got to the point where all thats on my mind is babies. Im 30 and childless, dp is 50 also no dc.

I have tried talking to dp regarding a baby and he says ee shoukd be financially secure til we think about dc. Thing is, neither of our situations are going ti change financislly. We both work, and pay rent and bills on time as well as having extra to enjoy meals out and weekends away, so in my eyes there is nothing to save up for. Also, I have tried talking to him about this, trying to alleviate his fears, but he wont talk back at me, only to say 'we have talked about this'. I then cry and he never hugs me, just stares blankly. The last time I cried was outside a restaurant, amd he walked off leaving me crying. That same night I confessed I miscarriee my son when I was 18 and he didnt hug me, say he was sorry for my loss, nothing.

He is usually a loving, generous person, but on this he wont give an inch.

I obviously dont want to force him into a baby but my longing for one is so intense that when my cousin told me she was trying for one with her dh, my envy overdhadowed my happiness for her even though I didn't show it.

My recent tests have justcome back that I have low egg reserves and endometriosis so im more desperate than ever!

OP posts:

fancyanotherfez · 30/12/2013 12:44

Has he started a savings account? Has he said that you should cut down the meals out and weekends away to save up? Has he said how much you have to save? I suspect the answer to all these questions is no. Also, my friend talked about egg freezing and researched it. It is extremely unlikely to succeed and even then, the eggs ideally have to be under 25 when frozen. Fwiw she wanted to freeze her eggs so she could have children at some unspecified time in the future. She has now come to realise that she actually doesn't want children at all, she just didn't want to say never. Your dp could go on like this for another 20 years. You on the other hand, cannot.

Original poster

oskie84uk · 30/12/2013 12:54

Thanks so much for all your replies and advice.

So much has happened since my last post and i'm really excited for the future.

Last night I took dp off to the pub to talk about our future (although he didn't know that...he thought he was in for a nice, quiet drink!) and my feelings were at the end of their tether, so I asked him if he really wanted dc, and if he didn't, that to tell me now so I am not in false hope and I said we could still work at the relationship (we couldn't really...no children would be a deal breaker for me).

He promised that he did want children, and I said, well I can't wait forever, I need an amount to save and a realistic date to show his commitment. I kept asking him how much we should save and what date we can start ttc on, and he kept saying he didn't know, so together we worked out that we could save £2000 in around 6 months, so we have agreed on a date in June to stop using contraception.

I also said that we should stop going out for meals and weekends away so much, and he reluctantly agreed.

This morning I asked him if he regretted telling me we can start ttc in June and he said he didn't and he sounded like he meant it :)

I really hope he sticks to his word!

OP posts:

Original poster

oskie84uk · 30/12/2013 12:56

p.s. I took him to the pub for 'the talk' because at home he can easily escape into another room or the telly is a distraction.

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 30/12/2013 12:56

So do I, oskie.
Sounds like a productive chat.
V best of luck for a happy future, whatever happens

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/12/2013 13:15

I really hope that he's not just stringing you along; it does sound like he might be. Given your partner is 50 and you are 30 but with fertility issues I really don't think time is on your side. If you are using hormonal contraception I'd stop that straightaway as it can take months to get fully out of your system. If you are still set on contraception until June then condoms would probably be a better option.

OpalTourmaline · 30/12/2013 13:37

Can't you start ttc now and save while you ttc? It's not like the baby would appear immediately you begin ttc. I really hope that come June he doesn't change it to December or say that more needs to be saved. If he does I think you should walk. All the best OP. I hope you get your longed for baby.

Meerka · 30/12/2013 13:50

Glad to hear of the talk but as other posters have said, just keep a note of caution at the back of your head.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2013 14:15

Glad you had the chat and I hope come June that he happy for you to ttc

If he says no / let's wait another 6mths / save more money etc then leave him

Easy for us to say leave him / a lot harder to leave someone you love :( but if you want children and be a mum that's something you have to b prepared to do

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 30/12/2013 14:17

I really really hope OP, that he means this and in six months time you can start ttc. I hope that he isn't fobbing you off for another six months.

If in six months he says to wait again, then he's stringing you along.

Original poster

oskie84uk · 30/12/2013 14:21

Thanks so much for all your replies. It really is appreciated.

I told him that if June came and he wasn't ready then that I would leave (the bastard - ha!). There will be no extension from June.

OpalTourmaline, I would ideally like to start ttc now, but i'm very overweight and my blood pressure is high, and I would like to lose the weight and be healthy as possible to start ttc, especially given my other problems with my reproductive system. I think 6 months will be a good time to be able to that :)

Ghoul, we are just using condoms atm. Can't wait to be able to stop using the buggers!

OP posts:

OpalTourmaline · 30/12/2013 16:48

Well done on standing firm about June. It will come soon enough. Good luck with the weight loss. I will be joining you in attempting to lose weight.

fancyanotherfez · 30/12/2013 20:24

Good news that you have set a date. 6 months means you can plan things like losing weight and taking folic acid. You will also know then if he really means it!

fancyanotherfez · 30/12/2013 20:24

Good news that you have set a date. 6 months means you can plan things like losing weight and taking folic acid. You will also know then if he really means it!

fancyanotherfez · 30/12/2013 20:24

Good news that you have set a date. 6 months means you can plan things like losing weight and taking folic acid. You will also know then if he really means it!

ohfourfoxache · 30/12/2013 20:30

That's wonderful news, I'm really pleased it went so well for you x

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