to ask if I can eat with the children at the next family meal ?

[Babieseverywhere]

For the last two decades family meals at the inlaws was either a sit down meal or a buffet where everyone adults and children would eat the same food at the same time.

A year ago it has changed to kids eat their food first and adults eat their food second. Their house, their rules etc and of course I would never question why they have changed their minds.

However this is making things very difficult for me. As 4 out of the families 8 kids are mine and the youngest just 16 months old. The easiest time for me to eat is while the children eat and what I now find is that, I sit with the children watching them eat and supervising as needed with the other mothers. Then I am the last to grab an adult plate to up with yoummy foodl having asked my oldest 8yo to watch youngest, so I can eat.

Usually the youngest two, toddler and litle child won't settle eith my oldest so I end up juggling parenting them on my lap, at my feet whilst trying to eat around them.

At the last meal, I was asked to move from dining room as my fil had finished eating and wanted to watch sports on the tv, fair enough I moved to kitchen. Where I was asked to move again, as mil was clearing up from the meal I was trying to eat . Finally I moved to standing up to a breakfast high table where I one handedly ate, whilst trying to butter a roll with a toddler on my hip and the other children running around.

I am finding it very difficult to enjoy family meals anymore. :(

Don't even ask about DH, every time he tries to help mil will pass him another beer and tell him to chat to df or db. She doesn't see why I need any help with our children.

I was thinking that at the next meal at theirs, I could ask if I can eat with the children. There is always food left over, they cater well. I can then supervise the children while they eat...win, win. But concerned if I ask it might be seen as ruddess and I don't want to cause a rift.

AIBU to ask to eat children's food with the children ?

ps. They have always had family children at meals in the past, even tiny ones. Really wish they would go back to the old system.

But, OP, either your DH is sitting with his Dad and Brother drinking beer whilst you juggle feeding and seeing to 4 children on your own, in which case, he needs to step up and look after his own children, or, he's not doing that and he's looking after his children alongside you, in which case you don't have any reason to start the thread.

I really don't understand how this thread isn't about your DH not taking 50/50 responsibility for his children when he's in his mother's house.

I agree with other posters. Your DH reverts to being a child once he passes his mother's threshold, and, therefore, so do you. In an adult relationship, you'd be saying 'Wait, hang on a minute, I haven't finished with the kids yet- can you all wait till I'm ready to eat, or give me a hand, please!' Just think what you'd be doing if you were visiting friends and this happened, and you'll see the difference.

If you're struggling, surely you just ask DH to give you a hand. If your mil fobs him off with beer, he should say no I'm helping DW.

I mean, that's all it takes?

I wouldn't go and visit such selfish, sexist people. Why aren't the whole family helping out? They sound horrid. DH can go alone.

Stop making excuses for your DH.

He's a grown man...a parent and a husband ffs.

Ask yourself why he 'can't do much' for his youngest child.

And then ask yourself why you're blaming everyone else (including the situation) but him.

Just parent and eat together. This has nothing to do with what your MIL does/doesn't do.

I would be telling your DH that from now on you will be eating with the children or he will bring you your plate of food before he gets his own. He need to step up and parent his children at his parents and not return to a useless teenage boy. If this doesn't happen I would either not go and he takes the children himself (all of them not just they older 3) or if you are at you IL's you will come home and leave hm to it.