To think DH and I are like a sexy, hot couple from a Hollywood film

[catgirl1976]

Based on this exchange last night

Me: "Hey DH. DS is at DPs for the night. How nice is that. We can really relax. We could even have sex."

DH "Mm."

Me: "Mind you, I've not shaved my legs for weeks and I have a full on 70s bush so we'd have to leave the lights out."

DH: "Yes. And I've had a really bad stomach all day and been on the loo every 5 minutes."

Me: "Shall we give it a miss?"

DH: "Yeah. Ooh look Antiques Road show has got a play-along thingy"

It just doesn't get any hotter or more glamorous than that does it?

I laughed at the posh couple on GoggleBox.

He asked what she wanted to drink. She said "if you want sex I'll have a vodka and Red Bull, if not I'll have a Baileys."

He was sarky, she said "I'll have a double Baileys!"

I get the Jack Russelling when I am changing the cat litter. Or just bending over anywhere really. Hands on my hips and humping my ass. Yep, now I am primed and ready love.

I also sometimes get asked to "hop on board"

I just suggested to dp that maybe we should have sex sometime in the not too distant future. He looked unconvinced and announced he is having a bath. Oh well, worth a try

I want to have sex, I really do, but I'm so bloody tired and everytime I summon the energy dd wakes up and wants to come in our bed.

"Shall I take a Viagra tonight darling?"

"Haven't fixed the towel rail yet, then?"

I know DH is after something when he uses mouthwash.
He's also got form for asking 'fancy a shag later?'

DH always comes up behind me when I am washing up the few bits that don't fit in the dishwasher. I don't know what it is, as soon as my hands are in the water, he's there like a bee round honey!

I can't bend over anymore, otherwise he'd be there.

We never really discuss whether or not we are going to have sex we just do it - he's away a lot though so we are both up for it pretty much all the time we are together - when our 6 DC aren't knocking on the bedroom door.

He pissed me off this weekend so I got a lot more than a shoulder rub foreplay before I was willing to play! :)

"Do you want to go make out?"

Are we in college or at uni in the halls at a party?

Makes me want him so much.

We've been married 9 years and together 12.

DH says "Fancy a shag" too, Chopsy!

I go and he says "I do!" I just say " I know, you're still breathing!"

My boyfriend and I were watching a box set the other week. Episode finished and he turned to me and said "another one?" I replied "might as well" He said "well you've got your period so we don't have to fit sex in before we go to sleep". EXACTLY what I was thinking.

I repeat this is my BOYFRIEND, of only two years. There is no hope for us.

I get "while you're down there..." too!

Ditto on the mouthwash. Apparently he thinks Listerine is some sort of aphrodisiac.

Brilliant thread!

Ive been single for over 3 years now so i'm jealous of all your hot lust filled encounters with your OHs.

Nice horse OP.

Lol
Hilariously 'real'. Did you actually yes the bush line?

This is very interesting. While sex gets discussed sometimes re positions and regularity, which is all very well for being nosy and comparing.

I always thought I was missing out on being wooed but aparently I am not! My DH will say:

'Any chance of rumpy pumpy' - this just makes me laugh I never take it seriously

and...'maybe me and you could have a bit of nice time together'...it's ok I suppose.. but this lady doesnt want 'nice'

A lot of the time we are on the sofa and just comment on how lazy we are when it comes to sex. We are both on the same page though. i used to wrry that we werent having it enough etc - cosmopolitan magazine has a lot to answer for!

Ha ha ha!

I get "is it worth me shaving tonight?"

All our friends seem to know the state of play of our sex life by judging how long his stubble is

I also daren't bend over or do anything involving both hands or he's there in a flash. 'cos that's really going to make me want to rip his clothes off...dry humping me while I'm rummaging in the freezer

Earlier on dh and I were watching telly. Someone said something about munching cake.

Dh: you can munch on my cake any time you like.

Me: ....

Dh: just so we are clear, by cake I mean penis.

Yup.. That's as romantic as it gets round here.

I am currently upstairs changing for bed. DH is downstairs bouncing snotty 9mo DS2 on his shoulder.

He has texted me to tell me to get my boobs out.....because DS2 needs another feed. Earlier I see in my trail of text messages that I begged him to "relieve me please!" when I had been squashed under a sneezing baby for an hour. I am just about to text him my usual nightly message "in bed xxx" to signal that he should bring up co-sleeping DS2.

If you read our text messages at face value, we are having the greatest sex life ever. In reality, not so much.

DS always makes it in to my bed before DP can. He takes one look, then goes back to the sofa (which we keep a sleeping bag behind) and sleeps there.

You can tell how sizzling Hollywood we are can't you?

Amazingly we do fit in the odd session, once the kids are up on a weekend and busy watching TV downstairs, usually.

I'm loving these

Makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one whose sex life is sometimes as sexy as a Last of The Summer Wine box set

I am incapable of getting dressed after a shower without DP coming up behind me and pretending to rut away . Then he looks wounded when I move away and throw my clothes on as quickly as possible.