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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at this woman infront of DS?

92 replies

MrsDrRanj · 21/12/2013 10:26

In the supermarket with DS (21 months) yesterday. A woman walks past us and knocks into my buggy (she had plenty of room), looked at my DS who is mixed race and shouted about 'all these half breeds' and how 'there won't be any black people left'. She also had a little girl with her.

Usually I'd like to think of a clever dignified response, but this caught me by surprise and I shouted at her to get the fuck away from my son before I rip her face off and told her she needs help. I never swear infront of children and I feel quite ashamed that I did, but on the other hand I will always want my son to know that I will stand up for him and he should never have to accept racism.

I still feel quite upset to be honest, and wondering if I did the right thing.

OP posts:
vtechjazz · 21/12/2013 10:29

I'm surprised you managed a response at all, stuff this outrageous leaves me speechless!

picnicbasketcase · 21/12/2013 10:30

She was obviously incredibly rude to you but you shouldn't have shouted or sworn at her in front of your DS, who is at an age when he'll start copying words he hears. But you know that. Maybe have a few choice replies ready for anyone who is do horrible in future.

Notalone · 21/12/2013 10:30

What a thoroughly horrible woman. Normally I would say shouting at strangers in front of your children is a huge no no but on this occasion it was a gut reaction to the uncalled for foul nasty comments directed at your lovely DS for absolutely no reason. Hopefully she will think twice next time she decides to share her delightful views. Be kind to yourself as it is her with the problem and not you

loveolives · 21/12/2013 10:30

You were a lot more dignified than I wouldn't have been. What a vile cunt that creature is.

enderwoman · 21/12/2013 10:30

I think it's better to say something so your ds doesn't grow up thinking it's acceptable for people to say that.

I can't believe that people can really think such shit. Fucking hell.

Icantstopeatinglol · 21/12/2013 10:31

I can't believe people actually think that way!! You hear about it but I honestly think that is disgraceful!!
I think your instinct to protect your ds kicked in which is why you reacted the way you did.
Next time she says that to someone she might get more than she bargained for. Lucky for her you're not violent!

kali110 · 21/12/2013 10:31

Think your response was justified!what a horrible thing to say, especially in front of your child

honeybunny14 · 21/12/2013 10:32

Yanbu she sounds horrid.

BruthasTortoise · 21/12/2013 10:32

Nope. I have absolutely no issue with what you did. Sometimes in life "bad" language is completely appropriate and this was one of these times. In fact I think you showed an incredible levels of restraint.

formerbabe · 21/12/2013 10:33

Disgusting. I actually think its a matter for the police.

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 21/12/2013 10:34

YANBU. I think you were very restrained.

Why are some people so cunty? Sad

AChickenCalledKorma · 21/12/2013 10:34

Honestly? You were totally right to answer her stupidity back. But if I'd been her little girl, I'd have been very frightened by what you said.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 21/12/2013 10:34

former I did wonder that afterwards, if I should had gone and spoken to the security guards

OP posts:
SomePeopleNeedHelp · 21/12/2013 10:34

What she said was awful, she obviously has issues.

But what you said was scary! Maybe you need to have a prepared response.

Even though your ds is little, I would speak to him about it (right afterwards I mean) and say that mummy was wrong to shout those things but that lady was very very rude and you got a shock. Just to let him know it is not ok to say that kind of thing (either of you). He won't understand now but it is a good habit to get into, better than just feeling guilty.

Ledkr · 21/12/2013 10:35

You'll get all the sanctimonious responses on here "it's wrong to shout and swear etc" but the reality is that most people would have done what you did and done much worse.
Well done.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 21/12/2013 10:36

Achicken you're right, and I feel awful about that :( although I imagine it won't be a rare occurrence if this woman goes around saying this kind of thing.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 21/12/2013 10:36

You're not unreasonable at all you were caught off guard.

I don't know how you'd be expected to think up and formulate a suitably "reasonable" response in that time frame other than rage!

Yes yes swearing is bad etc... but no one's a saint!

Can't believe how vile some people are who says stuff like that?!

Onesleeptillwembley · 21/12/2013 10:36

Wow! I thought this was a made up scenario beloved of the hairy handed until I saw it was an established poster. Wtf was that woman on? It probably wasn't your finest moment, Mrs, but I'd have been over like a shot offering to hold your coat at that, and believe me - not much shocks me or evokes visible reactions. I encounter all sorts if the professionally so just don't bite.

SomePeopleNeedHelp · 21/12/2013 10:36

Sorry that should say, a prepared response that hopefully you will never have to use (no-one should have to live their life expecting racism).

picnicbasketcase · 21/12/2013 10:37

Guess I'm in a minority here then. I agree that you were right to say something back but the swearing just sounds a bit much in front of two small children.

formerbabe · 21/12/2013 10:37

It is racial abuse. I would have told security guard, called police and videoed her on my phone. Though, that is easy to say...at the time I probably would have been so shocked and angry, I wouldn't have been able to think straight.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 21/12/2013 10:37

some I live in a very multicultural part of London, I really didn't expect to need to have a prepared response for something like this?!

OP posts:
RedLondonBus · 21/12/2013 10:39

What could the security guards do tho?

I can't believe people say these things! Think I would've been speechless. Was she black? Honestly, is this the 'thinking' about mixed race people?

Ledkr · 21/12/2013 10:39

I know a few people who would have punched her one, she's lucky she didn't say it to them!

KateSpade · 21/12/2013 10:40

I can't believe their are still people out their who actually believe that stuff?

I'd have probably been speechless aswell!