to be a bit miffed (MiL and Christmas presents)

[MandatoryMongoose]

Just received a box of gifts from MiL, there are 3 gifts for DS (9 months) a card for all of us and a cheque for me and DH. DD (my DD, DH's DSD) doesn't get a gift.
Now I know that DD isn't MiLs biological GC and DD is 14 so also understands this but DD has had to adjust in the past year and a half to me and DH getting married and her brother being born. DD feeling part of the family as much as her brother is very important to us and I think she'd be a little hurt to not get even a token gift when the rest of us do.

AIBU to think MiL was a bit mean or at least very thoughtless?

WIBU to wrap a small gift for DD and claim it's from MiL?

DeWe that situation is slightly different, dsd paternal grandma is not involved with this new family unit, and would just be buying dsd a gift not op, and her dh, and leaving one out!

Dsis married a man with 2 children from his previous marriage. We've always treated them as our nephews, and when Dsis and BIL had their 'own' children as well we continued to do so. What kind of mean, penny-counting people exclude children like that?

Exactly love at totally goes against te spirit f Christmas. In op family unit there are 4, not three people.

You just don't get everyone a present bar 1

Conversely, it's unfair for one child to have twice as many presents as another.

Certainly get dd a gift out of te cheque money and wrap it for her, and bloody let mil that, in the future tat is not acceotable. What if you and dh had more kids and and mil got everyone else in te family a gift but dsd. Shewould see her siblings opening gifts from mil and would be very aware she did not get one. Unacceptable!

Morning .

To try and answer peoples questions, DD sees her Dad and GM once a year and that's a reasonably new thing. Between the ages of 4 - 11 it was sporadic phone contact only. So I don't think her DS will feel he's missing out because he doesn't have an absent parent.

I offered DD the opportunity to change her name if she wished so that she would have the same name as the rest of us. She likes her name better and wants to keep it and of course it makes no real difference to anything. I think it was important to offer though to make sure DD doesn't feel excluded from anything - be that names or Christmas presents.

DH if asked would tell you he has 2 children and DD loves her step-father and has commented that he is more of a father to her than her biological dad has ever been. (Though which of the two that says more about is unclear)

I think Piglet has got to the heart of my issue really - it's the 3/4 thing that bothers me.

For this year I'll give her a share of the money (or DH suggests we could use it to go on a family day out or a meal as a present to us all). Then I'll broach it gently with MiL before next Christmas!

yanbu - i'd be very pissed off.

my dp's separated parents (and their partners) wouldn't dream of not including my dd because she's not their biological gd.

we've now got another one on the way and i had been concerned that dd will be excluded once baby comes next year, but my fears have been allayed by the fact that both sets of gps (on his side - not mine - they're crap) have gone out of their way this Christmas to make dd feel part of the family (not just gifts, but how they treat/treasure her).

i don't really feel this argument/situation extends to aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews - i'd kind of get over them not including dd i think - i think it's about his mum accepting your daughter as part of his entire family (iyswim).

yes, mil sounds a bit crap, but she does need to be set right on this.

i wouldn't use the cheque for a family day out either - dd needs something for her specifically on christmas day.

Get your DH to tell his mother that she can either send presents to the whole family or none.

His mother - he should be the one to speak to her, not you.

All the different scenarios that posters are using as example of how it's ok for mil to leave out one child at Christmas are just excusing her.
There is no valid excuse for actively excluding one child in a family .
It is not for the mil to 'even' up the score of presents .
It is rude at best ,downright cruel at worst, to give a child ( even a teen ) the message that they are not part of that family ,,, she is a very important part of that family ,
She is daughter , sister ( matters not one hot that she is half sister) and granddaughter ! Whether mil likes it or not .
Mil should be ashamed of herself if this was deliberate ? ( I shall give her the benifit of doubt and say it may not have been)

I agree it would be ok if mil sent presents to just her grandson and no one else in the family unit, but to leave one out s not excusable and nasty. I would tell mil that you used some of the cheque money to buy dd a present and exttime could she remember that there are 4 people in the fami,y now!

Having grown up having step parents on both mum and dad's side I know exactly how it feels to be excluded from the presents so can see what the OP means.

My StepDads parents excluded me from presents & even cards. Just included me in the family box of chocs whilst my half brother got anything between 6-10 presents from them

My StepMums parents also excluded me from Christmas presents but I was sent cards.

It is really hard & I never felt accepted by them. I totally understand how the OP is thinking