To be really angry with the school and be considering not sending my DCs in for the last 2 days?

[littlewhitehamster]

I have 2 DC, DS who is 8 and in year 3 and DD who is 5 and in year 1.

A new boy started the school about 2 weeks after half term and is in my DDs class. 3 weeks ago my DD said that this boy was 'not being nice to her' when I asked what was going on she said that for the last couple of days he had been saying to her she was his girlfriend and she must play with him and not play with any other boys, apparently DD said she told him she didn't want to be his girlfriend and she just played with her friends as normal resulting in this boy pulling on her hair.

I sent a not in the next day via the office for the class teacher (not very easy to grab a word in the morning) expressing my concern and asked if she could possibly keep an eye out for anything and have a word with the boy in question if needed. At the end of the day when I sent the note in the teacher spoke to me and said that she had not seen anything but assured me she would keep an eye out, she also told my DD to speak to her if anything happened.

Everything was quiet until about 10-12 days ago when again DD told me she was starting to have the same sort of problems with this boy, she had told the class teacher and he had stopped bothering her in class but started bothering her at break and lunch times, insisting she was his girlfriend, lifting her skirt up, kissing her on the cheek. I saw the teacher and the head they assured that staff on playground duty would be made aware and that the boy would be spoken to.

A few days pass with no problem and then yesterday the boy tried to kiss my DD again, she ran away from him and told the playground staff, he left her alone until the whistle was blown, while running to line up DD said he caught her and held her in a hug so she couldn't get away so her could kiss her. I didn't find out until this last night so went and saw the head this morning, was assured that closer observation would be made and the boys mum would be spoken to (not that she strikes me as the kind who would give a shit).

Tonight my DD came out of class and looked upset I asked if she was OK and she started to cry and saying something about this boy at lunch but I couldn't understand through the crying. I said we would find her brother and speak to the teacher/head. My DS came out of his class looking equally upset and when I asked what was wrong her cried too saying he has to stay in at lunch tomorrow.

It turns out that at lunch today this boy was again holding on to my DD and kissing her, when she got away she told the playground staff and was told to try and stay away from him, she tried to stay out of his way but he started to chase her and she again told the playground staff who asked her to point him out and they said go and play we will speak to him (not sure if they did of didn't speak to him). He then chased and caught her with his arms around her and kissed her on the check and then still holding her tried to kiss her lips, at this point my DS saw, ran over and pushed the boy- he fell and grazed his hand. DS took DD to play with him for the few remaining minutes of lunch.

The boy must have informed the playground staff as he now has to miss 15 mins of lunch tomorrow, sit in the class room and write a sorry letter to the boy in question. I told his teacher he would most certainly not be writing a sorry letter to this boy and went to the head, who was busy but will see me in the morning.

I am so angry at the schools failure to deal with this situation and punishing my DS for stopping that the staff should have stopped. I don't want to send my DC in for the last 2 days of term, especially if my DS is going to have to write a sorry letter and this other boy gets away with no punishment for distressing my DD over several weeks.

I have spoken with the head about this before and nothing appears to have been done.. who can I go to to make it stop??

[merrymouse]

I played kiss chase. Groups of boys chasing groups of girls or vice versa and never any kissing. One child targeting another in this way and being so physical is not normal play.

[phantomnamechanger]

my DD was harassed in reception by a group of Y6 girls who thought she was cute and wanted to pick her up and carry her about like a doll. she was always told to stay away from them, when she complained to staff. asking the victim to take avoidance steps is not good - there was a case on here recently of a secondary school where a teenager was just back into school after several threats to rape/indecent texts saying what he wanted to do to girls etc etc which was still being investigated,and the girls were being told to go around in pairs rather than HIM being the one isolated and chaperoned by a teacher. awful attitude from the school.

I do agree the brother does need to take a standard punishment as a junior boy should not shove over an infant, but the apology letter - no. or at least not until your DD has one first!

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Complexnumber - she is being sexually harassed. Just because the perpetrator is young, doesn't mean it isn't happening. He may not understand what he's doing. He may be being abused himself. But the OP's daughter is repeatedly touched and kissed inappropriately - what else would you call it?

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

The school's dealings with the 5 yr old boy is highly likely to be a Child Protection issue - and if it isn't it should be. But, I'm afraid, a lot of schools are notoriously crap at dealing with issues like this. Sorry, but I have experience of this, and a lot of them are.

The fact that a child who is being harassed - in a way that is very upsetting to her- and is told to "stay away from him" by dinner staff who are apparently aware of the problem is appalling. The only person actually looking out for her in break time was her brother.

[phantomnamechanger]

x-posted with all the kiss chase comments. this is SO not kiss chase, am appalled anyone thinks so.

Kiss chase is like 2 colleagues having a mutually agreed/comfortable/ no strings attached kiss under the mistletoe at the office xmas party. the incidents the Op describes are much more like the gropey office perv grabbing someone when they are on their own, snogging them when when they are clearly unwilling - and then claiming it was all a "bit of harmless fun" and she should lighten up.

for those who think its not wrong at 5 - when would it become wrong - if they were 7, 9, 11? appropriate behaviour has to be taught and learned in relation to all manner of social interactions. saying please, taking turns, sharing etc - why should this not be the case here? the boy needs to learn appropriate boundaries now before he starts thinking his behaviour is normal.

[NorthernLebkuchen]

I don't think your son should be punished and I would not accept a punishment for my child in this situation. The child protection concern extends to all three children. This boy is displaying persistent and distressing behaviour. There seems to be an element of controlling in all of this. He hasn't made that up. What is he seeing at home? Your daughter has been harassed and feels no adult present has helped her and your son has seen his sister being harassed, again with no adult helping her. He's 8. The school needs to appreciate his vulnerability as well as that of the other boy involved.
A lot has been said about routes you can follow and I can't better that. What I would say though OP is have confidence in yourself to know what is best for your children. If you do not feel they will be safe and happy at school tomorrow then keep them off until you do feel that.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

I'm with a few of the pp's - it appalls me the lengths people will go to excuse this harassment. Take a look at Everydaysexism.com - this sort of thing happens to women and girls - regardless of age - every day of the week. Every hour of the day. But people will always dismiss it as unimportant.

[thebody]

I am so pleased that the vast majority of posters see this as a serious issue.

When I told my mom that I didn't like the bus driver putting his hand down my pants and tickling me she told me not to be so silly.

It was 1975, please God things have changed since then.

[TheHeadlessLadyofCannock]

magicbiscuits, get a grip.

OP, if that were my child he would write an apology letter over my dead body. I like his proposed alternative

When I was at school about a hundred years ago the response of both my parents and the school to bullying was 'stay away from them' and 'just ignore them'. I didn't understand then, and I still don't now, how you're supposed to do that when peers are approaching and physically hitting/touching/pulling you. It saddens me that this nonsense can still be dished out as a legitimate way of handling bullying and unwanted attention.

Just stay polite but firm with the school and put as much in writing as you can, with dates and descriptions of conversations etc.

[Iris445]

Letter of apology......

I apologies for pushing you whilst you were sexually assaulting my sister. What I should have done was ring the police to deal with you and the schools complete incompetence.
My mother will now contact the police to deal with this matter before you grow up to be a rapist problem to women.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

thebody

I'm so sorry this happened to you :(

Goes to show that it's important to tackle this behaviour and not to dismiss it because they are only 5/7/10 etc. You just cannot go through life thinking it's ok to do that kind of thing. Whether harm was meant or not it's vital we teach from the beginning that it will not be tolerated. If I found out my dd had been pulling boys trousers down if have supported the school with the ton of bricks coming down on her!!

[Frigintinsella]

I agree OP's DD is being sexually harassed regardless of how old the boy is, it doesn't make him a horrible child, he obviously has issues that the school need to play their part in investigating!

Your DS should be proud of himself for protecting his sister OP!

Your evening sounds lovely, hope you can all push whats happened out of your head for tonight and enjoy it. good luck for tomorrow!

[mellicauli]

I would wonder why he left his last school. You might want to ask around.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

The school have not only let down your DC but they are failing this little boy too. His behaviour isn't normal and should be triggered some sort of investigation. Obviously the OP won't know if there is or isn't an investigation going on but if there were, surely they'd be keeping a closer eye on this little boy? Sad, for all concerned!

[pigletmania]

Magic what planet are you on! This by s arassing her, grabbing op dd, lifting up her skirt, trying to,kiss her on the lips on a regular basis. Totally unacceptable, would you put up sith that magic! Just because dd is a child, des not mean she has to.

[elliejjtiny]

Your poor DD. I have a 7 year old and a 5 year old and my DS1 would have done the same thing to protect his brother.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

i would wonder why he left his last school. You might want to ask around

No she really shouldn't. Gossip is just that. Gossip. And the school hopefully know all about what's going on and after op has finished with them they may well get the kick up the arse to deal with it properly.

Her concern is her dd and Ds who have been treated unfairly and punished wrongly!!

I wish op all the best to get through to the lazy arses running the school and hope that they see they have a problem they need to address. And a child possibly at risk!!

They also need to explain how they plan to keep the dd safe where it's not her responsibility to just "keep away"

[TheHeadlessLadyofCannock]

melli, the OP might just hear unfounded rumours/untruths that way or start (unwittingly) rumours and suspicion. No need to dig into his past, I don't think; the present issue needs to be flagged by the OP and dealt with by the school/the boy's parents/Child Protection if necessary.

[youarewinning]

I'd be telling HT first thing if they won't discuss the safeguarding issue I'm sure OFSTED will.

Your DS shouldn't have pushed but in the real world if they were 10/15+ years older your DS wouldn't get punished for rescuing someone on that situation as it would be deemed as saving someone from sexual assault.

[AnAdventureInCakeAndWine]

You could also tell the school that you assume that there is a backlog in the apology-letter-writing as your DD hasn't yet received any of the four separate letters you are sure this boy would be writing; once you get those you'll know they've caught up and your DS will attend the session to write a letter acknowledging that he shouldn't really take the law into his own hands when he sees someone assaulting his sister...

[Wingdingdong]

magic, have you noticed that you're in a minority of one? Think you should be "getting a grip". If you think that a situation where one child is being persistently physically harassed and upset by another child (may not be intentional sexual harassment but it is, by any definition, bullying) is harmless, I sincerely hope that you are not involved in the care of children in any way.

[saggybaps]

Want to add, your DS did a good thing & you should be proud. I certainly would of my son if my daughter was repeatedly getting harassed & no one in authority was helping her.

I'm outraged at the schools lack of intervention & would certainly be kicking up a stink with all & sundry.

I don't think I'd keep them off though, I'd be in speaking to the headmaster and making sure DS wasn't punished at lunch.

[magicbiscuits]

I just find it really sad that so many posters are so quick to label this 5 year old child as some kind of pervert, when we can't possibly know the whole story nor the motivations behind this "harassment".

OP just needs to have a word with the Head - no need for all this hysteria

[shoom]

Apologies if I've missed parts, but is the 5yo boy to write a sorry letter to your daughter? Not that this would be a resolution, but it shows a worrying double standard.

I agree with the pp and your post saying the children don't return to class until you've spoken to the head and had some sort of reassuring discussion. Hopefully the head doesn't realise what happened today and won't need convincing that it was handled really badly.

I'd turn up with a letter documenting all the events so far and a few choice phrases like "failure to safeguard" to ensure the head knows you mean business and won't be fobbed off with more nonsense about how it'll be different from now.

[MyMILisfromHELL]

I would phone Social Services re the boy in question. Where is he getting his aggressive sexual behaviour from? Is he witnessing it at home or himself being sexually abused?

Your dc's school sound useless! I'd be fucking furious if it were my dd/ds.