To be really angry with the school and be considering not sending my DCs in for the last 2 days?

[littlewhitehamster]

I have 2 DC, DS who is 8 and in year 3 and DD who is 5 and in year 1.

A new boy started the school about 2 weeks after half term and is in my DDs class. 3 weeks ago my DD said that this boy was 'not being nice to her' when I asked what was going on she said that for the last couple of days he had been saying to her she was his girlfriend and she must play with him and not play with any other boys, apparently DD said she told him she didn't want to be his girlfriend and she just played with her friends as normal resulting in this boy pulling on her hair.

I sent a not in the next day via the office for the class teacher (not very easy to grab a word in the morning) expressing my concern and asked if she could possibly keep an eye out for anything and have a word with the boy in question if needed. At the end of the day when I sent the note in the teacher spoke to me and said that she had not seen anything but assured me she would keep an eye out, she also told my DD to speak to her if anything happened.

Everything was quiet until about 10-12 days ago when again DD told me she was starting to have the same sort of problems with this boy, she had told the class teacher and he had stopped bothering her in class but started bothering her at break and lunch times, insisting she was his girlfriend, lifting her skirt up, kissing her on the cheek. I saw the teacher and the head they assured that staff on playground duty would be made aware and that the boy would be spoken to.

A few days pass with no problem and then yesterday the boy tried to kiss my DD again, she ran away from him and told the playground staff, he left her alone until the whistle was blown, while running to line up DD said he caught her and held her in a hug so she couldn't get away so her could kiss her. I didn't find out until this last night so went and saw the head this morning, was assured that closer observation would be made and the boys mum would be spoken to (not that she strikes me as the kind who would give a shit).

Tonight my DD came out of class and looked upset I asked if she was OK and she started to cry and saying something about this boy at lunch but I couldn't understand through the crying. I said we would find her brother and speak to the teacher/head. My DS came out of his class looking equally upset and when I asked what was wrong her cried too saying he has to stay in at lunch tomorrow.

It turns out that at lunch today this boy was again holding on to my DD and kissing her, when she got away she told the playground staff and was told to try and stay away from him, she tried to stay out of his way but he started to chase her and she again told the playground staff who asked her to point him out and they said go and play we will speak to him (not sure if they did of didn't speak to him). He then chased and caught her with his arms around her and kissed her on the check and then still holding her tried to kiss her lips, at this point my DS saw, ran over and pushed the boy- he fell and grazed his hand. DS took DD to play with him for the few remaining minutes of lunch.

The boy must have informed the playground staff as he now has to miss 15 mins of lunch tomorrow, sit in the class room and write a sorry letter to the boy in question. I told his teacher he would most certainly not be writing a sorry letter to this boy and went to the head, who was busy but will see me in the morning.

I am so angry at the schools failure to deal with this situation and punishing my DS for stopping that the staff should have stopped. I don't want to send my DC in for the last 2 days of term, especially if my DS is going to have to write a sorry letter and this other boy gets away with no punishment for distressing my DD over several weeks.

I have spoken with the head about this before and nothing appears to have been done.. who can I go to to make it stop??

[lunar1]

I was just wondering how things are going now that they are back?

[Viviennemary]

It sounds as if the school is not in control of this situation and is not dealing with it. Your son is being punished for protecting his sister. It's a difficult one. I'd be seriously thinking about changing schools or making a complaint to the governors or LA about the lack of action by the school.

[hackneybird]

No it hasn't affected me negatively, but I suppose it was an unwanted early insight into how unfair sexual politics are in our society. Much worse then than now- this would have been 82/83 I think.

From time to time I just brew at the injustice of it! I hope I can bring up my son to treat women properly.

[NadiaWadia]

So sorry hackney what an idiotic and unpleasant man (the teacher - now Head). Hope the incident hasn't affected you too much in your life.

[Dubjackeen]

OP, well done on your dealings with the HT. No experience to add, but I definitely wouldn't have been half as well able to articulate the points you made. Hopefully the school, and all relevant authorities are forced to sit up, take notice, and take action. Well done to your children, I applaud your little boy for defending his little sister, and am appalled at the school's handling of the situation.
Hope that your little girl, and all of you have a lovely Christmas, and that things are sorted ASAP.

[hackneybird]

Nadia no I never told anyone else. I can't remember why, perhaps I thought my parents wouldn't believe me either?

Well done OP. I really hope it gets resolved in the New Year.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I am so sorry for everyone who has been so badly let down by bloody idiots who have no clue.

The term kiddy fiddler just shows that people have no idea what being assaulted can do to a person for the whole of the rest of their lives.

[helenthemadex]

well done OP I hope this is resolved quickly after the holidays, and you and your dc have a lovely Christmas break

[GrumpyRedhead]

Just wanted to add my voice to the choir of people saying well done, OP!

If I had been in your position, I would've gone into that meeting with the HT, got so angry I cried, then forgot 90% of what I had wanted to say! So well done :)

[Pimpf]

Well done op, don't let them sweep it under the carpet. As has been said before, they were quite happy to quickly punish your son, but not the other boy, who is the real problem here.

They could very easily have put a stop to this weeks ago but chose to ignore it.

[NadiaWadia]

That's awful, hackney. Did you tell your parents?

[hackneybird]

'boys in my class'.

[hackneybird]

When I was in junior school some boys into class held me gown and tried to pull down my knickers. I was horrified and upset and ran to tell the teacher. He said I'd been egging them on.

I was only about 9. What did I know about 'egging boys on?'. They were just boys in my class that I played 'It' with in the playground sometimes. I never mentioned it again or to anyone else, but I've never forgotten it.

That teacher is the Headmaster at the school now.

[PointyChristmasFairyWand]

Perfectly put, toffee.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

OP Perfecting parenting in action here.

To those of you minimising what is happening to the OP's daughter you clearly have been very fortunate in your life never to have been assaulted as a child or had any experience of knowing someone who has. Things like that stay with you forever.

The OP's daughter has been assaulted. The fact it is by a 5 year old does not make it any better.

The 5 year old boy is clearly not being parented sufficiently.

The head teacher is a twat and a spineless one at that who is clearly intimidated by the parents.

1 in 20 people will be sexually assaulted as a child or young teen/adult. That is far too high and people need to fight against all the shit going on in the world which allows a person to assault another without caring or knowing it is wrong. Teenagers are assaulting small children, it is all too horrific for words.

[Defnotsupergirl]

In my reception year in 1980 I had a boy that would continually bother me like this, holding me down trying to kiss me and trying to touch me, stroking my hair, telling me I looked like an angel and stopping other children from playing with me. Yes, he was only 5 too but I was a very small 5 year old so he could hang on to me just about as much as he wanted. I complained to Mum who complained to the school. Back then the school treated it as a bit of a joke I think, or something cute.
Even now I can only tolerate my DH hugging me, get claustrophobic if anyone enters my space even with the best of intentions. I panic if I'm in a situation where people are all around me and used to have bad dreams about being held down until I was a teenager. I suppose most people would consider me standoffish because I back away if someone comes too close.
Give your DS a pat on the back OP, it isn't nice being held captive like that and feeling powerless while someone gets off on your discomfort no matter what age you and they are. He saw his DS in need and went to help her, just point out that first port of call is to check if there is an adult to sort it out if not, then his DS is being attacked and it warrants immediate action.
Give the school hell for not protecting your DD properly. These things can be far reaching.

[GingerbreadGillian]

OP I hope this works out for your DD, I would be so furious with the school in your situation that I doubt I would handle it as well as you have.

You should be so proud of your son, well done to him for looking after your DD. I know that pushing and shoving is the wrong, but in some circumstances the wrong thing is the right thing. He saw his sister being hurt and acted.

When I was in infant school I was bullied and the teachers did nothing, my parents complained and wrote letters and met with the head but they still did nothing. One day my brother saw me being hit and pushed, crying in the infants playground. He saw the dinner ladies doing nothing to stop it so he hopped over the fence dividing the infants from the juniors yards and walloped my bully. I love my big brother

[pigletmania]

Good op, your spot on! I hope you get te results tat you need, unfortunately not everyone I as with it as you!

[DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts]

I know the most wonderful lady who I am proud to call a friend, and she gave me some truly practical advice:

When you meet someone who's only wish is to take the course of least resistance, don't get upset about it, just apply the right amount of pressure to ensure your way is not that course.

It really helped me to stop engaging in trying to reason with some people, or get people to do 'the right thing', as it never seemed to work anyway. I see it as trying to change the course of a huge and fast flowing river, it's about making your way the easiest way for the water to flow. Cynical, maybe a little, but very helpful!

and it seems like you are doing exactly that, letting your dd get terrorised and a boy stay unprotected in a lotentially sbusive situation... Well you are making thathens less easy course of action. Well done.

[NorthernLebkuchen]

Bravo OP - a very sensible and comprehensive response from you that seeks to protect and help ALL the kids involved. You've done well.

[poppy1973]

My eldest child would have done exactly the same if this had happened to their little sister too.

Hope your son didn't get into too much trouble pushing the boy back. Was he made to write the 'sorry letter' ? or was the punishment of just staying in enough.

Big brothers will often look after their younger siblings in school, and if this other boy was harras
sing your daughter, I don't blame the older brother for looking after his sister !! It is such a shame that the school didn't do anything !!!

[AnyBagsofOxfordFuckers]

Great stuff, OP, I hope things resolve for your DD as soon as poss, and I also hope the little boy gets some attention, as I feel that his behaviour must stem from some sort of issue at home.

Barbarian, I wasn't holding the boy up to adult standards, or saying that he behaviour mirrored adult male bad behaviour, I was talking about how things like this being handled badly by adults when people are children is what can lead them to have problems with boundaries and how people treat them when they become adults.

[poppy1973]

Hi, just been reading this thread.

The HT sounds like a real drip, obviously afraid to make a stand against the other family involved. Unfortunately some HT's like to bury their heads in the sand and pretend nothing is happening in their school rather than deal with the issues.

Apart from what you have done, you should also email the Chair of Governors as well with the information - they need to be included as they can also tell the HT what they should be doing.

The schools knows what is happening and the HT rightly should be dealing with the boy and the boys family. It is making your daughter uncomfortable and unhappy.

The child involved should be taken out of the situation i.e. if this is happening at break/lunch times then the child should be removed to a different area of the playground. If this happened in my partners school then the child would be sent to the HT office to be spoken to, if it continued to happen then the parents of the child would be invited into a meeting with the HT. If this didn't resolve the situation then the HT would have to decide what they should do with the situation.

Hope things get sorted soon for you and your daughter.

My eldest child would have done exactly the same if this had happened to their little sister too.

[TwerkywithalltheTwimmings]

heartbrokenmum that is just awful - I am so glad that at least in your case the HT responded effectively.
I have a DD of almost 6 (yr1) and I don't even want to imagine anything like that happening to her. Your poor baby
You sound like a very reasonable and kind person though - to be concerned for the child perpetrators - I agree with you, but I must admit it made me skin crawl to read they were only 6...tragic.
I hope your DD has managed to put this behind her and happy Christmas to you and your family