To be really angry with the school and be considering not sending my DCs in for the last 2 days?

[littlewhitehamster]

I have 2 DC, DS who is 8 and in year 3 and DD who is 5 and in year 1.

A new boy started the school about 2 weeks after half term and is in my DDs class. 3 weeks ago my DD said that this boy was 'not being nice to her' when I asked what was going on she said that for the last couple of days he had been saying to her she was his girlfriend and she must play with him and not play with any other boys, apparently DD said she told him she didn't want to be his girlfriend and she just played with her friends as normal resulting in this boy pulling on her hair.

I sent a not in the next day via the office for the class teacher (not very easy to grab a word in the morning) expressing my concern and asked if she could possibly keep an eye out for anything and have a word with the boy in question if needed. At the end of the day when I sent the note in the teacher spoke to me and said that she had not seen anything but assured me she would keep an eye out, she also told my DD to speak to her if anything happened.

Everything was quiet until about 10-12 days ago when again DD told me she was starting to have the same sort of problems with this boy, she had told the class teacher and he had stopped bothering her in class but started bothering her at break and lunch times, insisting she was his girlfriend, lifting her skirt up, kissing her on the cheek. I saw the teacher and the head they assured that staff on playground duty would be made aware and that the boy would be spoken to.

A few days pass with no problem and then yesterday the boy tried to kiss my DD again, she ran away from him and told the playground staff, he left her alone until the whistle was blown, while running to line up DD said he caught her and held her in a hug so she couldn't get away so her could kiss her. I didn't find out until this last night so went and saw the head this morning, was assured that closer observation would be made and the boys mum would be spoken to (not that she strikes me as the kind who would give a shit).

Tonight my DD came out of class and looked upset I asked if she was OK and she started to cry and saying something about this boy at lunch but I couldn't understand through the crying. I said we would find her brother and speak to the teacher/head. My DS came out of his class looking equally upset and when I asked what was wrong her cried too saying he has to stay in at lunch tomorrow.

It turns out that at lunch today this boy was again holding on to my DD and kissing her, when she got away she told the playground staff and was told to try and stay away from him, she tried to stay out of his way but he started to chase her and she again told the playground staff who asked her to point him out and they said go and play we will speak to him (not sure if they did of didn't speak to him). He then chased and caught her with his arms around her and kissed her on the check and then still holding her tried to kiss her lips, at this point my DS saw, ran over and pushed the boy- he fell and grazed his hand. DS took DD to play with him for the few remaining minutes of lunch.

The boy must have informed the playground staff as he now has to miss 15 mins of lunch tomorrow, sit in the class room and write a sorry letter to the boy in question. I told his teacher he would most certainly not be writing a sorry letter to this boy and went to the head, who was busy but will see me in the morning.

I am so angry at the schools failure to deal with this situation and punishing my DS for stopping that the staff should have stopped. I don't want to send my DC in for the last 2 days of term, especially if my DS is going to have to write a sorry letter and this other boy gets away with no punishment for distressing my DD over several weeks.

I have spoken with the head about this before and nothing appears to have been done.. who can I go to to make it stop??

[Wingdingdong]

I wouldn't keep your DD off if there's anything exciting going on - it wouldn't be fair to make her miss a Christmas party.

However, if they were my DC, there's no way on earth the DS would be writing an apology to anyone at all until my DD had received a letter of apology from the boy and I'd received a letter of apology AND explanation from the Head.

I'd also be threatening to call in OFSTED unless they can come up with an appropriate safeguarding procedure within the next 48hrs.

Why did this boy join halfway through? Has he been asked to leave somewhere else, at the tender age of 5?

[LondonNinja]

Your son sounds great.

The school are shit. Talk about priorities?!

Yes - great idea re involving the council. Definitely weird behaviour for a child to be displaying. That boy needs some intervention.

Best of luck.

[TheCrackFox]

I would send them but speak to the HT first thing tomorrow.

But the only way I would allow my son to write a letter would be after receiving a letter from the 5yr old boy apologising for his behaviour first.

[Josie314]

I also do not think your DS should be punished at all. He rescued his sister, probably using minimal force, as the smaller boy only "grazed his hand". Also, it could have taken several minutes to get an adult to help (given they clearly weren't paying attentions). Why should you DD have to be assaulted that much longer?

[sashh]

So when are the teachers and break supervisors going to write letters of apology to your daughter?

[homeworkmakesmemad]

Hope the DVD and chocs cheer you all up hamster - you deserve it

[TwllBach]

Speaking as a teacher, I would definitely be using the words 'failing to safeguard my child' often and repeatedly. If nothing else will spur the school to act, those words will.

[magicbiscuits]

Oh for goodness' sake!!

It's nothing more than kiss-chase which has been going on harmlessly for centuries. Total overreaction OP.

[thebody]

complexnumber no one is labelling this boy as a sexual abuser here. But he may be a victim. Children displaying sexualised behaviour can have witnessed sexual acts/ porn: been abused.

To ignore this is just as disgraceful and a failure of care as ignoring the ops dds distress.

Abused children are not always the silent, passive beings displayed on TV adverts.

[Anniegetyourgun]

They are also letting the 5-year-old boy down by failing to teach him that bullying behaviour is not acceptable. That child will be growing up in the big bad world where people get arrested at best, potentially stabbed at worst, not merely pushed, for behaviour like this. He is being done no favours at all if it is not nipped in the bud at as early a stage as possible.

That's a secondary consideration, of course, to a small girl being repeatedly terrorised in the playground. Am so at her being told to run along and keep away from the boy who wouldn't keep away from her!

[thebody]

magic I hope you are not in any way responsible for the care of young children.

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

They told his parents. Right.

WHERE DO THEY FUCKING THINK HE'S GETTING THIS FROM?

[ChuckitintheBucket]

Kiss chase!!! Heard it all now!

[magicbiscuits]

Ridiculous. Have you never caught your DCs trying to kiss other children? Of course it's not "sexualised" at that age, it's just their copying behaviour.

[Jinty64]

I agree with Nannyogg your ds did nothing wrong. I would keep them off until you have spoken to the head and sorted out a way to keep her safe that is acceptable to you all.

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

Kiss chase?

She's coming home crying ffs! If you were coming home crying because of someone lifting your skirt up would you want something done? Thought so.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Yes, that's right, magicbiscuits. You just go ahead and excuse/minimise harassment of another child when it's been made clear that the other child isn't happy with it.

Kiss chase my arse. Girls have been harassed for centuries more like, and then told to shut up about it.

[Tanith]

It sounds to me as though the school have been doing something if there have been periods of calm with no incidents. If they had done nothing, there would be no respite.

The Op won't have been kept informed, especially if, as I suspect, there is a child protection issue - this boy's behaviour is unusual and I would be very concerned.

It may be that the school have asked the older boy to write his apology in order to model correct behaviour.

It's horrible for your daughter, Op, and I do agree that the school must find a way of protecting her, but this little boy is only 5 and, if this is learned behaviour, he will find it very hard to unlearn it.

I would expect the school to address your daughter's protection with you but not to either discuss with you or inform you of action regarding this boy.

[ProfessorSong]

So magicbiscuits if you were in work and a male colleague was continually lifting up your skirt, holding you in an embrace so you couldn't get away, forcibly kissing you, and pulling your hair, you'd be fine with that would you? Is that normal behaviour?

[InTheSpirit]

YANBU in the slightest.

Your DS should definitly not write the letter and I agree with many of the others on "grazed hand" being a result of "DS using the minimal force" to stop his sister from being hassled by this boy who is clearly not being dealt with properly for his behavior towards your daughter. Like you said the parents looked like they wouldn't have cared, so it is obvious that if the boy is being dealt with at school, that same message is not being delivered at home by his parents.

That this has been going on for months and the school has been aware of it and have done pretty much fuck all nothing about it is awful, and I am on your behalf for the amount of distress this has no doubt caused the three of you.

I would send DD in, just in case the school has a party, would be a shame for her to miss out, I think. But on the other hand, if you think it is better for them to keep them off then you should follow your gut and keep them off, do what you think is best for your DC's, after all most schools are winding down now as far as work goes and it is more about chilled out crafty activities (well, I've found that with my school), so they wouldn't really be missing much.

Best of luck with the HT and council. Hope this all gets cleared up!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

It absurdly appals me on year threads just what te fuck kids are meant to put up with. No means no at two at five and at fricking fifty.

Do not minimise behaviour that's scaring the crap out if kids just because of age. It needs dealing with!!

The boy needs teaching it's not acceptable and it's upsetting at best and bloody inappropriate at worst.

And the poor dd. Why is no one stopping her from being "kids chased " and clearly hating every second.

Ffs

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Absolutely

Kiss chased

[merrymouse]

I think you might be right tanith, but giving responsibility to op's dd to avoid behaviour rather than actively preventing it e.g very tight supervision of the boy seems a very slapdash way of managing the situation and really led to the ds' action.

[YouTheCat]

Kiss chase is a reciprocal game and is fine.

This girl was not playing kiss chase and had asked the boy to repeatedly leave her alone, over many weeks.

His behaviour needs checking.