To be really angry with the school and be considering not sending my DCs in for the last 2 days?

[littlewhitehamster]

I have 2 DC, DS who is 8 and in year 3 and DD who is 5 and in year 1.

A new boy started the school about 2 weeks after half term and is in my DDs class. 3 weeks ago my DD said that this boy was 'not being nice to her' when I asked what was going on she said that for the last couple of days he had been saying to her she was his girlfriend and she must play with him and not play with any other boys, apparently DD said she told him she didn't want to be his girlfriend and she just played with her friends as normal resulting in this boy pulling on her hair.

I sent a not in the next day via the office for the class teacher (not very easy to grab a word in the morning) expressing my concern and asked if she could possibly keep an eye out for anything and have a word with the boy in question if needed. At the end of the day when I sent the note in the teacher spoke to me and said that she had not seen anything but assured me she would keep an eye out, she also told my DD to speak to her if anything happened.

Everything was quiet until about 10-12 days ago when again DD told me she was starting to have the same sort of problems with this boy, she had told the class teacher and he had stopped bothering her in class but started bothering her at break and lunch times, insisting she was his girlfriend, lifting her skirt up, kissing her on the cheek. I saw the teacher and the head they assured that staff on playground duty would be made aware and that the boy would be spoken to.

A few days pass with no problem and then yesterday the boy tried to kiss my DD again, she ran away from him and told the playground staff, he left her alone until the whistle was blown, while running to line up DD said he caught her and held her in a hug so she couldn't get away so her could kiss her. I didn't find out until this last night so went and saw the head this morning, was assured that closer observation would be made and the boys mum would be spoken to (not that she strikes me as the kind who would give a shit).

Tonight my DD came out of class and looked upset I asked if she was OK and she started to cry and saying something about this boy at lunch but I couldn't understand through the crying. I said we would find her brother and speak to the teacher/head. My DS came out of his class looking equally upset and when I asked what was wrong her cried too saying he has to stay in at lunch tomorrow.

It turns out that at lunch today this boy was again holding on to my DD and kissing her, when she got away she told the playground staff and was told to try and stay away from him, she tried to stay out of his way but he started to chase her and she again told the playground staff who asked her to point him out and they said go and play we will speak to him (not sure if they did of didn't speak to him). He then chased and caught her with his arms around her and kissed her on the check and then still holding her tried to kiss her lips, at this point my DS saw, ran over and pushed the boy- he fell and grazed his hand. DS took DD to play with him for the few remaining minutes of lunch.

The boy must have informed the playground staff as he now has to miss 15 mins of lunch tomorrow, sit in the class room and write a sorry letter to the boy in question. I told his teacher he would most certainly not be writing a sorry letter to this boy and went to the head, who was busy but will see me in the morning.

I am so angry at the schools failure to deal with this situation and punishing my DS for stopping that the staff should have stopped. I don't want to send my DC in for the last 2 days of term, especially if my DS is going to have to write a sorry letter and this other boy gets away with no punishment for distressing my DD over several weeks.

I have spoken with the head about this before and nothing appears to have been done.. who can I go to to make it stop??

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I wish you luck hamster sounds an awful situation. I do hope your dd is ok. And I hope your Ds is not too upset either. No one condones violence but no one else was helping her and he did a good thing defending his little sister.

[Moreisnnogedag]

A letter of apology?! They can go jump for that!

I think I would follow whensarah's advice. At the moment the playground supervisors' advice is about placing the onus on your dd to avoid the boy, rather than directly sorting the issue with the boy. Because of course as a girl she should modify her behaviour rather than he should.

But part of me worries about the boy. Sexualised behaviour is not usual in children and it should be looked into.

[TwerkywithalltheTwimmings]

OP that is awful and I really feel for you all. There have been some wonderfully supportive and useful bits of advice already

[SayMyNameSayIt]

Ask them if they are a Rights Respecting School or working towards it. (If they're not, why not?)

Ask to see their class charter, playground charter, school charter.

I said to stay off as that way, it would ensure that your DS would not be kept in or sat and made to write a letter. However, someone did point out that the last couple of days are fun and to let them go in.

I was thinking from my own point of view that the last few days are stressful for teachers; children are excited. It can be hard to keep them settled, it can be a bit fraught if they are doing a Carol service or anything. (Not moaning here at all, just saying.) I think what I meant was, keep them off if YOU want and they want to.

I know my own two would be delighted to get staying off the last couple of days, they wouldn't be bothered at all about missing anything except possibly a party.

You can have a lovely special time at home with them, if you're at home. And I still don't think your DS did anything wrong, he defended his sister the only way he could see how; to get the boy off her. Too bad if the boy got hurt!!!!
Maybe he'll think twice in future. Not very PC but I don't care.

If it were my children, I'd say good for you. And if, God forbid, if one of mine had been doing the harassing or bullying and got a shove in the process, I'd say, tough. That's what you get. Now you'll think twice before doing THAT again.

My DC are 5 and 6.

[merrymouse]

This all seems very odd. I agree with everybody else that I can understand a school making the point that you shouldn't push people, but a letter seems very out of place. Where are all your daughter's letters? It almost seems as though they are trying to punish the easier child, but don't quite know how to handle the strange behaviour of the 5 year old so are doing nothing.

It sounds as though this 5 year old needs 1-1 supervision in the playground.

[AuntieStella]

I think you need to write to the school (and everything needs to e in writting from this point onwards) accepting that your DS should not have acted as he did towards a younger pupil, but you would like the school to be fully aware of the provocation he was under (reference dates of conversations about the incidents involving DD plus anything in writing).

Remind them the this was out if character for him, and it would not have occurred had DD nt been subjected to repeated harassment.

And the he root cause is the harassment of DD, and what further measures to protect her from is misbehaviour wil, they be putting in place.

Get DS to write an adequate apology, though, on the basis at you are the reasonable family here. (But I wouldn't blame you/him if a bit of PA "after my sister was grabbed yet again against her will, I saw red" crept in).

[higgle]

If a woman was being sexually assaulted in the adult world and another adult stepped in and pushed over her assailant this would be viewed as acting in the defece of another and applauded. Same situation here, you have a lovely caring son, OP and I would be reporting the whole situation to the governors and the assailant to social services for action.

[blueballoon79]

Reading about this situation makes me so angry.

I don't believe your son should be punished for pushing the boy never mind writing the bloody letter!

If someone was attacking my sister physically then I as an adult would be physical back.

Nobody has protected your daughter at school apart from your son, so why are the school now punishing him.

It's crazy.

I'd speak to the head and explain the situation and let them know that under no circumstances would I be allowing my son to be punished for protecting his sister from an assault.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

This has made me very angry. I can't say much more than that at the moment - but if it was my dc they would not be going to school tomorrow, and my son would never be writing a letter of apology to that boy.

What sort of a lesson is that? Don't stick up for someone being (sexually) harrassed? Even when it's your own sister?

I really dread to consider why this boy is behaving in this way - that is not normal for 5 year olds.

[Nanny0gg]

I'm going to disagree here.

I don't think your son should be punished. Did he actually push the boy over, or did he just try and get him off his sister and as a by-product of this, the boy fell?

I think the school hasn't just handled this badly, they haven't handled this at all. This lad clearly has difficulties which aren't being addressed and your DD is bearing the brunt. There is no reason at all, however busy the playground (and I've done more than my fair share of playground duties!), that he couldn't be kept away from your DD. It shouldn't be down to her to avoid him.

There are clearly child protection and safeguarding issues going on here so I would be asking for an urgent appointment with the HT to address them.

Your son deserves a pat on the back, your daughter deserves to be safe and that poor lad needs to be checked up on (and not just by 'having a word with his mum'!)

[littlewhitehamster]

The boys parents were told after the 2nd time I spoke to the teacher, it was then quiet for a few days and started again. The impression I get of the parents that they wouldn't give a shit.

Will definitely be contacting the council for support and advice tomorrow regardless of what happens.

I will be sending my son in tomorrow, however I will make it clear he will not be writing an apology letter, and tell him if he is told told do so for some reason he is to write what he said to me before (as I posted previously) but get him to drop the last sentence!

I will consider sending my daughter in depending on what is discussed and how the school will ensure her safety with out making it up to her to stay away/stay in/with teacher at play time.

Both Dc are quiet tonight , have got out tin of chocs saved for xmas and we are going to watch despicable me 2 now in my bed, in our pjs, hopefully we will all fall asleep there!

[thebody]

Well done op. nannyogg spot on.

I sense the wholesale anger on here perhaps stems from some of us being harassed/assaulted/raped in the past and blamed ourselves or weren't believed or told that it 'was all in fun and don't be silly'

This is NOT 1976 anymore and schools need to remember that.

[Bunbaker]

It might be a good idea to write to the headteacher and send a copy to the chair of governors - governor details should be on the school's website. The school are failing to safeguard your daughter.

[Bunbaker]

Excellent post nannyogg

[littlewhitehamster]

And yes I agree that yes I am very angry about the treatment of my children and something needs to be done to protect my DD but a 5yo boy surely cannot be behaving this way of his own accord he may be modelling behaviour from somewhere and this needs to be addressed in someway.

Thanks for the advice, will pop back when I have seen the head as I want to re read some of the posts where people have told me where I should also seek help/report and I may need some more advice.

Am off to allow the minions, and a large quantity of chocolate , cheer us all up!

x

[ChuckitintheBucket]

Agree with everyone else saying keep them off school. I did this with my son when he was being bullied and the school was not handling it satisfactorily. I emailed the HT outlinig everything that happened and quoted key points from their bullying policy. I made it clear that my son would NOT be returning to school until I felt the matter had been dealt with appropriatly.
They soon jumped into action and it was sorted.

I really do think that there is no need for your son to be punished AT ALL. This may not go down well with some people but he should be applauded for dealing with your daughters bully when the people who should have been could not or would not.

Good luck OP and stick to your guns.

[Goldmandra]

I would tell the school very clearly that your DS is not to write a letter accepting responsibility for the incident. You really don't want this child taking a letter home (or even having the child telling his parents about it) that basically says that your DS is in the wrong. It sends completely the wrong message about this incident to all concerned.

Your DS's intentions were to rescue his sister, not to hurt the other child. The injury sounds incidental. Unless this is regular behaviour from him, they should impose the minimum sanction, i.e. missed playtime, then let it go. He doesn't need it hammered home.

It perfectly reasonable to expect your DD to have full access to the school environment, including playground time without worrying about being grabbed again. The school has a responsibility to supervise the boy concerned sufficiently well to make sure this happens. Where and how they supervise him is between the school and his parents. It is not your problem.

[pigletmania]

Yanbu at all, if the school were doing theirs job properly and protecting your dd from being harrassed and assaulted by this boy, than the pushing incident would nt ave happened. Yes ds should be punished fr pushing, but being made to write a sorry letter to the boy, Noway! The boy should writ a sorry letter to your dd, I would want a editing with te HT, and the LEA if it continues., as adults we would not put up with ths behaviour and the police would b involved, so why should children! Not tat police should be involved here, it's a bit heavy handed, but the school are not adequately protecting your dd.

[pigletmania]

Good idea chuck, you need to approach it from that angle

[complexnumber]

your DD is being sexually harassed

I would find it hard to accuse a 5 y/o boy of sexual harassment.

His behaviour is definitely unacceptable and needs addressing, but please lets not label infant boys.

[asmallandnoisymonkey]

Actually I agree with Goldmandra in that the injury was clearly an accident.
He saw his sister being harrassed/assaulted and removed the boy from the situation. He didn't kick him while he was down or punch him or any other violent action - he used minimum reasonable force to help his sister avoid another nasty confrontation and if he were an adult would have been praised for using restraint.

Sounds like a decent lad to me.

[Poppy67]

Your DS is a nice kid and should not under any circumstances write a letter at all. The school should start dealing with this now. I would tell head that your DS is not to write a letter at all.

[Boaty]

Ok they are 5 but it is not appropriate behaviour and an 8 year old will of course defend a little sister.I would be more concerned if he hadn't.
My son would be writing a letter alright but it would state that' if you touch my sister again I will flatten you, I hope I make myself clear!

[Wantsunshine]

Your son did the right thing and should not be punished!

Ha ha this boy really sounds like the type that could read what your 8 year old writes.

[sanityisamyth]

Why did the boy start at a new school mid-way through the year? Relocation or a track record?