To be really angry with the school and be considering not sending my DCs in for the last 2 days?

[littlewhitehamster]

I have 2 DC, DS who is 8 and in year 3 and DD who is 5 and in year 1.

A new boy started the school about 2 weeks after half term and is in my DDs class. 3 weeks ago my DD said that this boy was 'not being nice to her' when I asked what was going on she said that for the last couple of days he had been saying to her she was his girlfriend and she must play with him and not play with any other boys, apparently DD said she told him she didn't want to be his girlfriend and she just played with her friends as normal resulting in this boy pulling on her hair.

I sent a not in the next day via the office for the class teacher (not very easy to grab a word in the morning) expressing my concern and asked if she could possibly keep an eye out for anything and have a word with the boy in question if needed. At the end of the day when I sent the note in the teacher spoke to me and said that she had not seen anything but assured me she would keep an eye out, she also told my DD to speak to her if anything happened.

Everything was quiet until about 10-12 days ago when again DD told me she was starting to have the same sort of problems with this boy, she had told the class teacher and he had stopped bothering her in class but started bothering her at break and lunch times, insisting she was his girlfriend, lifting her skirt up, kissing her on the cheek. I saw the teacher and the head they assured that staff on playground duty would be made aware and that the boy would be spoken to.

A few days pass with no problem and then yesterday the boy tried to kiss my DD again, she ran away from him and told the playground staff, he left her alone until the whistle was blown, while running to line up DD said he caught her and held her in a hug so she couldn't get away so her could kiss her. I didn't find out until this last night so went and saw the head this morning, was assured that closer observation would be made and the boys mum would be spoken to (not that she strikes me as the kind who would give a shit).

Tonight my DD came out of class and looked upset I asked if she was OK and she started to cry and saying something about this boy at lunch but I couldn't understand through the crying. I said we would find her brother and speak to the teacher/head. My DS came out of his class looking equally upset and when I asked what was wrong her cried too saying he has to stay in at lunch tomorrow.

It turns out that at lunch today this boy was again holding on to my DD and kissing her, when she got away she told the playground staff and was told to try and stay away from him, she tried to stay out of his way but he started to chase her and she again told the playground staff who asked her to point him out and they said go and play we will speak to him (not sure if they did of didn't speak to him). He then chased and caught her with his arms around her and kissed her on the check and then still holding her tried to kiss her lips, at this point my DS saw, ran over and pushed the boy- he fell and grazed his hand. DS took DD to play with him for the few remaining minutes of lunch.

The boy must have informed the playground staff as he now has to miss 15 mins of lunch tomorrow, sit in the class room and write a sorry letter to the boy in question. I told his teacher he would most certainly not be writing a sorry letter to this boy and went to the head, who was busy but will see me in the morning.

I am so angry at the schools failure to deal with this situation and punishing my DS for stopping that the staff should have stopped. I don't want to send my DC in for the last 2 days of term, especially if my DS is going to have to write a sorry letter and this other boy gets away with no punishment for distressing my DD over several weeks.

I have spoken with the head about this before and nothing appears to have been done.. who can I go to to make it stop??

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

The school are not doing enough to protect your dd from unwanted sexualised behaviour from another child. YANBU to kick up an almighty fuss about that. That said, as much as I can empathise with your son wanting to protect his sister, he did hurt a much younger child than himself. That does need to be punished by missing some of his lunch break (as you've said yourself).

They can bloody well whistle for the apology letter though. Fuck that.

[thebody]

redhelenB they are indeed 5 years old and as someone who works in a reception class I can tell you that behaviours like holding down another child, kissing them on the lips and putting hands up skirts are NOT normal, not acceptable and potential red flags.

If your dd cane home and told you this coupled with her obvious upset would you really say ' don't worry dear he's 5!'

[SayMyNameSayIt]

MY DS, not "me DS ".

[OohBridget]

why are they so quick to deal with your son but unable to act swiftly enough from being inappropriatly touched and harrassed?. I wouldn't be sending them in, I don't believe your son deserves any punishment and the boy in question deserves no such apology. The school need to get their act together and apologise to your daughter for letting her down and not keeping her safe.

[thebody]

flyingsphagetti that's fucking disgraceful.

It's victim blaming and I suspect some schools are a bit afraid of rattling some parents as they are intimidated by them.

Not acceptable.

[fluffyraggies]

At our school repeated sexualised behaviour like this would warrant child prootection policies to be implemented and the boys parents would be brought in and told of the seriousness of this matter.

this.

Even if they are only 5. That is not normal behavior for a 5 year old boy.

[Sarahplane]

I would be furious with the school for not protecting your daughter. Your son did a really good thibg sticking up for his sister and you should be very proud of him for tbat but he did it in the wrong way and should have got an adult to sort it out. An eight year old shouldn't be pushing a five year old, so in one way it is right that he should be punished but I don't think he should be made to write the apology letter. Punishing him for using force is one thing but making him apologise for defending his sister is another. I don't think keeping them off is a good idea, if it were me I would send them in and then speak to the head first thing to make sure this is sorted out and make it clear that while you agree with your son losing some of his playtime you are not happy about the letter. I would be asking exactly what the school plan to do about this boys behaviour to your daughter and whether he has been punished as it seems to be giving the message that your son protecting his sister was worse than this boy harassing her.

[Trapper]

There is no way mine would be writing a letter or staying in. Perhaps the Head should stay late and write a letter to your son apologising for putting him in a situation where he had to defend his sister from a physical assault because the School were not capable of doing so.

[Nancy66]

I wouldn't keep them off school - the last days of term before Christmas can be fun and they shouldn't miss it.

Have your meeting with the head, say your piece and stick to your guns regarding the letter. Your son is not to write it and that's that.

[neunundneunzigluftballons]

I certainly link the 2 events. I would be very proud of my son and I would be telling him and the school this. The school are not responding to this issue and it is the other child is the problem. I would also be escalating the issue in writing.

[LookingThroughTheFog]

Keep your daughter off school tomorrow. Call the school in the morning, and tell them you will not be sending her in until you can ensure her safety. They're failing her right now.

[ljny]

You are damn right not being unreasonable.

We don't know what this boy will grow up to be. We DO KNOW that it's harmful for your daughter to experience repeated, forcible hugging and kissing.

Can you insist that the 5-year-old boy send your daughter a letter of apology first?

I'm so proud of your son! Perhaps there were better ways to handle it, but the child's only 8 and he saw his sister being forcibly held and subjected to unwanted intimacy.

He didn't start a brawl. He pushed the boy off his sister.

Hell would freeze over before I'd make my son write that letter. Perhaps he can be kept in (wish we could 'keep in' the head and teacher and all the other adults who failed to protect your daughter).

But being forced to apologise to a child who was attacking his sister - repeatedly - is simply not on. It's the school's fault. They should have protected your DD, they had ample warning, your son should never have been put in that position.

Tell the school they need to prove to both your children that they're capable of protecting your daughter. Your son has nothing to apologise for. He didn't punch the boy, he didn't beat him up, he simply pushed the bully off the little girl.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Firstly your Ds is lovely. Well done for protecting his sister I'd be so proud. Secondly school need to get their priorities straight. How dare they let that go on to your dd then have the nerve to punish the only person who's looked out for her!!

Not on at all!!

[Tapiocapearl]

Red flags I agree. What is this boy witness to or on the receiving end of? His behaviour is totally inappropriate.

I would email the school tonight and list everything that has has happened to date including teacher contact, general dates and outcome. I would finish by saying that your DD is clearly being inappropriately harassed and you will be keeping DD off school until the school can fulfil its duty of care and stop things immediately. Make sure you use the words duty of care and state that in your absence they are loco parentis and there for 100% responsible.

[Tapiocapearl]

I would also add that your son was only protecting his sister and he will not be writing a written apology.

[thebody]

ljyn yes absolutely and what on earth is your son learning here, that adults not only can't protect his sister but that if he does he's punished.

Fucking ridiculous.

Op hope your dcs are ok? Horrible for you all xx

[fairisleknitter]

YANBU

[thebody]

Grrrr so angry on your behalf op and in the light of the vile lost prophets bastard today in the news, what about this child exhibiting behaviour like this?

What are the school thinking ignoring this.

They are letting ALL of the children down here.

[littlewhitehamster]

Thanks everyone for your advice on how to address this and to whom moving forward, I am very angry right now and you having somebody set out what to do next has helped me think straight.

I do agree that my son needs a punishment, he broke the rules, that is fair, however he will not be writing a sorry letter, he said that if the teacher tells him to write one he says he will write 'The teacher told me to write a sorry letter but I will not say sorry for stopping you hurting my sister. You are nothing but a bully who picks on girls. I hope one day you will pick on someone who has a much bigger brother and pushes you harder.'

I did say the last sentence was not exactly needed, however I see his point!

I will insist on seeing the head first thing and will not send the children in until I have spoken to him.

I am going to try and compose a letter to he school later including the things I have reported before and then follow it up after speaking with the head with what has been discussed and will be sending to the governors and trying to contact the council to see if they have a dedicated department/officer who I can speak to.

[formerbabe]

I am confused...has the school spoken to this child's parents. Did they not tell them as soon as the first incident happened?

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Your son did a really good thibg sticking up for his sister and you should be very proud of him for tbat but he did it in the wrong way and should have got an adult to sort it out.

The adults weren't sorting it out, that's the problem. They had enough opportunities. My DS wouldn't be writing that letter either and his alternative sounds good except for the last line . I'd be furious at all this. Hope you can get it sorted, your poor dd.

[ALittleBitOfChristmasMagic]

Well done your ds for sticking up for his sister !!! I would be livid if I were you that is absolutely shocking from the school !! My dd was punished for doing something similar (her friend was being ganged up on and dd pushed through them all to stick up for her, resulting in a girls newly pierced ears getting banged and going red) it's so unfair but I was very proud of dd and although I let it go at the time I brought it up at parents night.

I most certainly wouldn't be letting this go though . I would be straight into school tomorrow morning and wouldn't leave until someone speaks to you . I'd maybe avoid keeping them of though for fear of losing the moral high ground ?

[asmallandnoisymonkey]

Good decisions! The child protection officers don't stop working at Christmas usually (I know this because my father in law is one and if his phone rings with a crisis he has to sort it out), although I can't imagine there will be much they can do with regards to the school over the holidays.

It's good to get things in motion though and make sure you follow it up relentlessly when you return.

Your daughter (and son) deserve a safe learning environment and it's the school's responsibility to provide it.

[ConferencePear]

I can't understand why the school hasn't had the boy investigated on child protection issues. Overtly sexual behaviour like this starts somewhere.

Your daughter has the right not to be molested like this i school.

I think your son behaved admirably in defending his sister. He shouldn't have done what he did of course, but he shouldn't have felt that he had to.

[BadgersNadgers]

I'd definitely keep your daughter off until the school are prepared to look after her properly.

My DSis was date raped when she was seventeen (date rape didn't really exist then, it was looked upon as she got drunk and he took advantage while she was passed out so he was never reported). The next time I saw him I punched him in the face, I'd do it again a hundred times. Anyone with half an ounce of intelligence would see that your son was acting from a good place, shame that so many headteachers seem to lack common sense.