Or am I the only mother who would rather stick holly leaves in my eyes that sit through the school christmas play?

[ItsAWonderfulCervix]

Even if my PFB is the actual lead?

Lets face it, I wouldn't be going if PFB or PSB weren't in it.

I have a hangover. I am tired.

There will be singing.

It's a fucking Pantomime!!!

I have never been to a pantomime before. I have no yen to go to one. Audience makes me want to kill people. Child performers make me want to kick things.

The whole experience makes me shudder and I can't think of an acceptable excuse to not go.

Obviously I am turribly enthusiastic and supportive in front of the PFB but inside I am nauseous.

And did I mention the hangover.

Audience Participation makes me kill people. Generally audiences are ok. As long as there aren't anyone elses children there. Or rustling. Or whispering.

Not unreasonable, I guess, you can't help how you feel. I find it incomprehensible though.

THe worst thing about school plays and concerts is that they have other people's children in them. I had to sit through 90 minutes of other people's children to listen to a 30 second rendition of Jingle Bells played by my DD on her trumpet (which of course I've had to listen to constantly for the last 6 weeks anyway).

Even worse though is that they wanted us to clap in time to some horrendous rendition of some unidentifiable Christmas tune. Ugh.

Oh yes. The problem is other peoples children. I simply don't like them. I'm not mad keen on my own.

You sound like a fucking barrel of laughs.

I feel the same, OP. You're not unreasonable at all.

I would gladly forego all school productions ever - including the ones I was in. Never enjoyed it, always loathed it and was sick from nerves...still they kept coming and demanding I do the solo or the duet or whatever.

I did not want to perform. I took zero pleasure from it and cannot understand those who want to watch other people performing, either.

Listening to stuff that's recorded - or recording stuff - yes, I love that. And maybe a live gig when people are really enjoying themselves (folk music or whatever) but generally speaking, live events terrify every bone in my body.

And primary ones are often so contrived 'for the enjoyment of the proud parents' that they're frankly terrible anyway.

It doesn't mean I'm not proud of my children, or impressed with other people's - I just don't like the whole thing.

Oh I'm so with you here. Hordes of small tired children propped up on stage, blasting out unidentifiable tunes on brass instruments, stumbling over tinsel, props and their lines while a harassed teacher gesticulates wildly from the floor.

Shoot me now.

Sorry that got a bit deep

OP is clearly being humorous, well I think so anyway. Why is everyone being so weird?

(not my cervix. The person known as.)

Oh good, another one! Come on laundry. We can fit you in.

That's exactly it, IHeard (top name!), it's the idea that it's all for us that makes it so awful. My DC can't give a shit. It sounds and looks dire and nobody involved enjoys it apart from the usual handful of centre-stage little darlings who, along with their nauseatingly enthusiastic parents, seem to be the only ones to benefit.

I am a fucking hoot, me

I love it! The kids have worked hard, I don't mind sitting for an hour to hear my dd do her 2 lines she's been practising since October. It's only once a year.

I actually think the worst bit of it all is the head thanking the teachers. Using the phrase "a production of this scale and quality" every single fucking time. Andrew Lloyd Webber stuff it is not.

death if your kids don't give a shit then why exactly do you bother going?

I am glad that others understand.

I always feel so out of place there. People actually cry. I have been known to emit the odd stomach rumble, but crying - not really.

I love my children at the wrong moments, obviously...not when I'm supposed to.

Lets face it.....

Children are mostly completely crap at performing.

So what's the point?

Well I think some of them really enjoy it - but so many do not, and it seems unkind to put them through it as they stand paralysed with terror on the stage and then throw up unceremoniously.

Maybe it could be voluntary?

Room for another one, IHeardMummy? Sat through my last nativity two days ago, thank God. It is identical every year. If I never see that bloody donkey costume again, it'll be too soon. Goes without saying that I turn up, and smile appreciatively at DS.

Because, mister, they'd be upset if everyone else's parents showed up but we didn't. I may find the whole thing torturous but I wouldn't let my cynicism hurt my children.

Thank you Mumsnet for an outlet.

No massive production at ours, no making out its a massive production. All the kids seem to love it. If you don't like it and your kids don't like it then I'd write a note explaining they don't want to be involved, problem solved.

I love it because my PFB and PSB and PTB all participate.
I well up and cry Happy Tears.

Of course they are crap - but they are so happy and excited and their eyes are all shiny and happy to see you there...

Yes, I am a pathetic sop.
I am also a barrel of laughs.

I'll see if I can find the other Bah Humbug thread for you - you might feel right at home

You too seem to be just one of those mums

Our school productions are brilliant. Seriously, the kids work so bloody hard that I dare any parent not to love them. YANBU though, but only because you have never seen one of ours!

I am not alone! I am relatively normal.

Anyway. I survived. I even laughed and actually it was pretty good for a bunch of daft teenagers

Off to peruse that other thread.

News flash: it's not about you.