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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be disgruntled when a neighbours' invite turns out to be a Christian invite?

116 replies

marfisa · 16/12/2013 12:44

I'm prepared to be told that IABU, but here goes. Apologies in advance for epic length - I am naturally longwinded. Blush

We live on a friendly street that has a mix of students and families with young children. One family popped an invite through our door that said, "Hello X Street neighbours, please come round to ours on Sunday afternoon for mulled wine and mince pies." We know lots of families on the street but not this one (although we do give them a friendly nod in passing) so I assumed they were trying to get to know their neighbours better and thought it might be nice to go round and meet them.

On the day of the event, we also received a Christmas card through the door from the house of students who live opposite us - we don't know them either, but they often say hello to our DC. The students' card said, "Hope to see you later today for a glass of mulled wine with Family Z". I was a little surprised to see another mention of the mulled wine event on the students' card, since I hadn't realised that the students and Family Z even knew each other, but again, I thought it was a nice gesture.

At any rate, DH and I turned up with the DC in tow. There was a house full of smiling, friendly people, but it quickly emerged that only Family Z and the students were actually from our street. It was actually a gathering of people from a local evangelical church, one that is very keen about proselytising. DH and I, and one other unsuspecting couple, were the only newcomers and non-church members present.

No one tried to push religion on us, the mulled wine was excellent, the DC had a blast playing with one of the other children, and the adult conversation was pleasant too although my DH did say on the way home that the women seemed a little Stepford-like. The wife took down my phone number and we discussed getting our toddlers together for a playdate.

However, when I got home I looked up the church website because I was curious to see what it was like. The father from Family Z is a new assistant pastor there and he and his wife seem to be at the forefront of lots of initiatives to "share the love of Christ with your community", etc. The church platform is quite conservative: women can't be ordained as pastors, homosexuality is a sin and so on.

So AIBU to feel a little conned? To say "My neighbours invited me round for mulled wine and they invited all their Christian friends too!" sounds like a ludicrous complaint. But I thought that the people from these two houses were making a friendly gesture because they liked the look of us - now I just feel that the friendliness had an ulterior motive. And it is partly just chance that I discovered this motive so fast. I am very chatty not to mention a busybody or otherwise I would not have realised that everyone else in the room was from the same evangelical church.

I will be polite to them now but there is no way I would seek them out to socialise with them again. The homophobia is a deal-breaker for me.
Shrugging, moving on, but still grumpy.

It takes all kinds to make up a street, I guess.

OP posts:
SilverApples · 16/12/2013 13:26

So either turn them down, or do what DD has done and turn up wearing a rainbow ribbon and a T shirt proclaiming something positive about LGBT rights.

EveningCalls · 16/12/2013 13:26

Does it matter if an invitation does materialise? It would be odd if they didn't tell you you'd be welcome. Provided they don't put any pressure on I don't see a problem with them inviting you.

bigbrick · 16/12/2013 13:30

That's a nice invite. I would say when you next ses them that you don't follow their religion but are happy to have them as friends

Caitlin17 · 16/12/2013 13:34

But they didn't invite any other neighbours apart from the students who it seems were already part of the church. If it were me I'd find that a bit odd.

EveningCalls · 16/12/2013 13:36

I'd assumed they invited all the neighbours but it was only OP and the students who turned up

bigbrick · 16/12/2013 13:36

I see - then it is odd. Just say thanks and that you're not of that religion but nice to know them better

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 16/12/2013 13:36

We don't know who they invited -- we only know who turned up They may have invited everyone but the other neighbours were either genuinely busy or just made their excuses.

Yellowcake · 16/12/2013 13:40

Yeah, if you want misogynistic homophobes as friends...

soverylucky · 16/12/2013 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveningCalls · 16/12/2013 13:44

TBH I think all those who say they refuse to have anything to do with homophobes etc are (almost) as narrow-minded as those they are condemning. People have misguided views on all sorts of things but if you only mix with people who agree with you, how you do expand your own views or influence those of others?

Floralnomad · 16/12/2013 13:52

So if you get invited to church you politely decline - still can't see the issue and would think that for a Pastor that would be the normal follow up if I'd had guests at home that seemed to enjoy the company of my friends . I would imagine that the invites went to lots of neighbours and that others just didn't turn up .

DidoTheDodo · 16/12/2013 13:53

I don't like the assumption that everything on the church website is a personal view of theirs.

For example: the Church of England currently does not ordain women as Bishops. Do I agree with this? No I don't. Am I still a member of the C of E? Yes I am. (and I have made my views known to the Church too!)

Most peoples' belief system sits on a continuum of opinion. Few people (that I know anyway) are so very sure or polarised in their views.

SteamWisher · 16/12/2013 13:58

I'd actually quite enjoy it - I'd go next time and wind them up

LaurieFairyCake · 16/12/2013 14:00

Yes they might invite you to church. Yes of course you should turn it down if it's not your sort of thing.

An invite is harmless if you are a fairly normal person who can turn things down

Be aware that they might not be homophobic even if their church is - I know hundreds of Catholics who aren't homophobic

JinglingRexManningDay · 16/12/2013 14:02

EveningCalls Homophobia is hatred and intolerance for something a person is that they cannot change.
I would not want to be around a racist person who thought that anybody a different race to them was inferior,so why would I want to be around a homophobe?

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 16/12/2013 14:03

Dido, OP said that when she Googled the family she found them as signatories on an anti-gay petition, so she's probably fairly safe in assuming that those are their views.

EveningCalls, are you suggesting that we should all seek out racist/sexist/disablist/homophobic friends so that we can have our own views expanded and devote our time to "influencing" their views?

FairPhyllis · 16/12/2013 14:04

You are being VVVVVVVU. I thought you were going to say you'd inadvertently been invited to a house church meeting.

So you got invited to a neighbour's house. Everyone had a good time, DC may have made a friend. Nobody evangelised you, slipped you any Christian tracts, sprung a sneak worship service on you or broke out in praise songs. The fucking bastards!

JinglingRexManningDay · 16/12/2013 14:04

If he is a Pastor then I think his views would fall in line with his Church,otherwise he is hypocrite and a liar.

LittleBairn · 16/12/2013 14:05

Lol I wouldn't be horrified to find a load of Christians at a Christmas party

Santaspelvicfloor · 16/12/2013 14:10

Many Christians I know would stand up and walk out mid sermon if anything homophobic was said.

I go to a social thing couple of times a year where there is a large church contingent. The conversation is usually funny, honest and occasionally philosophical of their religion (not in a heavy way, but in the same way two teachers might discuss Gove in passing)

Santaspelvicfloor · 16/12/2013 14:11

My point being...Christians can be normal.

Amazing eh!

SirChenjin · 16/12/2013 14:11

Many non-Christians celebrate Christmas too though, to be fair. It's not exactly the religious occasion it once was Grin

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/12/2013 14:11

YANBU. I have no doubt that they were trying to convert you - or that that would be there ultimate intention. Bollocks to it being a general friendly get together. It was contrived.

I was invited to a toddler sing along group only to discover every second song was a Christian song. Children had no say in choosing what to sing.

To add insult to injury, the coffee afterwards was crap.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 16/12/2013 14:14

Where do you get the Christmas party, bit, LittleBairn? OP reported that the invitation said "please come round to ours on Sunday afternoon for mulled wine and mince pies". The only use of the word Christmas in her whole post is in mentioning that she'd had a Christmas card from the students.

cjel · 16/12/2013 14:18

I haven't read all this so may repaet what has already been said,
I think that as far as the invite and event went - it was genuine and they were using the christmas drinks as a reson to invite people they'd like to get to know better, not all other guests may have been from church?

They did nothing wrong and can't' save your souls' with out you knowing so if thats what they want to do they will have to be overt at some timeSmile
Its possible to be friends and not share faith.
I don't even know my friends views on LGBT issues are so wouldn't know if they are homophobic or not.

I'd say you had invite, enjoyed it and it wasn't evangelical, so they didn't lie You sound a bit judgemental on them to be honest.