Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be disgruntled when a neighbours' invite turns out to be a Christian invite?

116 replies

marfisa · 16/12/2013 12:44

I'm prepared to be told that IABU, but here goes. Apologies in advance for epic length - I am naturally longwinded. Blush

We live on a friendly street that has a mix of students and families with young children. One family popped an invite through our door that said, "Hello X Street neighbours, please come round to ours on Sunday afternoon for mulled wine and mince pies." We know lots of families on the street but not this one (although we do give them a friendly nod in passing) so I assumed they were trying to get to know their neighbours better and thought it might be nice to go round and meet them.

On the day of the event, we also received a Christmas card through the door from the house of students who live opposite us - we don't know them either, but they often say hello to our DC. The students' card said, "Hope to see you later today for a glass of mulled wine with Family Z". I was a little surprised to see another mention of the mulled wine event on the students' card, since I hadn't realised that the students and Family Z even knew each other, but again, I thought it was a nice gesture.

At any rate, DH and I turned up with the DC in tow. There was a house full of smiling, friendly people, but it quickly emerged that only Family Z and the students were actually from our street. It was actually a gathering of people from a local evangelical church, one that is very keen about proselytising. DH and I, and one other unsuspecting couple, were the only newcomers and non-church members present.

No one tried to push religion on us, the mulled wine was excellent, the DC had a blast playing with one of the other children, and the adult conversation was pleasant too although my DH did say on the way home that the women seemed a little Stepford-like. The wife took down my phone number and we discussed getting our toddlers together for a playdate.

However, when I got home I looked up the church website because I was curious to see what it was like. The father from Family Z is a new assistant pastor there and he and his wife seem to be at the forefront of lots of initiatives to "share the love of Christ with your community", etc. The church platform is quite conservative: women can't be ordained as pastors, homosexuality is a sin and so on.

So AIBU to feel a little conned? To say "My neighbours invited me round for mulled wine and they invited all their Christian friends too!" sounds like a ludicrous complaint. But I thought that the people from these two houses were making a friendly gesture because they liked the look of us - now I just feel that the friendliness had an ulterior motive. And it is partly just chance that I discovered this motive so fast. I am very chatty not to mention a busybody or otherwise I would not have realised that everyone else in the room was from the same evangelical church.

I will be polite to them now but there is no way I would seek them out to socialise with them again. The homophobia is a deal-breaker for me.
Shrugging, moving on, but still grumpy.

It takes all kinds to make up a street, I guess.

OP posts:
AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 16/12/2013 13:04

I don't see any particular evidence that the friendliness had an ulterior motive sounds very likely that they invited all their friends (who they know through the church) plus all their neighbours to their social event, and of the non-church group it was only you and the students who actually went (or were the students from the church too it wasn't clear from your OP).

I wouldn't want to become friends with the family because of the anti-gay thing, so YANBU in that respect, but from a "sneakily inviting you to Christian stuff" point of view YABU.

Floralnomad · 16/12/2013 13:04

I don't think you've been deceived ,noone tried to push religion on you ,if you don't want to socialise with them again don't . I'm sure I have lots of friends who have very different views to me I still have them as friends .

CalamitouslyWrong · 16/12/2013 13:04

Is hugging random folk in the street a common evangelising tool?

sonlypuppyfat · 16/12/2013 13:05

This homophobic thing surely the Bible teaches us to hate the sin but love the sinner.

curlew · 16/12/2013 13:05

I will put money on the next thing being an invitation to join them at church.

CalamitouslyWrong · 16/12/2013 13:07

Hate the sin, love the sinner doesn't make anything better. Worse in fact, as it gives a license to judge and condemn your actions on the basis of their own prejudices that someone loves you and wants to save you etc.

EveningCalls · 16/12/2013 13:08

I think your neighbours were having a party where most of the invitees were naturally their friends. Because of their lifestyle most of their friends are from their church but to be friendly they also invited their neighbours. Lovely

You went and had a nice time. Lovely

Obviously it's up to you if you want to be friends with this family but do all your friends share exactly the same moral/religious/political outlook as you?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 16/12/2013 13:08

IF they had started preaching at you or handing out leaflets you might have a point, as it is you are making yourself sound a bit barking Xmas Grin

... and that's from someone who does not do any religion of any kind!

KatnipEvergreen · 16/12/2013 13:09

I'd just take them as you find them, OP. I'm almost certain that if they are of the Evangelical type, at some point the church leaflets will come out or the "Have you let Jesus into your life?" conversation will arise.

At which point I'd say that I wasn't interested, and why.

KatnipEvergreen · 16/12/2013 13:12

do all your friends share exactly the same moral/religious/political outlook as you?

Not exactly, we don't agree on every issue, but there are lines to be drawn. No-one I'm good friends with is very religious, homophobic or racist.

formerbabe · 16/12/2013 13:13

Sounds very creepy to me...

SirChenjin · 16/12/2013 13:13

As long as no-one tries to force their beliefs on me, I'm more than happy to quaff some mulled wine and eat a couple of mince pies. The minute they start praying for me/inviting me to worship whatever god it is they've chosen to believe in/spouting nonsense about sinning and straying from various paths I'm off.

It sounds like they were being neighbourly and that you had a lovely time - but I don't blame you for wnating to keep your contact with them to a neighbourly level and nothing more.

SunshinemMum · 16/12/2013 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerryChristmas · 16/12/2013 13:15

I am not at all fine with people who want to convert me

DID they actually try to convert you? I thought not !

marfisa · 16/12/2013 13:16

Maybe it's time to come clean and admit that I am myself the daughter of a very full-on evangelical pastor. The rigidity of my parents' beliefs made for quite an unhappy childhood (although they were loving, devoted parents in their way). There was physical abuse.

I got out, was the black sheep of the family for awhile, had counselling, had lots more counselling, then finally had an uneasy reconciliation with my parents (not easy when they remained firmly convinced I was destined for hell).

All this is in my past now (DF is dead and DM has dementia). My DS attends a C of E school and I like to think that I am quite tolerant of religion (though it is definitely not for me). So when this thing happened on the weekend, I didn't quite know if I felt upset because it triggered memories of my traumatic past, or whether a reasonable person without lots of huge messy religious trauma in their past would feel annoyed as well.

Now I think it's probably just me. Never mind. The thing is, I used to try to proselytise people myself, so I know how it works. It's probably because I used to do it myself that I am paranoid at the possibility of people doing it to me now.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 16/12/2013 13:16

well, i work with people whose beliefs i dont share- people who are against contraception and abortion for example- people who are members of the masons, tories, people who dont think you should give to the third world.

the world is full of people whose beliefs you don't share. As long as you don't get into discussions with them on those topics really who cares? They may not become your heart to heart pal, but they might give you mouth to mouth if you stop breathing, or stop your kid from running in the road, or look after them for 10 minutes whilst you nip out.

i dont get religion in any way, shape or form, but the churches round here do a heck of a lot of good, food parcels, clothes for kids, helping the elderly.

marfisa · 16/12/2013 13:19

Yes, the students were from the church too - sorry that wasn't clear in my OP. Their invitation to the event essentially seconded the family's invitation.

OP posts:
sonlypuppyfat · 16/12/2013 13:19

Well said greenfolder

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 13:19

chippinginloveschristmaslights said it perfectly.

SilverApples · 16/12/2013 13:20

But they didn't evangelise to you, didn't have a mass pray-in whilst you were there, didn't quiz you or the students on your attitudes to homosexuality.
So they are capable of being neighbourly without needing you to join up.
Which is rather nice.

LingDiLong · 16/12/2013 13:22

Forget the Christianity for a sec, I reckon you're probably more peeved that you had a nice time, thought you'd made some potential new friends and then found that they have views that are incompatible with yours i.e. Homophobia. I had a similar situation that had nothing to do with Christianity. Got to know someone through work, went out for drinks with my dh and her and her boyfriend and they started on about 'pakis'. I was gutted, couldn't believe I'd got her so wrong and even felt a bit conned - like she's been deliberately masquerading as a nice person to trick me!!

marfisa · 16/12/2013 13:23

All right, I'm convinced, I'm going to assume that they were just being neighbourly.

But I do have a strong inkling that a church invitation is going to materialise soon. It's just that kind of church.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 16/12/2013 13:24

Nothing wrong with being wary OP - you know how it works and so are probably more aware of possible ulterior motives Smile

marfisa · 16/12/2013 13:25

Yes, LingDiLong, I think there's definitely a strong element of that.

None of my other Christian friends (including the vicar who married us) have any problem with homosexuality.

And the "hate the sin, love the sinner" line is bullshit in my opinion.

OP posts:
Yellowcake · 16/12/2013 13:25

I appreciate no actual evangelising was done but I wouldn't be happy at being duped into eating mince pies with a gathering of homophobes and misogynists, with the possible idea that they were assessing my suitability to become part of their dire gang. Yes, I socialise occasionally with people whose politics don't precisely match mine, but homophobia and institutionalised misogyny 'because the Bible says so' is a deal-breaker.

At least the mulled wine was good...

Swipe left for the next trending thread