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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think those who are addicted to smoking are incredibly selfish?

96 replies

GimmeDaBoobehz · 15/12/2013 21:45

I don't like smoking anyway, which is probably obvious from my OP.

I haven't posted anything that controversial on here before and imagine this might get some peoples heckles up, but I am genuinely interested to see if I split a divide or if there is a general consensus on this issue here.

I say addicted to smoking because those who have the odd cigarette socially don't tend to do this (although smoking in general tends to make me want to vomit, to be honest with you but I don't stop someone else from smoking obviously, because that is their choice).

I love my Mum to pieces she is a lovely mother and an amazing grandmother to my DD. However, she smokes around 15-25 cigarettes a day, I'd guess on average although sometimes it evens out more than this, less if she's feeling a bit ill etc.

Anyway, I digress - if she has ran out of tobacco smoke and she hasn't bought enough to last her she will ask my Dad to go out and drive and get some which is generally fine most of the time but even if he has just straight away came back from work, or if he's feeling ill she still insists he should do it then and she will get really aggressive verbally if it isn't done.

I know almost for a fact if it was between me picking up a pill for a certain ache or pain or her getting her tobacco, she'd not go without the tobacco unless it would only be for an hour. If it was a 24 hour period, I know she would choose to have the cigarettes.

I have a few friends who are the same and who also smoke -

AIBU to think that it's very selfish to smoke and make other people a) suffer the smell of your cigarette b) go and fetch you some more cigarettes or tobacco if you have ran out and c) hold you up from going somewhere because they are 'just having another cigarette'.

I expect I'll get flamed by the pro smoking or pro choice of smoking people, but it really does bother me and not just me, but others I know.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 15/12/2013 21:47

Yes it is selfish.

Addiction often is that way.

It's still an addiction that you can't understand unless you have had it.

Justforlaughs · 15/12/2013 21:49

Wow, where to start!? I think there are some huge generalisations in your OP. My DB was addicted to smoking, he would never have expected anyone to run round after him to buy HIS cigarettes. He would never put his need for a cigarette over anything that his DCs needed. He would never have expected anyone to wait for him, to the extent of making themselves late for something. Some people are selfish, yes. Others allow them to be.

whereisshe · 15/12/2013 21:50

YABU to lump all smokers in with your mother. She is selfish, but I don't see how that implies that all smokers are selfish.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 15/12/2013 21:52

IABU for thinking that all non smokers are self righteous?

I think i would be

just reversing your argument there

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/12/2013 21:53

They're not selfish because they smoke, they're addicted because they smoke.

People can be selfish and smokers or selfish and non-smokers or not selfish and either.

Do your principles keep your child away from smokers or does your own selfishness extend to letting your mother look after her grandchild at any point, I wonder?

GimmeDaBoobehz · 15/12/2013 21:54

Sorry just I agree what I meant to say I know a fair few smokers who are like this and I know it's not all smokers but 95% of smokers I know are like this.

Doesn't say much for my smoker friends/relatives, does it? :(

But I love my Mum to pieces she is amazing in every which way, this is the thing that really bugs me. I also want her to be healthy as I want to grow old with her.

OP posts:
TheGhostOfPortoPast · 15/12/2013 21:54

Well I smoke but only a) would apply to me personally. It is dreadful really and I want to stop. It is an addiction though and very hard. I find it hard to read that smokers are the scum of the earth when so much worse goes on though.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 15/12/2013 21:54

I can be self righteous Custard but not as a rule. I am not blameless in any whichway.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2013 21:55

You don't seem to understand addiction

RedLondonBus · 15/12/2013 21:55

I don't think that many are truly as 'addicted' as they make out...... It's just an easy,lazy,convenient excuse

For those who are, well, there are ways to break this addiction......it's just they won't.... Not can't but wont

GimmeDaBoobehz · 15/12/2013 21:55

Lying as long as she doesn't smoke around DD and mouthwashes/cleans her hands I am not as worried, as second hand smoke is a lot less damaging that way than having it blown in your face.

OP posts:
HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 15/12/2013 21:56

It is the nature of addiction, sadly.
nothing matters more than your next fix. Physcial things happen in your body as it craves for a 'hit'. This makes you unreasonable and irrational.
(ex smoker here. Giving up was hell)

RedLondonBus · 15/12/2013 21:56

Addiction..... Hmm.... How do mothers to be give up so easily??

SashaOfSiberia · 15/12/2013 21:57

I don't think any of the things you have complained about are specific to smoking or smokers.

Yes your mother is selfish but not because she is a smoker.

My DH is a smoker, I can't think I've ever gone out specifically or inconvenienced myself to buy him fags. He would never expect this of me.

I actually like the smell of cigarettes but I HATE the smell of certain foods, I feel like I'm constantly subjected to them by people eating those in public.

'Just having another cigarette' is the same as all people who are 'just' doing something, nipping to the loo, making a call etc. DH never holds us up, he smokes when it convenient to us.

All smokers are not selfish, however you mother is.

specialsubject · 15/12/2013 21:57

sounds like your dad is being emotionally abused, I'm afraid.

do we have a male version of 'LTB'?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/12/2013 21:58

Why is everyone writing in italics? Confused

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 15/12/2013 21:58

I am a smoker and I agree I am being very selfish.
Why do it?
Because I'm an addict.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 15/12/2013 21:58

Not all smokers are like your mother.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/12/2013 21:58

Shock Why am I writing in italics?!

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 15/12/2013 21:58

Amazing Its the site, it has been doing randomly for a few days.

MiracleOntheM4 · 15/12/2013 21:58

Why's everything italicised?

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 15/12/2013 21:58

They dont always.
Have you never seen a pregnant woman smoking? I have.

usualsuspect · 15/12/2013 21:59

I smoke.I go out and buy my own fags.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/12/2013 21:59

And yes the reason your mother sends her husband out to buy her fags is not because she smokes it's because she is a lazy arse.

HTH.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2013 21:59

Nicotine addiction is an incredibly difficult addiction to beat - it is a drug, and people who are addicted can really, really struggle to give it up. They can't just give it up, and they aren't choosing to stay addicted.

My mum has been a smoker for as long as I can remember, and even when told she could suffer acute bronchitis every winter if she didn't give up smoking, she couldn't quit.. You could look at it and say she was selfish - dsis and I were young teens - but the way I see it, she was a fallible human being, with an addiction, and I cannot blame her for that, however much I would love it if she gave up.