AIBU to think those who are addicted to smoking are incredibly selfish?

[GimmeDaBoobehz]

I don't like smoking anyway, which is probably obvious from my OP.

I haven't posted anything that controversial on here before and imagine this might get some peoples heckles up, but I am genuinely interested to see if I split a divide or if there is a general consensus on this issue here.

I say addicted to smoking because those who have the odd cigarette socially don't tend to do this (although smoking in general tends to make me want to vomit, to be honest with you but I don't stop someone else from smoking obviously, because that is their choice).

I love my Mum to pieces she is a lovely mother and an amazing grandmother to my DD. However, she smokes around 15-25 cigarettes a day, I'd guess on average although sometimes it evens out more than this, less if she's feeling a bit ill etc.

Anyway, I digress - if she has ran out of tobacco smoke and she hasn't bought enough to last her she will ask my Dad to go out and drive and get some which is generally fine most of the time but even if he has just straight away came back from work, or if he's feeling ill she still insists he should do it then and she will get really aggressive verbally if it isn't done.

I know almost for a fact if it was between me picking up a pill for a certain ache or pain or her getting her tobacco, she'd not go without the tobacco unless it would only be for an hour. If it was a 24 hour period, I know she would choose to have the cigarettes.

I have a few friends who are the same and who also smoke -

AIBU to think that it's very selfish to smoke and make other people a) suffer the smell of your cigarette b) go and fetch you some more cigarettes or tobacco if you have ran out and c) hold you up from going somewhere because they are 'just having another cigarette'.

I expect I'll get flamed by the pro smoking or pro choice of smoking people, but it really does bother me and not just me, but others I know.

Yabu. Your mother is a smoker who happens to be selfish.
I'm a smoker who isn't.

Not lately hec

Anyone with an addiction is a PITA.
Smoking, drinking .... it is all antisocial and self serving - that is what addiction is all about.
It wasn't till I stopped smoking that I realised how utterly addicted I was and how the addiction informed my choices and behaviour.

Red I stopped smoking while pregnant. Not because I wanted to or forced myself but because the smell made me throw up.

My dc tell me to stop, they have begged me. I make my dd 9 cry because she hates me doing it.
I'd call that bloody selfish. All smokers are selfish and I'm sure the OP feels like my dc.

Why do people who have never experienced an addiction feel entitled to comment on it? Ignorant, judgemental arses IMO.

The italics are annoying. I expect I'm writing in them too.

I'm a smoker. I'm not selfish. Hth.

Your mum is a lazy arse.

And smoking, in my opinion, is absolutely vile.

But the two are separate issues.

I am (currently) a smoker and choose to block all knowledge about others' feelings when it comes to smoking. I know I'll be far more pleasant to be around if I'm allowed 5 minutes to smoke, or let out to stock up.

I really want to give up for ds as he really worries about it, so it's good to read your perspective OP.

People who don't understand nicotine addiction should read Allen Carr's book. Nicotine is an extremely powerful drug. Sadly, when your fix wears out, it does make you selfish and irrational but once an addict is in need of nictine, the feeling of panic and emptyness is horrible.

You have people desperate to stop smoking so they throw their cigarettes in the dustbin only to find themselves 3 hours later digging through the bin trying to find the cigarettes. Most smokers secretly loathe themselves and their lack of control. I know I did. Thank god I stopped. Be more understanding of your mum. Otherwise she will lean on and rely more and more on her friend 'nicotine'.

Anyone who is addicted to ANYTHING is incredibly selfish. That is the nature of addicition.

naughty

I read the Alan Carr book, I think I was the lady who left the waiting room. But hopefully some day soon.
Did this book work for you or was it another method?

I was thinking the other day when someone referred to smoking as an addiction that its not all that different to being addicted to drugs (heroine, cocaine, weed).

Surely when/if a parent smokes around a child and knowingly damages their health, spends lots of money on their addiction whilst ignoring their childs needs then ss should get involved the same way they would if the parent was doing this because of an addiction to harder drugs like above.

I know not all smokers damage their kids health but if you make them breath second smoke then that is damaging their health. If you are struggling financially (I know not all smokers are poor/ not all poor are smokers) but if u are poor and smoking then spending money on 20 fags a day might not be abuse but it is definitely selfish.

I know it not realistic to simplify things this much but I just dont see the sense in smoking at all and feel there are enough stop smokibg services to help people.

Yes of course, but not all smokers smoke around their children. My dc don't know I smoke, I sneak off to the garage and scrub up when I come back. The oldest is 6. She thinks I'm popping out for a bit of fresh air.

For me, using the word selfish implies choice - and someone who is addicted to a drug is not choosing to be addicted. Many people do manage to beat their addiction, but I honestly believe that some just do not have the willpower to overcome the dreadful cravings and withdrawal symptoms.

But calling them selfish makes it sound as if you think they could easily give up, but can't be bothered.

YABU.

Right enough your mother sounds selfish. But not all smokers are the same.

I have mental health issues. Many people with MH problems smoke. Smoking provides a dopamine hit. The last couple of times I have tried to quit, I have been throwing up with anxiety and have felt suicidal. I have generalised anxiety disorder and worry constantly about what the hell I'm going to do when I get pregnant. I really want children but couldn't countenance smoking in pregnancy. But then, if my last few stopping attempts are anything to go by, I dread what will happen. My own GP has categorically told me not to stop right now because I'm so unhealthily fixated on it and the effects of my mental illness, she tells me, will kill me quicker than smoking.

I wish to fuck I'd never started. But I'm grateful I'm not addicted to something even worse.

So YABU. Addiction is irrational and especially hard to understand for those not experiencing it.

I wish to fuck I'd never started. But I'm grateful I'm not addicted to something even worse.

Yeah, me too.

Christmascrackers, yes I stopped after reading the book for 3 years. I smoked 25 a day and was so miserable, I was delighted because I stopped easily. It honesly was like waking up from a living nightmare like he says in the book. I stupidly started again for a year despite having never missed it. Had a few social cigarettes with old friends and I fell back into the same old trap again. After only 3 months of 'social smoking', I was back up to 15-20 a day. I read the book again - not so easy to stop the second time round but thankfully it worked and I'm back on track now.

Addiction by its very nature is a selfish thing. However, your Mum does sound particularly selfish.

Not all addicts are like your Mum.

I think your right op.

I watched my mil die from lung cancer. She smoked 20 a day for over 30 years.

My mother smokes 40 a day. Has done for over 40 years. She's has had 2 strokes.

I smoked 20 a day for 22 years. I gave up nearly 10 months ago. The difference? I chose to stop smoking. They didn't.

Yes it is selfish, of course it is.

DP is the nicest person ever about his smoking. But the reality is that he is doing something which stands a good chance of making him ill and ultimately killing him, making me and his children suffer by watching him die slowly and then grieve him when he's gone. It is absolutely selfish to put your loved ones through that. I think his health is starting to fail already tbh, but he's not showing any signs of giving up just yet.

That's the reality.

My gran smoked 20 a day, and said she was old anyway, what did it matter? But she changed her mind about that when she got lung cancer. It does matter. It did to her, and it does now to anyone who gets ill - eventually - from doing something so damaging and ultimately lethal for so many.

I smoked from 14 - 34. So, I understand the addiction. I couldn't give up, not until I fell pregnant, and having a life inside me was the thing that got me through the mental torture of getting rid of nicotine addiction. DP hasn't reached that point yet.

It's fucking hard, for many, to give up, otherwise why would they keep doing it? If they go through what my gran did, I expect it'll seem nothing in comparison however, and they'll wish they had done, but hindsight is a marvellous thing is it not?

Addiction is selfish, contradictory, fucking stupid and a pointless waste of money and time. And the last thing it ever could be is logical, it simply isn't. It makes kind people selfish, and makes a fool out of everyone.

I wish DP would give up, but I can't do it for him can I?

My DDad chain smoked and I know he felt extremely guilty for allowing himself to become so totally hooked.

He hates alcohol and absolutely despises any type of drug taking.

Utterly hypocritical (but he'd have exploded if you'd said so). In his heart of hearts he knew you were right.

He knew it was extraordinarily selfish to cost the family so much and he's always blanked out how much DM would have liked to afford a holiday.

Eventually he scared himself witless he had cancer (actually he had pneumonia) and gave up. No nicotine patches, nothing he just stopped.

Why didn't he stop before and indeed why did he start.

Believe it or not he had very bad asthma as a child. I suspect by the time he was an older teen this was very strongly stress related. Crazily smoking helped.

Apart from cats (which he avoided like the plague), I never knew my DDad have asthma until he gave up smoking.

Fortunately DD1 has a much better cute for stress induced asthma, she sings!

Cure

"I know it not realistic to simplify things this much but I just dont see the sense in smoking at all and feel there are enough stop smokibg services to help people."

Well ... if you know it's not realistic, why say it?

You may "feel" there are enough stop smoking services, but if everyone is still smoking, then it's not really working is it?! Perhaps it's the wrong kind of support for some people, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, int eh wrong format.

Only getting pregnant worked for me. Not exactly something you'd recommend for giving up smoking as a "treatment" though is it?!

Why do people who have never experienced an addiction feel entitled to comment on it? Ignorant, judgemental arses IMO

This ^

It is the same with people who binge drink, over eat etc. But I do understand where op is coming from. My mother smoked 80 a day, and as a result is no longer with us. She was also an alcoholic, and this made me angry at her. When she died I was only 18.

But she had a lot of problems, and being an emotional binge eater with problems myself, I understand why people put their bodies through hell to give their mind a break.