to wonder why men are almost always the non-resident parent

[womblesofwestminster]

Yes, I know I could win an award for most clueless person, but please humour me.

Why is it that when parents separate, it's almost always the mother that the children live with and who has to do the bulk of the mundane parts of the childcare? While daddy gets to pay a cash sum each week, pursue his own interests most of the time and then be Disney the rest of the time.

Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

I don't think it is that the mother usually 'has' to be the resident parent.

How sad if it were a case of fighting over who

Shit. Italic fail!

Justforlaughs, I bet teens want to move to their dads because they get away with far more and feel they'd be more likely to have a good time with less discipline.

When I split with my exh he took umbrage with paying csa. So I suggested he have the kids and I pay csa..... Guess what was the end result...

After 6 months of picking the kids up when he felt like it he just stopped turning up. DD1 was " meh" but DD2 has autism and it affected her badly. Not seen him now for 8 years. No birthday cards Xmas cards nowt. And both DDs have gone through big birthdays (18 and 21)

Child Support is greatly reduced in the case of 50/50 if it's paid at all. I believe that the Fathers Rights Movement has come about since they figured out that the more you have the child, the less CSA you have to pay. This is what's driving these men.

Of course. Because it cannot possibly be that there are significant numbers of men out there who simply want to see their kids more often. No, it can only be because of money.

What a jaded view of men you hold. How sad.

'How sad'.....nay, how realistic after spending years listening to other people's stories.

On the mixed boards I was on, the blokes used to moan about CSA and the women used to moan about their exes neglecting their children

I've heard a lot of stories.

Yes, yes, there are some chaps out there who are utterly devastated and heartbroken by not being the resident parent, and are prevented from seeing their offspring by evil, wicked women. But I do think they are a very small number.

I hope Fathers 4 Justice are reading this.

Jaded view= experience Howard!

They will be, Wombles, they will be.

I think they have a red light/klaxon somewhere that goes off when this sort of stuff is mentioned on mn.

F4J are a bunch of mysogynistic control freaks who would rather have their heads sawn off with rusty knives than pay child support

Same with mine. I know that he was telling people I kidnapped our daughter, that I banned him from seeing her, that he sends her gifts and I return them etc. when the reality is a lot different. It paints a better picture of them as the hard done to dad who just wants to love his child.

I think it's easy to forget how many parents do their absolute best for their kids after a split, because so often you hear/see the horror stories - the functional are unobtrusively getting on with life.
perfectstorm Indeed. Only 1 out of 10 residency/contact cases go to court in the first place, but they are the ones that people hear about and will, by nature of the fact they have had to go to court, be the acrimonious ones.

hiddennhome - you do realise that that last remark of yours was effectively a dog-whistle?

I've just reported my ex partner to the Inland Revenue for fiddling his tax returns in order to avoid paying child support.

I won't end up with any more money for ds because, no doubt, he'll blag his way out of it, but I have to feel as though I'm doing something because the sense of injustice is so hard to live with......(just shelled out 80 quid for a school trip to France next year and he's grown out of his trousers again).....Residence? Don't make me laugh. These fathers are amateurs whos contribution to parenthood is just about managing to have a shag and send a few swimmers up

I can see this from both sides.

I was a child who's parents got divorced when I was 12, and it was assumed that my dad would leave, my mum and us would stay in the house and we'd see my dad as and when.
Trouble was, meand my brother had other ideas, and wanted to live with my dad, and so we fought it (as did my dad) and won.
My mum moved out, me and my brothers stayed living with my dad in our home, and we saw my mum at weekends.
My mum never paid any child support.

Fast forward to now, and I seperated from my children's dad 8 years ago. He does the bare minimum for them, pays no money for them and only sees them if he really has no choice.

I think in most circumstances, the children should have their opinions heard a lot more.

ha, ha, thecat

I'm at work tomorrow, so will pop off to bed as soon as the scum sucking bottom feeders show up

DH would fight me for custody, he wouldn't accept being a weekend dad. Hopefully itching ever come to that though!!

It's ridiculous isn't it, king. The last time I spoke to my ex the idiots he surrounds himself had been telling him he pays too much maintenance so he should stop because I don't deserve his money. Never mind the fact he pays the least he can get away with and it's not for me anyway. Stupid people.

I would gladly do 50/50 with dh as he's a 'good dad', but I think most men are lazy fools tbh.