to wonder why men are almost always the non-resident parent

[womblesofwestminster]

Yes, I know I could win an award for most clueless person, but please humour me.

Why is it that when parents separate, it's almost always the mother that the children live with and who has to do the bulk of the mundane parts of the childcare? While daddy gets to pay a cash sum each week, pursue his own interests most of the time and then be Disney the rest of the time.

Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

[womblesofwestminster]

KingRollo

I remember your story! Are you still in Germany?

[Golddigger]

Are you thinking of splitting, and are considering not being the resident parent op?

[hiddenhome]

Women spend the child support on:

Gin
Hairdos
Nails
Handbags
Nights Out
Clothes
Brazilian waxes

[WorraLiberty]

Maleview you beat me to it.

There are so many sexist statements on this thread that it's hard to know where to begin.

I do wish some posters would prefix their statements with some men...unless of course they happen to have met every single man in the world?

[AmberLeaf]

Your man might have done and If so more fool you for choosing him

Thing is, you don't necessarily know what sort of a parent someone will be until they are one.

Of course there are good fathers, pre and post split. But on a thread like this you are going to hear about the bad ones. why that offends you as one of the good ones I don't know.

[hiddenhome]

I didn't choose him.......he was a conman, so the person I chose didn't actually exist He dropped his act once I was successfully impregnated leaving me to pick up all the pieces which I have done with great success ta very muchly

[Pan]

"Women spend the child support on:

Gin
Hairdos
Nails
Handbags
Nights Out
Clothes
Brazilian waxes

S'true it seems. Nice to see MN as a confessional.

[hiddenhome]

Oh, gosh, yes........Drugs

Posh birds spend it on lunches out too

[Pan]

It seems the OP is getting the bollocks she was looking for. As it were...

[hiddenhome]

KingRollo

[maleview70]

Touched a nerve have I?

[hiddenhome]

I think it's called having a sense of humour Pan, which we all certainly need here, what with the dodgy exes, lack of vacuuming and child neglect that we have to deal with

[Weegiemum]

My mum left when I was 12 and I'm 43 tomorrow. My Dad did everything he could to get "custody" as it was in those days, and when he offered my mum a high enough amount of money she agreed.

At first we had eow but after a while it fizzled out (partly as they - she left with my Dads best friend - moved abroad). Even when she was practically passing my door on her infrequent visits home, she didn't always call in.

My dad did a brilliant job and remarried my lovely stepmum, who has been a real mum to me.

[hiddenhome]

No we're just 'avin' a larf maleview70

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

My DH was married before and had two sons. He couldn't practically be the RP as he worked FT and his wife at the time was SAHP. But he was the most involved father imaginable and the boys chose to live with him when they got older.

Now he is the SAHP to our DD so I imagine that if he ever kicked me out he would be in a stronger position to be the RP.

I hate generalisations about men's parenting ability. My DH exists for his children, he patiently nursed his older son through years of leukaemia when his exW couldn't cope.

[SomePeopleNeedHelp]

"Around 8 per cent of single parents (186,000) are fathers" Gingerbread

My exh said we could only get together if I agreed children were a possibility as he was desperate to be a father. Turns out he was a fantasist and lied about lots of things (my fault obviously!).

When we were separated he begged me to get back together, after a bit he said actually he wanted to split up totally (10y younger woman in the background). About ds he said "I've got used to seeing him only a couple of times a week" so he was fine being nrp. He had "to get on with his life."

[hiddenhome]

Let's hope he falls over and twists his ankle and she has to carry him home King

[womblesofwestminster]

KingRollo Did his restaurant go tits up?

[PepeLePew]

In our case, my ex chose to walk out and break up the family. He made it clear prior to that that he found the minutiae of child rearing dull and of no interest to him. So there was absolutely no question, ever, that I wouldn't be the parent with residency. I did once, while we were arguing over maintenance, suggest 50/50 with shared responsibility for everything to see what happened, and he changed his tune pretty quickly.

I know he misses them. I don't think he thought he would - I think he really thought every other weekend and one night a week would be enough. But even when they spend more time with him (we are relatively flexible during the holidays and if I am travelling with work) their centre of gravity (for want of a better phrase) is here. I am the one who knows about their troubles at school, buys them shoes, books their eye appointments, knows what cereal they like, etc etc.

It was always that way, because he couldn't be bothered before and it's now too late. His brain isn't wired that way. He's not actually a bad father and is a lot better now than he ever used to be, but I can guarantee if I am away for a week with work I will get at least two calls from school because a vital piece of kit has been left behind, or they haven't been picked up at the right time from the right place.

So, in our case, there was never any question - anything else would be massively detrimental to the dcs' well being