Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be a bit saddened by the workings of the xmasappeal?

126 replies

comfortnjoy · 14/12/2013 22:17

I've offered to donate specific things......a treat for a MNer.
I was matched with someone with DC.
Now I feel like a complete crap donator as I have seen loads of posts about how kind donaters have been, sending focused presents to the family circs.
So my treat is going to look really unthoughtful and tight coz I haven't aimed my presnt to the DC. I can imagine the gift being opened with a dismissive "meh". probably why I haven't been acknowledged on the thread.
It's probably going to be viewed as shit in comparison to the other wow gifts on the thread, isn't it?
How do people decide what to buy after they've been matched when it says in the rules that you state your donation before you're matched Confused.
Aibu to be saddened and feel like not bothering.

OP posts:
FruOla · 15/12/2013 08:22

comfort. Have you looked on both the Christmas Appeal threads?

There is the original ('stickied') Christmas Appeal thread at the top and there's a second (not-stickied) Christmas Appeal Thank You thread a little further down.

saintlyjimjams · 15/12/2013 08:33

I have been nominated in previous years & received a mix of gifts, large, small, for the kids & just for me. All very much appreciated.

For the person whose parcel was returned - I bet she didn't get the card. If you're not expecting something then it's easy to miss. Our PO have a habit of leaving the wrong card (to wrong sorting office - I know to ignore those now & just go to the usual one) or ticking the wrong box & saying there wasn't enough postage or something like that.

And if you offered but now can't afford it - contact hq - the recipient may well be receiving several gifts anyway - the idea of the Christmas appeal is to spread some joy - not make you super stressed through no fault of your own. I expect the recipient would hate to think someone was struggling to afford to send something.

scaevola · 15/12/2013 08:39

I'm sorry that all you see is nastiness.

The Appeal really is a case that 'it's the thought that counts'

You have no need to fret about the materialistic aspects of what you could contribute. It's not the point, and brooding about that (rather than the intrinsic good of participating) is beginning to come across as self-absorbed.

moldingsunbeams · 15/12/2013 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paxtecum · 15/12/2013 08:46

Comfort: Nasty replies are completely unnecessary - ignore them.

I do wonder if those people are as abrupt and nasty in RL.

JakeBullet · 15/12/2013 08:47

Oh gosh OP, please don't think this.
I had some stuff that happened to be great for DS but the donator wouldn't have known that until I posted on the "thank you" thread (which is a nightmare to find and could be why you haven't had an acknowledgement yet.

This is the first time I have ever been nominated and I would have been happy with a hand crocheted drinks coaster because I'd know that someone had taken the time to make it for me.

I am so grateful for my gift and for being nominated. It made my day after a really awful few months.

Kewcumber · 15/12/2013 08:56

As an aside to those who haven't had their gifts acknowledged or returned. I've had two parcels (both via MN) - one (not the Christmas appeal) was sent unsolicited by someone who hadn't told me they were sending me anything, I didn't get a card from the post man telling me they'd tried to deliver anything and I knew nothing about it until I got an extremely nasty email from the sender when the poster got the parcel back - no benefit of the doubt or asking what the problem was, just a horrible you are incredibly rude and couldn't be bothered to pick up my parcel Hmm. I sent a very polite measured reply about not knowing what she was talking about which frankly was more than she deserved. On the MN Xmas appeal one year MN gave someone the wrong address for me (lots of roads around here with similar names) and we didn't mutually work it out until it was really too late. Hopefully they fessed up and told the sender otherwise she's going to think I'm a real cow too.

Then last year I did get some lovely books in the appeal, then my computer crashed (terminally as it happened and I had bigger things to worry about and then DS was really ill at Xmas and I missed the boat on the thank you thread. I have felt guilty about it ever since and sometimes wonder if MN still has the senders details so I can thenak them now.

Anyway - those who just assume as the first thought that the receiver just rude should reflect a little on the spirit of the season - sometimes there's a reason.

FruOla · 15/12/2013 08:56

"....the "thank you" thread (which is a nightmare to find and could be why you haven't had an acknowledgement yet.)"

Quite, Jake, that's what I meant upthread! In fact I've now asked MNHQ - twice, I think - to 'unsticky' the original appeal thread and to 'sticky' the thank you thread as that is the current one. To no avail, apparently Xmas Hmm

HanneHolm · 15/12/2013 08:58

i had a lovely gift and I have thanked the person by dm.
I only thought of her yesterday

thank you lovely person from Marlow

HanneHolm · 15/12/2013 08:58

i have NO IDEA how the whole thing works

at all

or where any thankyou threads are

FruOla · 15/12/2013 09:02

Here's the Thank You thread, Hanne www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/1882542-Christmas-Appeal-Thank-You-thread-2013?pg=1

As an aside, may I congratulate 'you' on standing up to that snake on Borgen last night?! Grin

Kewcumber · 15/12/2013 09:03

Come to think of it - how did sender one have my address - maybe I have misremembered that and she did tell me in advance (in my defence it wasn't for me but for charity - why would I have refused it Confused)

gertrudetrain · 15/12/2013 09:04

Ah well op, you've had it rough on this thread but your good deed for the day has been to teach me about the Christmas appeal. I knew nothing about it. Wish I could have sent something but will do next year.

You are kind and I'm sure karma will acknowledge it even if the recipient can't.

gertrudetrain · 15/12/2013 09:05

Grin fruola that was my thought too.

FruOla · 15/12/2013 09:08

Kew. I wonder if your sender 1 had sent you something in a Christmas Appeal in a previous year? Or maybe sent you something from one of those "I have, but don't need" threads? And she just thought she'd send you something this Christmas anyway?

Shame she didn't think to let you know in advance, so you could keep an eye out though. It was hardly your fault you didn't know you didn't get it, IYSWIM.

moldingsunbeams · 15/12/2013 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadows · 15/12/2013 09:18

Some 5 years ago, I got a large box for Christmas from a mumsnetter, a gorgeous Benetton jacket for my then 2 year old son, lots of books, etc. Second hand, and a voucher for me. I was delighted beyond belief.

These days I think it is more about going out to buy new stuff (and vouchers) to people, which I think put people off donating. Lots of us have many many preloved books and toys and clothes in good condition that could find a new home with mumsnetters, and it would not cost anything more than postage. Now, you feel you have to go out and buy something new to a kid or two, and mum, and with the high postage costs you end up having spent £50 before you know it.

bahhumbugsanta · 15/12/2013 09:24

OP, i know how you feel. I sent a gift to my secret santa last week, I know they received it because of parcel tracking. I also know who they are because the info they gave made it obvious, so know they are around and posting frequently. But I never got a thank-you on the thread. What makes it worse was the recipient was allocated an A B and C secret santa and has thanked the B and C secret santa's which they got the week before my gift but not mine Sad. Just feel like they can't be bothered to thank the third sender. Probably not true but that is how it feels.

Yes, I know its all about the giving and the thought, but honestly, I was really looking forward to reading a thank-you post and knowing I had made a positive difference to someone - it would have really cheered me up to know that - and surely that's just as an important part of the Xmas Appeal as the receiving of gifts?

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2013 09:27

I feel a bit sad for SandyMN who sorts all the nominees and donations out and then finds out people aren't happy.

saintlyjimjams · 15/12/2013 09:28

Bahhumbug - that just sounds so weird that it must be a mistake. I know in the years I've received something there have been several thank you threads. I tried to post on each one to ensure they weren't missed, but it's possible to miss one I guess.

HanneHolm · 15/12/2013 09:28

i cant find my number on it
i am LOST

FruOla · 15/12/2013 09:33

Hanne you could send Sandy MNHQ an e mail to [email protected] asking for your number. She won't be back into work until Tuesday though.

Or, do you still have your PM from Sandy which should tell you your number?

thecatfromjapan · 15/12/2013 09:36

I think people detail what they received so that the sender can identify it

And I so agree with Silver Apples. Personally, I think sending a gift to the mn-er - who is usually the person who gets a bit passed over at Christmas, whilst organising everyone else's Christmas - is lovely.

I also think it's worht remembering that a lot of the nominees have some sort of stress going on. There are a million reasons why they might not reply.

comfortnjoy - focus on having done something randomly nice. Ignore all the voices in your head that try and turn it into a source of stress and unhappiness for you. Be happy. Next time you start feeling cross about some aspect of this (or something similar) try telling yourself (actually out loud, under your breath): "I chose to do this for good reasons. I choose well/ This is a nice thing." It might work to help you feel good about yourself.

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 09:39

I have had gifts, I havent opened them because as the present buyer in our house, they are the only suprises we will have. I would have been happy with a 10p packet of haribos and will be.

To know you have been nominated and someone has gone to the trouble to post you something is all it needs.

That's the joy, to quote Polar Express it represents the spirit of Christmas.

Don't feel sad or like your present wasn't enough, whatever it was - it will be.

thecatfromjapan · 15/12/2013 09:41

Sauvignon please check your p.m.