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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be a bit saddened by the workings of the xmasappeal?

126 replies

comfortnjoy · 14/12/2013 22:17

I've offered to donate specific things......a treat for a MNer.
I was matched with someone with DC.
Now I feel like a complete crap donator as I have seen loads of posts about how kind donaters have been, sending focused presents to the family circs.
So my treat is going to look really unthoughtful and tight coz I haven't aimed my presnt to the DC. I can imagine the gift being opened with a dismissive "meh". probably why I haven't been acknowledged on the thread.
It's probably going to be viewed as shit in comparison to the other wow gifts on the thread, isn't it?
How do people decide what to buy after they've been matched when it says in the rules that you state your donation before you're matched Confused.
Aibu to be saddened and feel like not bothering.

OP posts:
Xmas2013SantaC1103 · 14/12/2013 22:55

comfort, I do know what you mean. I'm always afraid of getting it wrong, because I don't want the recipient to be hurt or disappointed.

Nothing to do with wanting to be thanked - but because I don't want to let them down.

MNHQ kindly slapped me gently with wet kipper last year and said Anything Will Do It's The Thought.

usualsuspect · 14/12/2013 22:58

When you read the thank you thread and this one it does seem like people spend a lot.

I can understand why some people who can't afford to spend loads might be put off donating.

lougle · 14/12/2013 23:00

Also, you don't know how MNHQ have matched it. Sometimes they combine 2 donations, so it nasty be that they've combined your gift for a MNer with someone who has offered a gift for a child within a certain age range.

Your gift will make a MNer feel good. You may not get to feel good in return (I.e.they may not express their gratitude to you) but that's why MNHQ say to only give what you can afford to give (emotionally and financially) freely.

dementedma · 14/12/2013 23:01

I have dcs and received a voucher for me and was chuffed to bits! Maybe the OP sent it?
I only just got round to posting on the that kyou thread as I was having problems name changing. I sent a donation too but haven't even looked to see if there is a thank you as i'm just happy it was sent and hopefully received.please don't worry. A voucher to the mner is fine.

thegreylady · 14/12/2013 23:02

I am much worse off than I was when I offered. I hope my mnetter won't mind two smallish toys for her dc. On pension day I will send her a voucher separately. I love giving and the things were chosen with care. I don't mind no acknowledgement as I would save stuff till Christmas Day.

lougle · 14/12/2013 23:03

I agree, usualsuspect, and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with people detailing the gifts received because it does give the impression that it's the substance of the gift rather than the act of giving itself that they were grateful for. but, I think overall it's just the recipient trying to convey their thanks sufficiently.

ISawStrattersKissingSantaClaus · 14/12/2013 23:04

If it's any comfort, I'd love to recurve something ME orientated. Too easy to get forgotten when you have kids, most mums I know put themselves last so often.

Don't worry about it. I'd be hugging myself with glee if I got your present.

ISawStrattersKissingSantaClaus · 14/12/2013 23:04

Recurve = receive.

ImperialBlether · 14/12/2013 23:04

thegreylady, I know the MNetter you gave gifts to last year; she was absolutely delighted with the presents.

JuneauWhoIAm · 14/12/2013 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

BitOfFunWithSanta · 14/12/2013 23:11

Don't be daft!

I was very fortunate to be nominated this year, and received lovely stocking filler gifts for my girls, plus a nice box of chocs for me, and I can tell you I was utterly delighted. No big vouchers etc, but that is hardly the point of the thing- it's so wonderful to feel that somebody has put thought and care into what you might like and appreciate. It's all about the love!

BitOfFunWithSanta · 14/12/2013 23:16

Oh, and I bet that your gift for the mum will be a lovely extra unexpected treat (like mine was; I had two separate donors), and somebody else will be doing stuff for their kids. So don't stress or feel inadequate.

Pancakeflipper · 14/12/2013 23:16

I was nominated. It was lovely.

I got a fantastic Snowman "how many sleeps" reusable advent calendar from a huge company (and a tree decoration). It's brought great delight to my children and me!

And it's not the size (and if you think it is you need a kick up the bum). It's the thought.

Next year Mr Snowy will reappear on our wall and bring another year of joy and I will feel snuggly inside because I know he was a gift sent with kindness.

Never ever feel ashamed / embarrassed of your gift if it was sent with kindness.

NothingMoreScaryThanAHairyMary · 14/12/2013 23:19

5 years ago I was nominated to receive something the christmas swop thing was still in it's infancy.

I recieved small items that absolutely made my christmas. It wasn't a case of what others had got but that someone cared.

(On the 23/12 we got out of a hospital 2 hours away from home with our 6month old having spent the last 2 weeks in hopistal and had NOTHING prepared for christmas our 2 year old had gone to scotland with my parents as I didn't think we would be getting out. When my neigbours came round with the parcels I sobbed.)

It's not the size of the gift it's the fact you care at all.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 14/12/2013 23:23

Please, please don't feel bad OP.

The amount spent or value of voucher/gifts or what they are just does not matter.

It's the fact that someone has thought of you and taken the time - any time at all - to send something to brighten Xmas. It's amazing really that anyone does this at all!

I was very lucky to receive two gifts in the appeal last year as I had two santas. I would not have dreamt of comparing them, or comparing them with what other people got, or anything like that! It was just frankly overwhelming (in a good way) to think somebody had helped a stranger, and it cheered me up massively after a crap year.

Don't overthink it, and just give yourself a well deserved pat on the back for contributing to this wonderful appeal :)

Original poster
comfortnjoy · 14/12/2013 23:24

I've just come back to compose a reply to all the kind posters who've tried to help me see reason, but all I can see is the nastiness. "You are sad alright OP.".
What is the need? Really? It's comment like that that have earned the vipers reputation.
I cam on here to wonder how people can aim their presents to family circs when they've said what they donate? And to be concerned that my treat gift would be a disappointment. Yeah, I may have phrased that bit wrong, and indeed shouldn't have added that bit, but I've said sorry.
It's people like the concise nasty sourpusses that have contributed that make me consider my membership here, and ironically make me think "why bother" even more. Angry

OP posts:
AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 14/12/2013 23:25

I nominated and donated, wasn't able to nominate to a specific person, which was fine but just said I'd like to send whatever was needed most, so got hint in the email as to what they'd like. I was worried because we didn't have a huge amount to spend but I sent what I thought was appropriate and got a lovely thank you on the reply thread. If I hadn't received a reply I'd assume they were as hectic as we are this week, or not been able to get onto the web, or shy and not know what to say or any of the myriad reasons people don't contact others. What I would not assume was that its because they thought the gift was cheap. Stop being so hard on yourself.

If you read the thank you thread so many of the nominees have said that just being nominated was enough for them to feel reached out to, cared about and happy. I'd take those messages to heart and realise that whatever you sent would have gone out as a message of love and hope from one stranger to another. I can't think of a better gift at Christmas.

ShylaMcClaus · 14/12/2013 23:28

I offered a specific toy my first year and was lucky that I was able to put together a package for the whole family I was matched with. The next year, I just signed up and was given very specific requests from not one but two families with multiple DC, again, which I was fortunate enough to have been in a position to fulfil.

So I can see where you are coming from because I worried that my gifts would not be enough, but really, it is the thought that counts, that someone somewhere cared enough to put something in the post as a surprise.

AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 14/12/2013 23:28

Spotted there. It honestly comfort, if you have been on here for more than 5 minutes you'll know you need to zone out the snipey bits...a nest of vipers we certainly are, but then for the Xmas appeal to even exist means there are a hell of a lot of decent people on here. Take a step back, and if it really gets you so het up perhaps realise something like this is not hour bag and donate to a charity where you know exactly what to send or help out locally or something next year so you can feel happier about it? (Meant in a genuinely un viperfish way.)

BitOfFunWithSanta · 14/12/2013 23:29

Ignore those replies then, and look at all the others.

ShylaMcClaus · 14/12/2013 23:52

What BitOfFun said.

It's AIBU - you'll always get people best ignored.

Edenviolet · 14/12/2013 23:54

I was nominated this year but had a problem with my account, lost my Santa namechange and have not yet received a parcel/envelope so think I will get in touch with mnhq as want to be able to say Thankyou when it arrives!

LEMisafucker · 14/12/2013 23:58

I was nominated but haven't recieved anything. Does that mean I wont now? Its ok if thats the case

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/12/2013 00:02

I don't know if I'm missing something. I didn't do it this year, but when I have participated, you tell MNHQ what you can will donate and they match you with someone based on that. It could well be they match two people who promised small gifts with one recipent. So no reason to assume you have to send something big.

I do think there is a bit of a problem though. I can understand people want to be generous or mention they've donated and then feel bad about explaining they've not actually got the spare money to do it in reality, but barring unforeseen circumstances it's awful if people are promising a donation then too hard up to give it. Sorry, but that is just ridiculous - in that situation you need to keep your own money!

timidviper · 15/12/2013 00:08

Ignore the nasty posts OP. I know what you mean, you don't want to disappoint anyone and I think that is something quite a few people can identify with.

Last year I donated and was just given the info of Mnetter and 7 year old son. My children are grown up so I have no clue what might be needed or wanted and MN gave no clue, just said send whatever I wanted. I sent a voucher to each of them but felt rather guilty that it may have looked less thoughtful than some of the lovely gifts I read about on the thread.

You are doing a good thing by donating. People who offer nastiness instead of advice or reassurance are not worth listening to.