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AIBU?

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Original poster

Trying cry it out now, it's so difficult!

86 replies

sparklyskyy · 14/12/2013 20:54

My son is 11 months old and has been used to being rocked whilst standing up to sleep until now but he's far too heavy to do that with so I'm now trying cry it out after exhausting all other avenues.

The horrible thing is I don't know if it's going to work and I'm worried it'll have a lasting effect on him Sad His dad and I are both at the end of our rope spending up to 4 hours every night trying to get him to sleep. If he doesn't go to sleep while having his last bottle we know we're in for the long haul and we dread bed time every night. I'm up at 5am for work and my DP isn't in til after 11pm most nights with his work so bed times are so difficult. He used to go to bed at half 7 every night and for the past 2 weeks its been between 11 and 12 every night.

I hope I'm doing the right thing Sad

OP posts:
lagoonhaze · 14/12/2013 20:57

There Will be others that say cry it out is fine.

Im NOT in that camp. My views arent helpful right now as you sound at the end of your tether.

If you want a pdf of no cry sleep solution pm me your email.

Showy · 14/12/2013 20:58

Is he showing signs of being mobile? Pulling himself up to standing in his cot? Crying angrily? Waking up in the night and standing up? Refusing to lie down? Seeming not to be able to settle at all? Frustrated?

PeriodFeatures · 14/12/2013 20:58

Gosh, I don't know what to say. It's not what I'd choose but then I'm not in your situation. I know people who would categorically say don't do it and I know people who have CIO for a few days and sleep issues have been resolved.

Have you tried gradual retreat methods? They are supposed to be good.

Coldlightofday · 14/12/2013 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainSweatPants · 14/12/2013 20:59

I would post in parenting or sleep

this topic will get heated

good luck Flowers I've been where you are

valiumredhead · 14/12/2013 21:00

Crying it out is horrible imho and makes the child more anxious. Controlled crying is much better for child and parent ime.

mumofweeboys · 14/12/2013 21:01

Cc worked really well for us with ds1.

One of my top tips is that even if you don't cc, make wakings as boring as possible - low light, no noise, no eye contact.

Original poster
sparklyskyy · 14/12/2013 21:02

Showy, yes he stands up and crys angrily. He self settles on the middle of the night. When he eventually goes down he sleeps right through. I feel like I'm just waiting for him to cry himself to sleep through exhaustion. He's very mobile and won't stay lying down

OP posts:
mrsbugsywugsy · 14/12/2013 21:02

Have you tried rocking him in his buggy? That's what we do with dd if she doesn't fall asleep feeding. Then transfer her to the cot once asleep.

Coldlightofday · 14/12/2013 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sparklyskyy · 14/12/2013 21:03

I've always been against cry it out. Like staunchly against it but we are both at the end of our tether.

I thought I was posting this in chat. Please don't flame me. Need help

OP posts:
AutumnWind · 14/12/2013 21:04

I could never let the baby cry it out. I patented both of mine to sleep until the day thy started doing it themselves. I couldn't have them cry and not comfort them. It was really hard at times, but they needed me (or dh).

Original poster
sparklyskyy · 14/12/2013 21:05

I don't want him to cry himself to sleep through exhaustion Sad

Our routine is jammies on in the living room then through to his bedroom to get into his sleeping bag then a bed time story and then his bottle but add I said if he doesn't fall asleep to his bottle we're screwed

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklyskyy · 14/12/2013 21:06

gradual retreat doesn't work. He gets more upset. along with the cry it out. He gets more upset every time I go in

OP posts:
lagoonhaze · 14/12/2013 21:06

I did it with dc1. Regret it forever

did it once with dc2.... Like you desperate. She sobs and once i went back in rejected me emotionally for days.

Pick him up and formulate another plan.

MaternityNanny31 · 14/12/2013 21:07

Controlled Crying if done well with his age is perfectly acceptable and has good success rates.. I am all for it!! Took one of mine 2 nights to crack it.

Baby is ultimately happier if he knows how to self soothe and a tired baby is never a happy baby.

Does he have a favourite snuggly toy or a blanky or a dummy to comfort him. Would seriously recommend a soft toy that is "his soother" to help with this process.

I did the 5 minute CC , back in after 10, then 20 , and 20 mins each time until he was asleep.

He was actually far worse and distressed if I was in room!!

Original poster
sparklyskyy · 14/12/2013 21:07

Oh god. I already feel he's not as close to me anymore now I'm at work. He's more interested in his grandparents

OP posts:
FlatAsSantasSacks · 14/12/2013 21:08

Don't let him cry his self to sleep. It'll stress you both out.

Its heart wrenching and can be damaging.

Definitely try the no cry sleep solution.

AutumnWind · 14/12/2013 21:08

Are you able to lie in bed with him? Sometimes when the dcs are I'll and need someone with them, I lie in bed with them and the ipad. They get the comfort, but I also get a 'mental break'.

Sparkleandshine · 14/12/2013 21:09

make sure you do it right....

leave him 5 minutes, go in
leave him 10 minutes, go in
leave him 15 minutes, go in
go in every 15 minutes until he goes to sleep

"go in" must be no light, no smiles, "go to sleep DS", Pat Pat. out again - quick reassurance you haven't abandoned him.

Sit and time it as well, with a clock....

I did CC with DS2 and it worked a dream. Day one took 90 minutes, day 2, straight to sleep, day 3 60 minutes, then sleep on his own every night after that!

AutumnWind · 14/12/2013 21:09

Ill, not I'll

ab00 · 14/12/2013 21:09

Have you tried gradual retreat? What happens if you put him in his cot & just stay in the room?

AnyFuckersfrogslegs35 · 14/12/2013 21:10

I haven't tried CIO so can't comment but wanted to ask if you have tried to change his nap times during the day?
eg, not giving him one close to bed time.

AutumnWind · 14/12/2013 21:10

But five minutes is a loooooong time for a crying, distressed baby left alone in a room with no one to comfort them.

DeepThought · 14/12/2013 21:11

crying it out is really quite hardline and difficult to do

do you mean controlled crying?

poor you, I have so much sympathy for you. We did CC but at 18 months, it took 3 nights, tops. I had to stay downstairs, DH did the shhh pat nu-night baby role