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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my brothers employer isn't being unfair

129 replies

nasewa · 14/12/2013 18:22

My brother is on the bone marrow register and he has been matched with someone who needs a donation of his bone marrow. So in a couple of weeks he is going to London to have some taken from him. He is going to have some GA and have to stay in hospital in a couple of weeks. His employers is making him take holiday for this rather than sick because of the voluntary nature of this. My sister is incredulous at this and thinks that they shouldn't make him do this but I can see their point.

OP posts:

bountyicecream · 14/12/2013 19:46

I think he gets loss of wages expenses. Or the bone marrow register will pay for a locum which is what was going to happen when I nearly donated stem cells

greenbananas · 14/12/2013 19:46

My mum had a bone marrow transplant. What your brother is doing is great.

There's no comparison with a fun run or whatever . He is the match for this particular person, and could save their life.

Good luck to him. I can see the employer's point of view but think they are unethical and unbelievably mean. It's a shame your brother has to be out of pocket.

BornOfFrustration · 14/12/2013 19:48

If he's not going to be fit to work he can ask for a sick note in hospital. See how his employer likes them apples.

Original poster

nasewa · 14/12/2013 19:49

He isn't going to be out of pocket financially, as he is taking it as annual leave. He is going to use two of his allotted annual leave days and so will be down on this.

OP posts:

Eastwickwitch · 14/12/2013 19:49

I wonder if he's spoken to his GP? I bet she/he would give him a sick note
He's saving someones life not running round a park or having a face lift.

Hats off to him. It's a wonderful thing to do.

DontmindifIdo · 14/12/2013 19:50

OP - does he work for a large company or a small one? That's really going to decide it for most people...

notapizzaeater · 14/12/2013 19:51

According to the bone marrow web site you get re imbursed for time off by them for it.

Possiblyorange · 14/12/2013 19:53

I wonder if a family member could set up a donations site for anyone who wanted to support him in taking additional unpaid leave to do this? I suspect people would donate if it was mentioned on Facebook etc.

I don't necessarily think the company are being unfair but it seems such a shame for him to lose out on a benefit (annual leave) for doing something so amazing for someone else.

BillyBanter · 14/12/2013 19:54

I think it's miserable but unsurprising. I'd give him dependency leave. The staff member isn't sick for that either.

BillyBanter · 14/12/2013 19:55

Pregnant women and new parents aren't sick either. It's good for society to give them paid time off work though, and the same applies here.

BlueStones · 14/12/2013 19:57

They sound like misos to me. My colleague did this and the company were delighted to give him paid leave to save someone's life.

Nnnnnnn · 14/12/2013 20:00

Thank heavens some compassionate sensible people have finally joined this thread - I was becoming incredibly depressed at the thought of being the only person who thinks the employers stance is disgusting. I'm still angry at the thought that employers might actually act like this and hope that there has been a misunderstanding.

Though I must admit that I did giggle at someone comparing donating bone marrow to a fun run!

HermioneWeasley · 14/12/2013 20:02

For the sake of 2 days, unless he was a terrible employee I would just let him have the time.

BillyBanter · 14/12/2013 20:03

''If we give you paid time off to undergo an unpleasant medical procedure just to save someone's life everyone will be doing it!''

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2013 20:05

And actually, "fun run" -the clue is in the name.
Fun run vs unpleasant medical procedure.

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2013 20:06

Not that I enjoy running you understand. In fact I actively avoid it.

BarleyBo · 14/12/2013 20:07

Don't you think it is a sad reality of the times we live in rather than people being unsympathetic.

Perhaps his employers don't really understand what it is he is actually doing and if they were made aware of the circumstances would be more supportive.

I hope it goes well for him. He is doing an amazing thing.

Kendodd · 14/12/2013 20:10

I can't believe some people are comparing this to a fun run.

I think the employer should give the time off sick.

What if he'd used up all his holiday already? Would the employer just say "too bad, you can't have the time off, the recipient will just have to die".

BillyBanter · 14/12/2013 20:10

At what point in history was it a reality of the times that employers would all happily give staff paid time off to do this? I'm having trouble remembering.

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2013 20:13

2006 or 2007 I'd say...

Kundry · 14/12/2013 20:15

Just to be clear - I don't think donating bone marrow is anything like a fun run! It's an amazing painful selfless thing to do.

I was trying to say that some people will (clearly not on mumsnet!) and think that just because one person got a day off doing something 'for charity', they should get the same for their bungee jump, sponsored walk or whatever. I've seen someone go on one of those charity walk the great wall of China holidays and think it should be annual leave because it was 'for charity'. An employer, especially a small one, may just say no to everyone because some idiot has taken the piss.

Anyway I'm going to go and hide now, as the internet is too hard

Kundry · 14/12/2013 20:17

God, mean't sponsored holiday should be paid for.

I'm giving up the internet.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2013 20:21

Wow, what shocking attitudes. But then, my child was one of those who needed a bone marrow/stem cell transplant to treat her cancer, which was not curable with chemo alone.

This is no way compares to a fun run.

I'd go to the GP and get a note or contact his MP.

Every year, people die due to not being able to find a match. I can think of two people I know personally who need a match, one a child, is holding in remission. If she relapses, the likelihood is she will die if no match is found. The other has already relapsed. He needs a donor or he will definitely die. He is 24.

Research is continuing, to make this process more efficient for everyone, but until then, this is how it has to be done.

Saving someone's life, directly, deserves a little sympathy, at the least.

mrscog · 14/12/2013 20:22

To be honest I think this is an issue that governments should clarify in order to take employers out of the awkward decision. And no, it shouldn't be an 'awkward' decision, and I'm sure most employers would like to automatically give full paid leave for this type of thing, but if you're trying to keep afloat every single penny counts.

If you work for a massive company I doubt it's a difficult decision but if you're small then something like this could be a cost too far in this climate. I would like to think though that if it was my small business that I'd do whatever I could to at least cover some of the time - say 50% leave 50% sick pay.

Trooperslane · 14/12/2013 20:23

I think it's pretty tight to make him take a hol unless it's a very small business.

Astonishing thing to do.

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