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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed the In-laws are feeding my baby without me knowing?

100 replies

laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:21

He's 6 months old. 4 months 3 weeks adjusted age.

We've been weaning about a month and I'm combined feeding.

I've discovered that SIL has been out and bought some weaning food to give to my baby when MIL babysits.

I always provide some milk, either expressed or formula (depending on time of day). I make it clear when would be a good time to aim to feed so as not to disturb the times I need to BF.

I've got so my milk comes in at certain regular times of the day, and their messing about with timings can really screw it up. For example, they feed an hour before I'm due to BF, making it impossible to be comfortable or maintain supply (so I have to express extra to compensate).

Also regarding the weaning, we're only on 2 meals a day which they're aware of but just ignore, thinking they can do what they want when they want.

I've deliberately avoided wheat for another month (until his adjusted age of 6 months) because on the few times he tried it he seemed a little unsettled after.

They've just been and bought some baby cereals! Grrrr.

Or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
tracypenisbeaker · 14/12/2013 00:25

Have you made it abundantly clear what your expectations are?

Jinglejohnsjulie · 14/12/2013 00:28

How come they babysit so often, are you at work? If so, what are your other childcare options?

NewtRipley · 14/12/2013 00:28

I suspect they didn't breast feed (nor did I) and don't understand the issues. This isn't an excuse for them not listening. Assuming you've talked to them, can your DH have a word?

Food is such a bone of contention for some GP, IME. It's so tied up with emotional bonding and control.

MissWimpyDimple · 14/12/2013 00:29

Are you making the most of the free child care on offer?

DeepThought · 14/12/2013 00:29

what does your husband have to say about this?

and, I think you need to consider stopping unsupervised care by your inlaws

QueenOfConeyIsland · 14/12/2013 00:30

Stop bloody moaning and don't ask them to babysit again if they are getting it so wrong.

DeepThought · 14/12/2013 00:31

(slightly erk though, at weaning a preemie baby early, happy to be told to erk off)

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:33

Unfortunately I have multiple sclerosis and need help Hmm so they have my baby for periods of time.

From that point of view I should probably just be grateful, but it seems that it gives them licence to treat my baby as though he is theirs by ignoring my requests.

I've always provided adequate nutrition for each babysitting episode, but like I said they've taken it upon themselves to go out and buy up weaning food to give him without asking if that's ok.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 14/12/2013 00:34

Yes OP, how selfish of you to ask GP to babysit. It's not as if they are getting something out of seeing their GC

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:34

I was advised to wean early by health visitors. But only with bland foods like baby rice and easily digested fruit like pear and apple.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 14/12/2013 00:35

OTOH, if they won't listen, then a better solution must be found.

NewtRipley · 14/12/2013 00:36

Forgot the Wink in my 00.34.31 post

curlew · 14/12/2013 00:36

I know that this isn't what the thread is about- but I do wonder why you started weaning a baby at, effectively, 3 months? Surely a prem baby need even more milk only time?

DeepThought · 14/12/2013 00:36

ah that's good to hear, wrt early weaning

now, about your DH, where is he in all this?

IneedAsockamnesty · 14/12/2013 00:36

Have you clearly told them not to

DoJo · 14/12/2013 00:38

YANBU but if you've told them and they've ignored you then there's not much more you can do but insist that they do not have unsupervised access to your baby. Do you have any other childcare options?

NoComet · 14/12/2013 00:39

Wheat is reasonable, but by 6 months when a baby eats and when they BFs makes no difference at all to your supply, you really are over thinking things.

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:42

My husband always stands with his family for a peaceful life and because he can't see why the whole world can't feed our baby what they like, when they like.

I started weaning just one meal a day when he was 5 months (corrected age 3 months 3 weeks).

I don't know why I mentioned his adjusted age really, as the health visitor said you go by the actual age for weaning. The BLISS premature baby leaflet they gave me also says you can wean a prem baby at 5 months (real age).

I had to try it because he was feeding every 1.5-2 hours round the clock with no let-up, and I was getting ill from lack of sleep after so many months of constant sleep deprivation! They thought he would possible just be a hungry boy.

OP posts:
Jinglejohnsjulie · 14/12/2013 00:43

Think the weaning guidelines only apply to full term babies. There is some information on weaning a premature baby on the Bliss website.

Don't think this is a premmie or a feeding issue, its about not respecting your wishes.

JohnnyBarthes · 14/12/2013 00:46

What Starball says.

Not very long ago at all In the old days, by 6 months most babies would have been eating food for a couple of months. Breastfeeding mothers could leave them for hours on end without bothering to leave bottles - baby would eat banana, avocado, scrambled eggs and then top up with milk when their mum got back.

I'm not saying that it was right for most or all babies to start on actual food at 4 months, just that most did and with no discernible ill effects.

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:46

Starballbunny - it honest does make a difference. I get certain (regular) times of the day that I am uncomfortable with milk, and it's always around the time I am due to give him a BF. Other times I feel very empty and those are the times I formula or wean.

If I am full and due to BF soon, the last thing I want is someone feeding my baby putting it all out of sync!

OP posts:
Jinglejohnsjulie · 14/12/2013 00:48

Whilst feeding so regularly is within the realms of normality, have you spoken to a BFC? Is there a bfing support group you can go to where you can talk about feed frequency and solids? You might find this article useful too Smile

Not had a premmie but if you are going from actual age, surely it's ok to give other things! At 6 months mine were eating sandwiches, eggy bread, roast dinners etc.

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:53

Thanks for that website. According to kellymoms we should be giving one meal and two max until 9 months, which seems to support my preference for other people to stop feeding my baby extra solids when I am not there!

OP posts:
Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:55

If yours were eating sandwiches by 6 months, what age did you start and how quickly did you progress, out of interest?

OP posts:
JohnnyBarthes · 14/12/2013 00:56

But you still make milk when your breasts feel empty if your baby is suckling - obviously it's uncomfortable when your breasts are engorged but your baby won't be going hungry.