Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed the In-laws are feeding my baby without me knowing?

100 replies

laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 00:21

He's 6 months old. 4 months 3 weeks adjusted age.

We've been weaning about a month and I'm combined feeding.

I've discovered that SIL has been out and bought some weaning food to give to my baby when MIL babysits.

I always provide some milk, either expressed or formula (depending on time of day). I make it clear when would be a good time to aim to feed so as not to disturb the times I need to BF.

I've got so my milk comes in at certain regular times of the day, and their messing about with timings can really screw it up. For example, they feed an hour before I'm due to BF, making it impossible to be comfortable or maintain supply (so I have to express extra to compensate).

Also regarding the weaning, we're only on 2 meals a day which they're aware of but just ignore, thinking they can do what they want when they want.

I've deliberately avoided wheat for another month (until his adjusted age of 6 months) because on the few times he tried it he seemed a little unsettled after.

They've just been and bought some baby cereals! Grrrr.

Or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
tiktok · 14/12/2013 16:05

laughingeyes I agree this is not a feeding question but a question of asserting your wishes with your ILs. It is absolutely not right for them to ignore your requests - you need to prevent them from over-riding you and this will be important now and in the future where you may have preferences they disagree with.

(Prem babies may start solids earlier because of a number of reasons - they have not got the same iron stores as full-term babies, for instance.)

Breastfeeding really does not work to the clock - feeling full at certain times of the day and not at others is not a reflection of a timetable/routine, but a reflection on the time since the previous feed. Softer, less obviously full breasts don't have much less milk in them than fuller breasts....it's like when you blow up a balloon, the balloon can be quite soft and then a mere half mouthful of air makes it hard and full. But the volume difference between 'soft balloon' and 'hard balloon' is not all that great.

tiktok · 14/12/2013 16:06

Yes, it's true that 'soft' does not = empty at all. Very often, well-established breastfeeding mothers don't have hard, full breasts ever, but they have plenty of milk.

SomethingkindaOod · 14/12/2013 16:32

I think you need to be firm and throw in the words 'Health Care Professional' at every opportunity. "This is how we are feeding him on the advice of our Health Care Professional, please stick to our routine so that he can thrive" type of way. Make them see that you're taking medical advice. Just keep repeating it until they get the message.

SomethingAboutNothing · 14/12/2013 16:45

The OP asked for advice on dealing with her In-laws, not whether she is weaning/breastfeeding correctly.

OP, I would do as previous poster suggested and tell them that your Health Visitor has expressly told you not to feed wheat until later, and ask that they only feed the baby what you wish. Your DH needs to support you on this, otherwise make his life difficult at home until he does Wink

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 14/12/2013 17:08

Sometimes people just think they know better and if you are unhappy with what they are doing and they won't listen to you then you need to make other arrangements regarding your childcare.

fluffyraggies · 14/12/2013 17:09

I find it ironic that the OP has started a thread about how her ILs think they know best and are trying tell her how to wean her baby, and low and behold that is exactly what 2/3 of her replies here are doing!

OP i think your DH should be your first ally in this situation. If he really wont stand up to his family then perhaps you have a friend who would be prepared to be in the room when you are explaining your feeding schedule to them (again). How do they react when you talk to them about this?

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 18:06

Thanks to all you who have acknowledged my thread wasn't looking for weaning or BF advice!

I have hesitated to mention it to the in-laws before I first considered it, making sure I'm not being unreasonable/overly sensitive.Wink

Childcare elsewhere is not an option else I'd have taken it a long time ago!

OP posts:
Xmas2013MN6233 · 14/12/2013 20:11

I wasnt telling OP how to feed her baby, but misinformation about BF, which the OP has probably been given, is being passed on - regardless the OP should feed how it suits her, and I said that.

harriet247 · 14/12/2013 20:17

Yanbu-been there and it is very vert frustrating. Put in nicely, say you are so grateful for their help but you would like to stick to x y z and you are sure there will be lota of opportunity to treat their gc/niece etc when they are a bit older.
My dd is very good eater but this has led to her being handed whole biscuits/eclair/quaverss etc because people think it's 'cute'

hardboiledpossum · 14/12/2013 20:25

My breasts were always full at feeding time and empty at other times. And there is no way that I could hand express a little bit and not be in agony, If I couldn't feed I would have to express at least nine ounces to feel comfortable. Ds wasn't interested in feeding when my breasts were empty as the milk was too slow.

pigletmania · 14/12/2013 21:14

You need to relax op and te them look after your ds without all this fussing, he is 6 months, not 6 weeks! They have bought the appropriate foods not feeding him crisps and chocolate. He is your dh baby too ad e aso has an equal say. They are kind enough to help you out, so just enjoy it ad be grateful, not everyone's InawI or arents help or have much to do with ther grandkids

CranberrySaucyJack · 14/12/2013 21:20

YABU to be annoyed, but if the ILs can't/won't look after your baby the way you want him to be cared for then the onus is on you to make alternate arrangements.

They are not your paid employees, and they don't have to do a damn thing you say.

My father thinks car seats are Elf and Safety bullshit, and won't use them. Therefore, he does not take the DCs out alone. Ever.

CranberrySaucyJack · 14/12/2013 21:20

*YANBU

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 14/12/2013 21:30

Nothing about weaning here.

Its about them not respecting what you are saying.

Something very strange comes in people when around other peoples babies....they have to do it their way for some reason....like some sort of weird possession thing...

You must set boundaries, or it will get worse, you need to make them listen to you.

The only way you can get this across even very nicely and diplomatically is by making sure you have back up care.

By knowing you are 100% reliant on them is perhaps giving them confidence to do what they want.

valiumredhead · 14/12/2013 21:31

I agree with piglet.

pigletmania · 14/12/2013 22:55

If you are not happy, tan find alternate arrangements. My friend used to look after dd a lot when she was a baby as I had difficulty coping. I trusted dd in her care, and trusted that she would do what she saw fit. Op sounds very controlling, if she has to have help tan she needs to let go a bit. This is not paid help, but relatives kind enough to help op out on a regular basis. Don't bite the hand that feeds you! I could understand if they were putting your ds in danger, or neglecting him, but they are not! Just giving him a bit of blooming weaning food.

pigletmania · 14/12/2013 22:58

Yes if tey were feeding dd junk I would agree with op and woud have a diplomatic word with them, but they are not. Either you trust them or not!

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 22:58

Piglet - my concern is as much due to the fact that the guidelines for weaning are not to have 3 meals until around 9 months I believe.

I'm currently giving 2, and with the additional feeds it's 4.

I'd like to follow the guidelines set out as I do think they're there for a reason.

OP posts:
SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 14/12/2013 23:08

My DS2 was 5 weeks early, we started giving bits and pieces of food at 5.1 months (actual age). He's 6.1 months (actual) now.

I mix feed the same way as you too, only difference being that I mainly express and don't BF very often as he never really got the hang of it very well. If I skip a feed at one of the specific times that I feed him then I feel really sore and feel really sick.

If I were you I would be very annoyed and would make clear what I do and don't want my baby to be fed.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, just because I know how uncomfortable it is when you feed like this.

pigletmania · 14/12/2013 23:11

Well laughing you can diplomatically explain, not go teir guns blazing as they are helping you out, if not than its either that or find alternate care

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 23:12

Thanks for the understanding! It's nice to hear from people who 'get' it. I know breast milk is supposed to be available 24/7 etc, but I can only go by what I experience and I know when I am uncomfortably full and when I feel empty baby is refusing to feed because the flow is too slow (but yet will wolf down a full bottle of formula hungrily given half the chance).

OP posts:
pigletmania · 14/12/2013 23:13

Oh dear dd and ds were having 3 meals a day at that age. They are guidelines not commands

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 23:15

Is be surprised if the majority don't feel 4 meals is too much after just the first month of weaning. Especially with an early wean.

Perhaps I should ask around in the weaning section.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 14/12/2013 23:16

My ds was 8 weeks early and was also having 3 meals a day by 6 months.

How many days do they look after your child OP?

Original poster
laughingeyes2013 · 14/12/2013 23:19

It varies.

OP posts: