To be annoyed the In-laws are feeding my baby without me knowing?

[laughingeyes2013]

He's 6 months old. 4 months 3 weeks adjusted age.

We've been weaning about a month and I'm combined feeding.

I've discovered that SIL has been out and bought some weaning food to give to my baby when MIL babysits.

I always provide some milk, either expressed or formula (depending on time of day). I make it clear when would be a good time to aim to feed so as not to disturb the times I need to BF.

I've got so my milk comes in at certain regular times of the day, and their messing about with timings can really screw it up. For example, they feed an hour before I'm due to BF, making it impossible to be comfortable or maintain supply (so I have to express extra to compensate).

Also regarding the weaning, we're only on 2 meals a day which they're aware of but just ignore, thinking they can do what they want when they want.

I've deliberately avoided wheat for another month (until his adjusted age of 6 months) because on the few times he tried it he seemed a little unsettled after.

They've just been and bought some baby cereals! Grrrr.

Or am I being unreasonable?

Yeah like I said, I have to express unnecessarily when in that full. And he squirms when I 'feel' empty and gets irritable unless I give up as give him a bottle instead. He doesn't act like that if I feel full of milk.

Started weaning DS at 4 months in the bad old days, once they reach 6 months you can feed them more or less anything so yes, he ate sandwiches at 6 months.

Dd grabbed and ate a sandwich at 23 weeks. Both were full term though.

Perhaps you need to point out to your DH that he needs to support your wishes more and that the nhs guidelines are to move to offering solids 3 times a day between 8 and 9 months.

Agree with the milk production too, you will have milk even if your breasts feel empty, if DS squirms at these times have you tried breast compressions? Do you offer each side at least once during each feed!

Perhaps your HV could speak with your DH/his family? Tbh, it doesn't seem like great "help" if they don't do what you ask and cause you stress.

Can't honestly see why the HV would have the time for this or how it would help your situation, but maybe that's just me?

Surestart? Your family? Your dh?

Can none of these actually help instead of the unhelpful inlaws?

Would a nursery/child minder be an option for a few hours so you can have some respite?

Jingle to reinforce the messages on feeding the ILs are ignoring.

Confiscate any foods you think unsuitable and hide them

OP, the thing about your bm supply worries me - at this age, you shouldn't particularly be "feeling full" as your supply should be quite settled and you certainly shouldn't only be able to feed at certain times of day. I would get some face to face or phone help from a bfc about that.

On the more general ignoring you, that is not on and something that you and DH will have to agree a way forward on. Can you afford a babysitter/childminder rather than your ILs, or get some support from Homestart?

I would advise perhaps next time everyone is together calmly laying out the guidelines for how you expect DC to be fed and the reasons why - make it crystal clear it's affecting his routine and feeding habits.

just as an aside for those who were wondering, it's actually fairly common for consultants etc to advise weaning preemies slightly earlier, mine were all early and we were advised to wean early but with traditional weaning supplemented by baby led weaning as often preemies lack the motor skills to BLW even though they may be ready. Adjusted age is irrelevant with regards to weaning (so my consultant said anyway -could be opinion!) adjusted age is only really used for developmental milestones. Weaning and immunisations etc are done by actual age as the gut matures in the same way once a baby is no longer inside- albeit preemies tend to have delicate tummies [fsmile{

deep thought and curlew early weaning of preterm babies is widely recommended. Depending on the consultant and condition of the baby OP May have been advised to try tasters of food from As early as 17 weeks real age. This is due to preterm babies being at much greater risk of oral/feed aversion. Even extreme preterm infants are often given milk in small amounts from As early as a week old, this encourages gut development.

OP it sounds as if you are quite well supported by your family but that they overstep the mark on a few things. Often this happens when you are chronically ill because people become almost maternal towards you and start taking over. They might not realise how much this is upsetting you. I think you need to pick your battles, small babies cannot often be fed on a rigid schedule, sometimes they will be desperately hungry an hour before you would usually breastfeed and if you are not able to be there it's only fair that a bottle is offered, you can always express and give your milk for the next feed. Although it's frustrating with growth spurts, teething, etc feeding patterns will often change so having set times for breastfeeding may not be a realistic expectation. However only offering weaning foods that you are happy with is important, could you take them some alternative s? Maybe explain that you are concerned about wheat and you understand they are trying to be kind but that as a mum this choice needs to be up to you, hope that helps, oven xxxxxx

Worndown I also read the "full/empty" posts slightly perturbed but wonder if the OP bf to a schedule.

Your experience could be demand feeding like my boob monsters who never left me alone long enough to ever get full!!!

Sorry I meant wellie not worn down

Actually deep thought you can wean prem babies from 5 months and there is no difference there from prem and full term baby. As long as you leave it no later than 8 months. Explain carefully to them op your wishes as it's up to you how you wean your baby.

Before you get worried about those saying you shouldn't still be getting full breasts at this stage - well I still do and I'm feeding a 15 month old. Most breastfeeders I know did stop getting engorged by 6 months or so, but I've never been able to skip a feed without feeling it. I'm pretty sure it's not 'wrong' - just the way some bodies work.

On the actual subject of your post - that sounds very annoying. I think you just have to spell it out to them that it's causing you discomfort. They probably don't realise.

I wouldn't get too worried about the fact that your in laws are giving your baby weaning food. My now 13 year old was weaned at 4 months and eating a wide variety of food at 6 months. This was totally normal at the time.

Your in laws sound very supportive and I doubt that they realise that how annoying they are being by giving your baby solids. Your DH should certainly support you more though. He needs to talk to his family about this if they don't seem to listen to you.

How you are weaning him isn't the issue your SIL and MIL are. You need to put your foot down and explain why it is important that he is only feed at certain times and what he is feed etc. and point out that if they wont respect your wishes AS HIS MOTHER then you will not be listening to their claims for contact until they learn that respect. Could your side of the family help out with the childcare?

Tell your inlaws that you really appreciate their help with babysitting but that your HV has advised you to feed your baby in a certain way. Then be very clear to ask your mil / sil to respect your baby feeding regime. However it's quite normal for extend family to feed babies any which way they like which can be ally annoying.

Btw, what is 'weaning food'? Do you mean ready made baby foods? They haven't got much nutrients in them but you probably already know that.

On a different note, I don't understand why you are weaning the way you have described.

At six months, your baby's main food should be milk but he should be encouraged to eat three solid meals a day also (probably tiny protgions) This is so that he can learn to handle food and for his digestive system to get used to range of foods, textus and tastes.

I did blw with both my dc. Dc 1 has never been interested (still isn't) in food so I wish we had blitzed whatever family food we had and spoon fed.

Dc2 on the other hand is a text book blw baby eating anything and everything from the age of six months.

Can you offer your dc finger foods and some mushed up foods to see what he prefers?

I disagree that the in laws sound supportive. They sound as if they think the know best.

This isn't really about the food IMO, it is about them not listening to what the mother wants. What the OP wants for her baby is not unreasonable at all and the in laws, whilst being helpful in babysitting, are riding roughshod over her parenting choices.

Worndown is absolutely right. DS was two months prem but was weaned at 6 months birth age like you would a full-term baby. Adjusted age is used for developmental milestones like talking and walking etc. Weaning a prem at 6 months (4 corrected) is absolutely fine.

OP, nothing will change unless you speak up. Tell them what your routine is and what happens when this isn't stuck to. This might just be about weaning at the minute, but of they're overriding you now, then it'll just be something else in the future, how you discipline, if he has sweets or not etc, these are obviously just examples, but you need to make it clear now that as his MOTHER, what you say goes.

I disagree that the in laws sound supportive. They sound as if they think the know best.

The OP says that she needs them to look after her baby for periods of time because she has MS. I would say that is being supportive and whilst I certainly don't think that means she should just put up with the fact that they are feeding her baby when she doesn't want them to, I certainly think it would be wise for her (and her DH) to get their point across regarding feeding times etc. without offending them.

Wouldn't it make sense for OP to say "Doctor/HV says baby must have so much of my milk at X times so he mustn't fill up on other things, because he was prem we have to follow a strict schedule"? I think I would try that angle first and hardest.

The OP says that she needs them to look after her baby for periods of time because she has MS. I would say that is being supportive

I would say they are being helpful which is not quite the same as supportive. Yes they are helping out with childcare but they are not supporting the OPs parenting choices and are, in fact, undermining them.

laughingeyes...baby led weaning here, introduced solids about six months, slightly before that with dd2, gave them what we had, and they did eat sandwiches etc before 7 months - we just let them take as much or as little as they wanted and feed themselves. The exception is my last child who ate practically nothing until she was one.

I've always breastfed on demand, OP, no schedule at all - you can just hand express a small amount if you feel uncomfortable. I'm quite laid back about the whole weaning thing and wouldn't be too worried about a schedule - but if it really matters to you then you'll need to spell it out to the family, and if they can't follow your wishes you've got a bigger problem on your hands and might need to think about alternative childcare?

When I said they were being supportive I meant they were being supportive of the OP by looking after her baby when she is not feeling well because she has MS.

I agree that the feeding issue needs to be sorted out but I think that it should be done without offending/falling out with them, if possible.

I'm really concerned about your comments on engourgement ans feeling empty and having to use formula.

You should feed in whatever way suits you. If you pump you will be creating a circle - so I'd hand express just enough for comfort.

The empty feeling is just your body being used to feeding I always feel empty these days but I'm not (11 month old)